Does solitude eventually become loneliness?

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subliculous
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10 Aug 2009, 5:27 pm

i have no problem with solitude and lonesomeness. it's my nature. it's everyone else having a problem with my solitary nature that makes me feel alone. i never feel alone so much as when i'm WITH people.



Acacia
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10 Aug 2009, 10:37 pm

*edit*


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Brittany2907
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10 Aug 2009, 10:47 pm

i_wanna_blue wrote:
Is there anyone out there who feels that, what was once sweet solitude, is now only bitter loneliness?


I think that I've gotten used to loneliness so much that most of the time, it doesn't even register with my brain that I am missing out on anything. That doesn't mean I don't want to have friends and go out with others though because there are occassions when I do realize I want these things and when I do, it's not easy to deal with knowing that I've wasted my teenage years alone in my bedroom.

The problem is that when I'm in a social situation I don't really enjoy it anyway and want to go back into solitude.


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Bataar
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10 Aug 2009, 11:49 pm

For me, it's not so much loneliness, although I do feel it, but rather boredom. I get tired of staying at home and online. After doing that for so many days, I get bored with it. However, I don't have any friends to socialize with and there's nothing I can think of outside of the house that I can enjoy by myself so I get even more bored. Needless to say, I'm extremely bored all the time.



Evil_Squeakheads
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10 Aug 2009, 11:49 pm

Personally, I don't want to get out and socialize with other people. Communicating with others is more stressful than it is rewarding, so I have no desire to socialize and I'm at peace when I isolate myself. I can tolerate a little bit of interaction, like hanging with friends once every 2 weeks, at maximum. But after too much interaction I just want to isolate myself again.

Personally, I believe solitude might be a way of protecting yourself from stress. I don't imagine myself getting lonely until my aspie communication issues have been solved, or I find a workaround for them. I would rather live in solitude than live my entire life stressed out, thank you very much.



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11 Aug 2009, 5:50 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
Here I am on a Saturday night, isolated as usual. I'm beginning to wonder when the time if ever will come when I will not be able to tolerate such isolation.


Everything said here probably hits close to home for all of us. But I don't think Blue's original question has been addressed: Does solitude and isolation ever become unbearable?

I wish I could answer that question myself. I'm seeing that most responders (myself included) have never been in this position and have always had at least loose contact with friends and family, so it never gets unbearable. And there are a few responders who have been thoroughly alone/isolated for quite some time but it doesn't seem to bother them at all.

But I have stayed up nights asking myself if I seek out the solitude I crave, will it one day become the most infernal isolation, making me rue the day I severed myself from others? Perhaps there's just no one here with that experience, but is there anyone here absolutely miserable by dint of their exile?


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melissa17b
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11 Aug 2009, 6:06 am

As a teenager and young adult, I was frequently lonely to the point of being unbearable, despite a house with six siblings and a school with 3,000-odd people who were nearly all strangers to me.

Over the years, I have come to greatly appreciate solitude, which I need in large doses at times. I am almost never lonely now. The small number of people I interact with regularly, plus the small casual interactions of everyday life are enough - in fact, they can often be more than I can handle, leading to extended withdrawn periods.

One key is that I felt defective and inferior as a young person. Now I am just plain different. Some people like it that way.



Last edited by melissa17b on 12 Aug 2009, 7:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

BadMachine
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11 Aug 2009, 6:35 am

I sometimes visualise myself in a general social situation apparently having fun, laughing and joking etc appearing totally NT.

I actually find people in general groups and gatherings that are very out going, vying to be the centre of attention, talking and laughing a little too loudly a bit scary and their behaviour bordering on the hysterical.

In reality and from experience I know that when I’m in that situation I find the environment a bit boring and I tend to turn off hence I’m not socially out going and feel little motivation to be.

But again I am aware of the tendency towards solitude and find that the way I address this or at least not feel that I am totally isolated from the outside world is by participation with groups or events concerned with my ‘interests’. There by killing two birds with one stone; appearing to be sociable and interested in others. While really just feeding my current obsessive interest.

I feel so bad ;-)



Maditude
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11 Aug 2009, 7:41 am

I used to feel lonely when I was alone. Much of it came from pressure from society that I had to find a mate, but had difficulty finding one. I feel lonely more often when I am with people I cannot relate with. Unfortunately, that includes many people in my family.


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12 Aug 2009, 4:29 am

CaroleTucson wrote:
I think it's a very thin line between solitude, which to me is heavenly, and loneliness, which is awful. And to answer your question ... yes, I think the one eventually almost always leads to the other, unless you're able to head it off at the pass. Very few human beings are able to live for long in total isolation, which is why solitary confinement is such a particularly horrifying punishment.
That pretty much summarises the situation for me. Except for spending time with a few choice people, I far prefer solitude but eventually I just go psychologically downhill after about three days, the affects substantial after about ten days. Once went twenty days without conversation and eventually everything moment just felt so pressured and strained, not pleasant.



ruveyn
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12 Aug 2009, 6:27 am

Solitude becomes loneliness when one is by himself and desires company but there is none to be had.

If one does not wish company than being by one's self is not loneliness. it is just being alone.

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12 Aug 2009, 10:04 am

The only time I ever feel lonely is when I'm reminded of all the things that 'normal' young people are supposed to get up to, that I've never experienced due to my preference for solitude.

Much like Brittany2907 this feeling of lonliness stems from a feeling that used to plague me, that I had wasted the so called best years of my life. When I used to hear about the enjoyment and life experiences I'm missing out on it used to get me down and I would yearn for the company of others and a 'normal' life. But now I've accepted that I'm different, the only problem is trying to justify this difference to others who don't understand my situation.

Besides I'm in full time employment in an office full of people and still live at home with my parents so its not like I'm totally alone anyway.



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12 Aug 2009, 10:45 am

I agree there is a difference between solitude and lonliness. One is heavenly, the other can be hard to deal with.

I think it has to do with whether you are an introvert or extrovert. In other words, do you get charged by being with people, or alone. And while you may suffer from anxiety, it sounds like you'd really like to be with people. I can relate to this. I am an extrovert who doesn't like to be around people. I get anxious being around people because I don't know how to respond to them. Taking medication, however, has helped me tremendously. I think it would have helped me adjust when i was younger. I'm not suggesting this for you, but it's something to consider.

Most importantly, I think accepting your situation will go a long way to dealing with it. find a comforatable and healthy way to move forward works best.



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12 Aug 2009, 10:49 am

A good question that is, as I've been in a state of solitude myself mostly self-imposed due to some unpleasant people and scenarios from the past.Still, I'll admit that I've actually felt alone yet, I try to deal with this by interacting with people on the interact or making small if not trivial attemtps at social interactions offline.. I'm not sure if my post is relevant or not yet, I've sincerely tried my best neverless...