Were you rude as a child?

Post Reply New Topic

If you asked neurotypical adults if they were rude as kids, most would probably say, "At times, yes" The difference is that they would probably have been aware of it more frequently than many Aspies are, i.e. they chose to do something deliberately and knew how that would be perceived.

It is this key difference -- doing something for effect -- which is helping me to understand why my best friend (who is neurotypical) struggles to undertand my behaviour so often. He thinks I am acting a certain way to make a point or to "get my way". We had a big issue over my meltdowns for a long time; he couldn't understand, and I couldn't understand why he couldn't understand. A friend who has an Aspie husband then explained my best friend's neurotypical reasoning to me in this regard. She said he saw my behaviour as manipulative. (He's starting to understand better now, though.)

I was a PITA and a Smart A**.

ruveyn

A lot of times what people think of as "polite" is really just "PC" behaviour. You don't see someone and make fun of their differences or say things to belittle them because you are "honestly expressing yourself". That is the definition of "politically correct".
People who think that PC isn't a good idea are the rudest people because they will say anything to anyone and excuse it by saying they are not "politically correct" and there's a lot of that where I live which makes it a rude place. I'd rather just have them be politcally correct and stfu sometimes.
I have AS and I know saying something that will hurt someone else's feelings is rude. I can tell. It's easy to figure out what might hurt someone else's feelings and what won't. If you say to someone "gee, you look ugly" it's going to hurt their feelings and there's really no valid excuse for saying it (unless your intention is trying to make someone feel bad).
When I was a kid, I used to be impulsive and somewhat demanding when I wanted things. When I wanted something in particular I didn't like substitutions. If it were me wanting an ice cream cone instead of an ice cream sandwich, I wouldn't have settled for the ice cream sandwich.

Interesting thanks guys!! !

I can remember when I was about 5, a lady who worked at the grocery store offered me a piece of candy and I told her I didn't like that kind, and I got scolded for it because I didn't do or say the polite thing.
I was always that way though, I don't think I ever realized I was being impolite or rude, or that I could have possibly been hurting someones feelings, to me I just felt that I was telling the truth.

I don't know if I was rude. I was definitely awkward and clueless, and for some reason I was purposefully cruel at least once. I've always regretted the incident I remember of being mean for no reason.

there is some degree of rudeness built into kids in general, I think. it starts with the toddler "I want" phase. it takes longer to train some kids than others how and when to use manners, that's why parents shouldn't just give up. when my 13 year old son comes over to visit, his manners are terrible because his dad doesn't coach him, so I have to remind him he has to say please to me and speak to me with respect, not just say things like "I want my dinner now" because I'll respond with "that's a statement of fact that will not motivate me to do anything for you".

I wonder about this because topic because kid are rude in general. What makes a AS kids rudeness any different from a NT kids rudeness? Because, teasing, bullying, excluding, judging seems pretty rude to me and thats what kids often do to anyone deemed different such AS kids. And adults can be pretty cruel, mean too and unthinking too and say pretty hurtfull things without realising it. So what exactly is the distinction?

I was a little a***hole. But my rudeness was really just a mix of being clueless and really blunt.

Yes I was and I was naughty little bugger too that gave my teachers headaches.

Not really. At least not in a obnoxious and active sort of way. Any rude-ness i was accused of was for NOT doing something i was supposed to.. like not looking at someone when they spoke to me, not responding to someone when they said "hi," not greeting people i know if i saw them somewhere, not calling adults "sir and "ma'am" when i talked to them, etc. But, since i was quiet and when i was little i tried to follow all the "rules," i was considered well-behaved by most. When i was little it always seemed to me like all the other kids were wild and out-of-control.

Is was often extremely rude and I never realized it at the time. Like say cutting a slice of the wedding cake before the bride and groom had done the cake cutting ritual. It seemed the right thing to do at the time. Here they were posing with the knife at a cake that already had a big chunk taken out of thanks to me.

I was usually polite as a child.

sometimes i was.
I was told i was cheeky sometimes too.
I was unaware of this at the time.

My great aunt was a very pretty child. Old ladies would lean over and pinch her cheeks. She would then say: Madame, are you aware that you have stinky breath?


They'd usually leave her alone after that, which was the whole point of it. I would never have dared to do anything of the sort. I was always concerned about being impolite to adults and I still get anxious if I think I've forgotten to say thank you or please...

I have had this problem as an adult.

Background

When I was a child, no-one in my home said, "Good morning" to one another. The first thing I might say to my mother would be something like, "But I AM getting dressed, my clothes are all here with me under the blanket!" Or to my brother, "Do these Corn Flakes taste funny to you?"

And I don't think anyone else in my family was an Aspie. I don't think we were a rude family. "Good morning" was simply not part of our family culture.

When I got married, it was the same: If you felt like talking or you had something to say, you would say it. But there was no "Good morning".

As a result, I always found it rather odd when we visited my grandparents and certain other relatives, that they would say, "Good morning," if you spent the night there. They often also asked if you'd slept well, which was something I usually forget to ask when someone sleeps over at my place. For me, "Good morning" was a formality associated with a teacher standing in front of a classroom of full of children. It didn't seem to fit the context of a home, where things were supposed to be informal. To me, it seemed to be reserved for formal ceremony in situations where people were supposed to give each other their full attention.

My experience as an adult

When I started doing freelance work at a publishing studio, I would arrive and exchange greetings with the one or two people who noticed me come in. And that seemed to be fine.

But when I started work at my present office about 11 years ago, I was constantly in trouble with my business partner for not saying "Good morning" as I arrived. For a long time I could not remember to do this, even though it would make him so upset that you would think I would remember about it, because I didn't want to get into trouble. There were several occasions on which we had fights about it, and I would promise to get it right (which again caused another cycle of argument, because he hated the idea that I should consider it a rule to be obeyed rather than a natural outflowing of regard for other people). But in spite of my promise to try to focus on this, I would just forget again.

There was a guy who worked with me in the upstairs office for a few years (he died in 2005) and he also got in trouble for the same thing. Now that I know I am an Aspie, I am pretty sure he was one too.

It took me years to get into the "Good morning" habit, mostly because I didn't understand why I was supposed to disturb people and draw attention to myself when coming in, and even now I don't always get the protocol right. I am supposed to ensure that everyone in the open plan office is greeted, it seems, but at the same time, the difficulty I have is that I am sometimes not sure when I am supposed to disturb people who are busy on telephones or who are looking away. I feel somewhat anxious and angry when I just think about this dilemma. I want to get it right to stay out of trouble, but my business partner cannot give me a clear-cut rule, and he can't explain the principle to me in a manner that I can make the right interpretation either.

I also often get it wrong when I come back from a business trip. Apparently after a trip of a week or so you are supposed to go to people individually and make more small talk than usual. I would understand having to give feedback or get updates if you are on the same team, and I do see the point of going to tell someone specific if you're good friends and might have missed each other's company, but these are just other people who work there and I don't have much to do with them directly most of the time. (It's not that I don't like them, we're just not best friends or anything.)

Now that I have been diagnosed as an Aspie, my business partner says my "Good morning" problem makes more sense to him, but it still frustrates him sometimes that I can't understand what is such a simple and obvious thing to do from any normal person's perspective if you care about those around you.

Oh yes I was. I remember one time back when I was in the 3rd grade I had an obese music teacher. One day we were planning a picnic when the teacher mentioned the music teacher. After she mentioned his name I said in front of the whole class that the music teacher eats too much. After I said that I was sent out of the class.