"Why don't you just decide to be happy" they say

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"Why don't you just decide to be happy" they say.

And while I'm making these decisions, why don't I "just decide" to be 6 foot 4 , eh?

I am what I am today.
I am not what I am not.
(If you can't accept that, well, you can go jump off a moving train. Will be interesting to see how far your ignorance splatters)

Which appears to be an amazing new, arcane, inscrutable, and unfathomable concept to certain individuals.

Who shall remain nameless in order to retain their ignorance for use in my further and future amusement.



Wow, do I have an attitude today or what?

when people say "Why don't you just decide to be happy" I get really annoyed.

my other favorite is "you make things much harder on yourself than they need to be", which is an oft-used line in my family that really means "you're not doing it the way I think you should".

my kids already suffer from the expectation that happiness is always a decision. it seems to be everywhere. I recently talked to them about the possible evolutionary role of depression, and that they shouldn't feel bad about feeling bad, because people just don't feel good all the time and their minds and bodies need something from them so they should pay attention.

they probably tuned me out after the first couple of minutes, but I can keep trying.

I don't blame you at all for an attitude like that.

I'm tempted to say that those other folk are a little bit
delusional when they say something about "choosing
to be happy".

After all, I did lose my uncle about a month ago to
complications from a stroke; am I expected to
"choose to be happy" in the face of legitimate grieving?

NT here on this topic. When I say I chose to be happy I mean this.... I wake up in the morning and say to myself " Today is going to be a good day." Others who are very close to me say to themselvs " I wonder how crappy today is going to be?". It's just a difference of mindset and perception. I tend to take things people say and do at face value without reading in it. An example might be someone one tells my co-worker that she looks nice today and says nothing to me... I tend to think ya, she does look nice! My friend would think by not saying anything to them too, they were implying they don't look nice. Anyhooo...that's what I think.

I've tried self-help psychology (and others around me tried as well) to no avail.

What has worked for me is vitamins. Originally I attempted to do some regular exercise but it got me even more depressed than I was prior to starting this new routine.

Everybody was like "don't take those pills lalalala", "go talk to a therapist", well it's just vitamins not ecstasy, and I'm glad I disregarded the no-medication advice.

One of my friends has spent a lot of money at the therapist over the years, it has not changed his life the slighest bit. Yet he was recommending that I go there too. Well, eventually I figured out what it was all about, he was in love with her.

Happiness is a choice...even being depressed is a choice except in the rarest chemical imbalances. The depressed person is actually CHOOSING to be upset about a factor or variety of factors that is either conscious or unconscious. It's not about making words mean things other than what they are, it's choosing to either be affected by the words and actions of other people or not. It's always your choice whether to regard other people's opinions as important, so other people really shouldn't be a factor in your personal depression, except in the rarest cases such as they are imprisoning you unjustly or someone you love has died. Even in these examples, choosing to be upset or depressed is still a choice. Once you can live in the moment and accept all things and yourself as you are, there is no reason for happiness or unhappiness, but you can choose.

Although...lots of people with asperger's have a vitamin B12 deficiency because their neanderthal ancestors ate mostly meat and not grain. Now grain is being forced down our throats when it is really meat that we should be eating.

It's based on logic Bhetti. Most depressed people are suffering from a lack of logic that would actually aid them in escaping their depression. Although I guess the depression can really prevent them from thinking clearly to escape it in a lot of cases.

I'm a psych student...I guess that's science.

As for me, I'm not speaking of depression, or even a failing of the underlying long-term joy of life.
I am not happy with, and in, several events going on and situations existing right here, right now, today.
They may exist tomorrow. They might not.
It is Today, that happiness will not come to stay.
There are fleeting moments of pleasure at rather minor successes; but, there is a constant baseline of unhappiness today.

Won't tell what these unhappy events and situations are. They do really make for some bigtime hassles.

And there is stress - ohhhhhhh yes there is stress!

Sure, I can say things like "Today is going to be a good day", then smile, and think happy thoughts...but that's FAKE happiness. All that does is just bottle up your true emotions. Not healthy.

Optimist here weighing in.

You might be surprised to hear me say that I agree with the OP. One does not choose to be happy. One's emotional state is based from one's response to environmental stimuli, both past and present. The nature of those responses aren't really a choice.

I know that I perceive things in such a way that leads to my happiness. While I know that the whole half empty / half full perspective differences, at no point in my life did I choose to be an optimist. I was always that way (as far as I can remember, at least). Maybe I was blessed with an unusual number of chemicals in my brain to make this way, maybe it was a good upbringing, I don't know...

So if I'm not making the conscious decision to be an optimist, it's a bit unreasonable for me to expect others to do so.