Need advice on Son's difficulty w Route change

Post Reply New Topic

This site might be interesting:

www.gettinglost.ca

The page on "How we orient" describes the different strategies people use to get around. It describes how on routes we are very familiar with, we can travel them automatically with no demands on our attention.

It may be that one of the aspects of disliking change is the amount of attention that is required to process all the new information, and to continually recalculate where you are.

I used to be like this. Sort of still am, but now the difference is I know how to self-monitor and pay attention to specifically what stresses me out about uncertainty and having to process a whole bunch of new things at once. (Or the knowledge I'll soon have to) Once I isolate the source of my stress, I can at least begin to consider steps to ease off and calm down before things get too hairy. It used to be my apprehension was unconscious and 'nameless' sometimes, but often it was and is the landmarks that assure me I know what situation I'm in. What these landmarks could be were very personally derived, and, as I came to realize, not something anyone other than myself would likely be able to think of without me telling them. How could they? From someone else's perspective they were admittedly silly sometimes... as I became able to rationallize better this all improved. At 4, though, I think you're stuck.

For me, it had some to do with the way my mom's car felt when it was driving too. I liked it when mom took main roads to get places, when her car was running about 45-50mph, it had a very pleasing tone to it. When she would get on the highway with it, the car was running much faster and produced more noise at a higher pitch that was not quite pleasing. Her car didn't have air conditioning too, so during the summer, in order to cool off, you had to roll the windows down. Out on the highway, the wind noise blowing through the car was deafening for me (still is!). I also didn't like it when my mom would cut through neighborhoods to save time. The neighborhood streets were rougher, and there were much more stops, starts, and turns. I preferred the smooth cruising of the main road.

The puzzling thing for my parents is that I had no problem riding on the highway in my Dad's car. Dad's car was bigger, newer and had air conditioning, so it was much quieter and nicer to ride in going down the highway, so I wouldn't fuss about riding in his car. It totally drove my parents crazy why I would fuss when mom took the highway, but not when Dad took the highway....They had it all figured out eventually when my mom bought a new car that was much more comfortable on the highway (and had air conditioning)

I sort of liked and still do, to go "exploring" by going down different roads and seeing what is down them, especially if I see a bunch of cars turning down a certain road I have never been on...I gotta find out what is so interesting that's generating all that traffic down there! Maybe with your son, you can tell him that you are just exploring to check things out and see what is interesting in that particular way.

Also, try out Google maps! They have a "street view" function that I love! Show you son where you plan to go by using streetview, that way he will be familiar with the route before you go that way in the car.

Thanks for your replies, they have helped me SO much!

No he doesnt like anything changed on him usually We dont even get a chance to explain why and how the change will get the same result because by then he's usually screaming or crying... bless him.

Thanks for the website AuntyCC! Very Very interesting... and makes so much sense to me

I understand how frustrating it would be to have to process every little change in your mind... sounds very challenging.

Thanks for a different view AV Geek.... I hadnt thought about how the car sounded... that makes perfect sense as well because he has noise sensitivities!

Thanks again everyone... You have all been extremely helpful with your posts

My son has always been like this. (I'm the same way, but I force myself to go different ways.) My son is now 7, and he is better, but when he has a change of route to any of his regular places (speech, church, school, etc...) he will whine and cry and tell me the world is going to explode. However, he will eventually accept a change. We just have to put up with his complaining.

I should add that my son likes certain speed limits, routes where he can see ceiling fans in different businesses or where we have to cross railroad tracks. So, he likes the routes that offer him the most stimulation and in the same exact order. In the winter, he gets disappointed people have their ceiling fans off, so sometimes he complains about that. Some ceiling fans have a winter mode and he expects everyone to have one.

Thanks BattleCreekDavid... Your son sounds adorable!

My son also had a thing about ceeling fans. Loved watching them spin... And roller doors going up and down. He insisted thru summer we had our garage roller door up a foot like everyone else in the neighbourhood... for air circulation. He got extremely upset until it was at a certain height... or if we forgot to leave it up a bit when reversing out the drive

I still have major issues with changes in routes. I have to recognize everything I pass to feel like I'm going the right way. I absolutely cannot stand it when there are detours for things and often will just turn around and go home rather than trying to figure out the detours.

With my son, he has issues with it as well, but since I rarely take different routes, I don't run into the problem much.

When I do, I tell him in advance that there is construction up ahead and we're going to have to go a different way than usual. Then I give him a job-to help me search for road signs along the way, so he isn't so focused on us taking a different way, but he's more focused on looking for road signs along the way to make sure we are going the right way to get somewhere. I give him a copy of the directions as well when we have to go a different way, to make him feel more comfortable that we are going to wind up in the place we are aiming for.

2Precious,

My son likes garage doors, too. We cannot go in and out of the house without watching the doors go up and down. We use to use them as rewards when he was potty training (a very, agonizing process). When we go trick-or-treating on Halloween, we have to watch him because he'll run into other people's houses to watch their fans or mess with their garage doors. He could care less about getting candy.

He'd get on fabulous with my Son

Great Potty Training reward!! I feel for you re the agonizing process of Toilet training... Not easy at all.