Why do NTs turn nasty ...

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re: reptile metaphors (probably deleted now)

I understood how it could be offensive. Since the owner of that sig line hasn't responded, I don't presume Marcia's interpretation is necessarily the correct one.

It wasn't my interpretation. I was merely clarifying what it meant. It's difficult to see how any alternative interpretation could be anything other than a misinterpretation.

well perhaps the owner could enlighten us.

Actually, it seems, not really. I'm one of the looser ones about it because (a) I feel that I am treading in someone else's territory being here at all (or at least did, until they made me a mod) and (b) I used to belong to Aspies for Freedom so most of what is here seems rather tame. But, overall, the opinions I'm seeing from various mods on what is OK and what is not under current terms of service are actually very consistent. Now, all we've got to do is convey that accurately to the members. Then maybe we can end this debate. Give it some time; we're all volunteers.



I disagree. As someone else posted earlier, it can also be a way to share common ground and build bridges for understanding. That is how it has been meant here, from how I read the posts. You are wrong to assume that the people posting this way are trying to dismiss you, simply wrong.

Last edited by DW_a_mom on 24 Jul 2009, 8:13 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Iin terms of all the racial movement metaphors, I certainly understand those and they are in some ways applicable, but the oppressed minorities in those cases are generally afforded the luxury or privelege of some years/decades of positive discrimination and eventually fairly substantial improvements in general access and equity result, (certainly not for all but for many). This then leads to a 'thaw' or reconciliation stage.

I don't think we've had much positive discrimination at all, or much EEO stuff, I don't think things have improved much for aspies at all. So IMO it is rather early for people to be demanding the 'thaw' period because we haven't actually had much change in our circumstances.

The mods can agree till kingdom come on what they intend to impose on the membership here, that doesn't mean the membership believe it is right or appropriate. It doesn't surprise me at all that the mods would be in agreement. I rather expected that.

Postperson, I see what you are saying about how the evolution times out, but there are reasons in this situation to hurry it up, and that is the simple fact that NT's are marrying AS and NT's are raising AS kids. The faster we get to the thaw, as you call it, the faster this forum can be a key to making life better for that AS spouse or that AS child. There are other places for parents and spouses but you know as well as I do that they don't teach the NT to see the world from an AS point of view, and that is to the detriment of the AS in the family.

Making this forum a little more NT friendly is really more about learning to narrow your anger and be careful with terminology than no longer complaining about the injustices in your life. There have been some good examples in this thread, on how to do that without using hate speech against NT's.

The mods are members, too. And reading, and listening, and gauging the sentiment of the membership. Just because you may not like where a position is headed, does not mean that the majority of members won't.

There is no reason for any extra hurry, in the case of female emancipation, females have been in marriages long before any 'rights' movements and in the racial mixed marriage, it's the same, the pace will be the same because there is no extra urgency in comparison to other similar movements.



How do you propose to prevent NTs from dominating this forum?

To quote from Aristotle...

Postperson, let me turn the question back to you - how do you see NTs as having a dominant influence on this forum?


M.

I'm speaking of the future of this website, I believe I have already outlined my reasons for thinking this may happen, things such as personal experience of mixed NT/AS websites, I've mentioned the big disparity in skills in seeking and obtaining help (still waiting for responses to that one)...there's probably more..

So am I to understand that we are dealing with a hypothetical problem that may arise, arising from concerns based on your own personal experience with another forum in the past? Just want to be sure that I understand what exactly the issue is. While I am sure you have posted regarding skills, I would ask that you repeat or link to the post for me, as I have been unable to find it in your posts at this time. It would be most appreciated by me so that we are not missing aspects to our communication.


M.

I've bought the subject of the disparity in 'seeking help' skills up about 3 times now in this thread, since you've participated in this thread previously, you would get notifications of new posts. They're probably a few pages back.

here's one:

I don't think people realise (especially the complaining NTs here) why sites like this came into being. 10 years ago there were no support sites on the net for autistic adults. There were however, support sites for parents and families at which autistics were not welcome or barely tolerated.

The increasing presence of NTs here and their demands to be included are of a concern to me because having had experience in mixed NT/AS groups (and IRL where it's the same), I feel that NTs are both likely and capable of taking over and dominating groups of autistics. They very often seek out positions of power too as that gives them control. In the case of parents/partners seeking to use this group for their support, I wonder where their AS partners and kids can go - if you're not happy for your partner/child to use this site as well, then that rather puts them out in the cold, doesn't it?

I wonder if this site will end up being an NT support site and a lot of autistics will drift away.

You have to remember that NTs are not shy about asking for help and even demanding it as a 'right'. Autistics don't have that ability. That's why you have to privelege AS people at a (supposed) AS support site.


Considering possible/likely future trends is not something the mods are interested in here, is that your position?

I do not opt for automatic notification for every thread I am a part of - perhaps a reminder not to assume anything.

I recognize that there are risks, but I fail to see any examples made of where this is occurring here. I appreciate your past experience, and regret that you had to go through it, but that does not correlate that such an event is happening or will happen here. Would you prefer an oasis of non-involvement, a stagnation of any development towards finding a better understanding between those on the spectrum and the world that surrounds them? Can you point to examples here? Because all I am seeing are individuals who are seeking to better understand those in their lives, and they are being abused here - and that isn't much different than the experience I had when I was younger. I don't want to be one of those people who I was hurt by when I was young, and so I refuse to follow in their footsteps.

I am all about analysis of trends and being prepared - which is why I ask for examples instead of basing decisions on fears. Again, you assume much in a negative fashion...


M.

I could say the same of you.

So..basically the priesthood here has decided to change the doctrine to accomodate new church members, is that the position?

Emo-shun topic

I was just rereading some of the posts here, and I have noticed that many want thi site to be more NT friendly.

I have never seen that it was not. NTs have never been shunned here. Many post daily and many more very mild AS are on the site as well. For both groups, this is perhaps because they can engage in dialogue with those who are different and learn from them.

As for those who rant on and on about how they were treated so badly by NTs, the NT members here themselves have been empathetic and understood that it is part of the anger process and coming to terms with a traumatic past. I went through this long ago, and came to terms with it. Many here are at a different stage. and I live with NTs--my two younger children who live with me, and a grown up daughter. All in all, I have been dealing with NTs all my life. But I do not find them mysterious, nor do I wish to unravel their mindset. We cannot control others behaviours, thoughts, etc. Only our own.

Then there was the mention that NTs could perhaps monopolize this forum. It is a private website. If WP becomes a more 50/50 NT/AS thing, and I do not know what this would be like, and if I found it intolerable, then I would seriously consider not frequenting it as often, and looking elsewhere, or doing my own thing--something people on the Spectrum are rather good at.

WP has changed somewhat since I started a year and a half ago, and many members have been here 5 years. I would like to ask them if they feel any changes they have experienced are detrimental.

I have found this website a very beneficial in that it has helped my writing, my empathy, my knowledge and my thinking. In a few words, it keeps me on my toes. A useful tool, and a means, a way of doing things, but not an end in itself.