Is It Right ?

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I don't know whether it's related to Asperger or not, but I simply detest any form of lies or hypocrisy; say, for example, that a clerk tries promoting their shop product by being "nice" to you, as in asking "how are you today", or "you should really try this one" or even "I think you're looking great today" - I mean, whenever I hear this kind of thing, that I know well enough it is fake, I mentally cringe and feel like walking out of the building right then and there.

What is there for me to do about this ?

It feels unnatural for me to lie and to hear other people lie. It's very off-putting for me because it destroys the liar's credibility. I've been led on by people with lies that were easily verifiable after the fact, and right at that point it is decided that the person cannot ever be a member of my inner circle.

I don't know but I feel exactly the same way.

Me too. Like you said, I: "mentally cringe and feel like walking out of the building right then and there".
And I have also disconnected to a couple of people, because they were lying to me.

I always make fun of my parents' TV shows for things that NEVER happen in real life. IT JUST DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT! It drives me crazy!

It's a symptom of black and white thinking. Either something is or isn't a lie, this may work well in some situations in general dealings with people things are a bit more flexible than that. Obviously people can flat out lie to you but remember things look different depending on your vantage point not everyone sees things the way you do.

I admit 100% to thinking and thus feeling this way. However, after learning how to be a professional smartass and using peoples own remarks to beat them over the head with, until they left me alone forever, did I begin to see the futility in my own behavior. What I eventually learned is that people are going to be that way regardless of the way I feel, and the truth is, that I was probably irritable about something else before they opened their big fat mouth with that s**t eating grin. Therefore I found an easy target to argue with, but for whatever reason, they just never wanted to talk about it...damn cowards.

Now as far as what can be done about it, other than Global Thermo-Nuclear Annihilation, is to realize that they are no better or worse than the guy living on the streets pan-handling for a buck. Bottom line is, they are only doing what they are told to do, and the only reason they allow people to tell them what to do, is so they will have some groceries on the table tonight. I know for a fact that it is difficult to put up with plastic people, and even harder to join them, just try not to take it so personal. A simple "No thanks: followed by an immediate about face maneuver is usually effective enough.

I don't like it, but try to entertain the possibility that the person has no choice because it's their job to sell in the manner in which their boss tells them to, and maybe they just need the money. Like telemarketers, I hate them calling, but they are just people trying to make a living.

OTOH, when I know a person is "selling" me BS and isn't being coerced, I end up hating their guts.

I was a shop clerk for some years and when I said that, I meant it as observable fact.
Then again, I have Aspergers and what's that urban legend about capacity for lying . . .


Excellent question.
I'm a little short of excellent answers but an idea might to, for example, in response to "you should really try this one" ask something such as "Hmm, really? Why do you say that?". Which forces them to justify their suggestion, giving you the power for the moment.
Ask with as much as a smile as you can manage in order to not come across as confrontational.

To "I think you're looking great today", simply reply "Thank You" and smile as you continue on your way.

Something people have said to me as the shop clerk, and I have said to shop clerks, is "Thanks. I'm just looking for now, though."
Usually, they will take that as a signal to leave you to look.
And leave you be.
Often, though not always, a person is more likely to buy something the more time spent in the store.
So, it would be in their best interest to not annoy you as you browse. A lot of clerks I have encountered know that.
But, if management is applying a large amount pressure to make sales, that may be hard for them to do.

Especially if the clerk's pay is in part based on "personal sales goals".

Which one can't really fault management too much for - they need enough money to pay the employees, the lease on the store, the utility bills for the store, advertising, local taxes, state taxes, federal taxes, medical insurance if applicable, liability insurance, unemployment insurance, accountant to keep track of all that crap, and of course the stock they offer for sale. And for their own groceries.

As lies have resulted in many painful things happening to me, I detest lying and those who lie to me.

Life would be simpler if you didn't have to waste energy sorting through other people's deceptions.

Oh yeah I totally agree. When people are nice to you just because they want something. Just wanting something isn't a good enough reason for me. You gotta be nice to me all the time not just when you want something or I'm not impressed. When people come to your house to sell you magazines they are always super nice and treat you like you are their best friend, They just met me two minutes ago.
What I do about it is I try to act like I'm not interested in talking to them. When they start the magazine spiel I tell them " I don't want any" and I shut the door. It sounds harsh but what do I need with magazines? I guess they would send me an invoice or something. The reason I am so hasty is because I think they will want money right then and I don't have it, so, I quickly try to get out of it.

I am highly annoyed by hypocrisy and feigned interest and even more annoyed that my job requires it of me. I am stuck in a customer service job and am forced to pretend I care about each customer's day and situation. There are often very emotional customers at my job and it takes everything in me to pretend to care, or at least to not turn away looking for something that would interest me.

Even if it is annoying, what use is it to berate the shop clerk for it? They are just doing their job. You're just choosing an easy target to take your anger out on. Especially since they are not allowed to retaliate or they will lose their job. Retail staff are some of the most bullied people around for that particular reason. And the other customers around watching will think you are a jerk.

Just do what most people do. "Sorry not interested" or "Thanks, but I just want to browse by myself."

Last edited by AnnieK on 26 Sep 2009, 12:48 am, edited 1 time in total.

Everyone, thank you very much for giving me some "food for thought", I really need to deal with this issue.

In addition to my initial example, I could say that I also hate it when a member of the opposite sex (not as a clerk or part of a shop, though) tries being "friendly" with me, only to stab me in the back later on, making me a subject of mockery and gossip.

I must say, it's things like the example above that have made me the skeptical, somewhat untrusting person that I am today - it's also one of the reasons I feel so comfortable writing in forums: I don't actually know who's behind the name or the monitor, so there aren't any emotions involved or trust to be given.