Anyone else get this?

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A while back I asked a teacher friend for her opinion on whether I may have something undiagnosed that may be the reason for the fact I didnt do very well at school, have never kept a job etc(not going in to everything here)... She just said I 'might' have an aspect of something but anyone could and not to 'worry' about it and not to pursue it. I dont get that. I wasnt worried, I just wanted an explanation, like is it possible there might be something there or could I just be lazy without realising it. She had known me since early primary school and is a few years older than me so it wasnt like we had just met or anything. Id just like to know whether im holding myself back or if theres a reason for all this. The only thing that was ever noticed as a kid was that I did better with individual attention so I had extra maths during school hours in primary school since thats where I fell behind, then in secondary school I didnt have extra maths classes but I also started falling behind in everything else too, but in contrast to all that is the fact that my parents say I read at age two and a half and I did understand everything it just didnt 'stick' and I dont think my concentration was great for whatever reason.

Has anyone else come up against reactions like that when trying to figure things out?

Am I reading too much into everything or something?

I had a really good friend about twenty years ago, and we've sort of kept in touch by writing every couple of years, but mostly we've grown apart. She is the only person around who knew me in my early twenties, so I asked her some questions about what I was like. I was trying to get an idea of whether or not I seemed social awkward to other people, and that kind of thing. I told her I was starting to suspect that I'm on the AS spectrum, like my son.

Well, she wrote back and said a whole lot of really nice things about me, but also did like what your teacher did. You know, "Don't worry, there is nothing WRONG with you. Don't be so hard on yourself" She said that of course I know myself best of all, and if I think I might have a "mental illness" then I should see someone. She meant well, and I appreciated the nice things she said, but it seemed like she thought that I was suggesting that I am defective or bad, and that I needed to be reassured about my good qualities. She totally missed what I was getting at. I simply needed some objective feedback about what I was like back then, because she's the only connection to that past that I have, and I wanted to know if I had any odd mannerisms or that kind of thing, which I hadn't been aware of. I placed no judgment on that; I just wanted information. Just like you did.

I had tried to make it clear that AS is not a "mental illness" or a defect, but a different way of being. People just don't understand that. I think my friend, your teacher, and all kinds of well-meaning people think that we want reassurance that nothing is "wrong". I don't think they are trying to lie or deceive, but just reassure.

When I (reluctantly) told my mom, her response was, "There's nothing wrong with you...you're normal." I think she sort of accepted it when I told her the psychologist said I had "mild" AS, though we still haven't talked about it. Quite frankly, I don't really want to talk to her about it. At least not now. My friend, on the other hand, wanted to know more about AS, what it meant for me, how I felt about the diagnosis, etc. In other words, she was being supportive. As she always has been.

As the joke goes...

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

I know the joke but in relation to this thread what do you mean?

Often certain "educators" (along with other "professionals") and family tend to downplay or outright deny what is happening in our lives. Much of it has to do with their own fear and ignorance (lacking information and skills). They may think that if they knew you for a long time and then didn't do anything to assist you then it's a reflection on them; thus it's easier to deny.