G'day Spazzergasm,
Your father and your father and your relationship sounds exactly the same as mine with my father. From the many layers of his selfishness, right down to personal habits that makes a person with sensory issues life hellish. I am sorry for you becasue I know how excruiating it is.
My father too used to demand respect from me, on the other hand he seemd to believe it was his duty to bully, belittle, dominate and make life as hard as he knew how for me. How could I give him respect when he didn't show it to me or any one else for that matter. I remember asking him many times if he hated me, because I honestly thought he did. Why else would he treat me so badly? I didn't understand all I knew was what he was doing was not fair and that I could never let him win, or it would all get even worse. He never won with me but it didn't stop him trying.
My mother was a fantastic mother, she had 5 children that she looked after very well, but she did not realise most of what he was doing to one of them. She worked part time because he fancied himself as a professional gambler for many years, (a hopeless one at that, but that never stopped him)When he did work it was only ever in jobs that allowed him to gamble. Anyway my father was home alot more than my mother ever was. So he didn't do the vast majority of the things that I now identify as abusive and unfair infront of my mother. Nor did he very often try doing it to her. He did know better than to try it on her. This in my mind also makes him a coward.
For all intents and purposes all my mother ever saw was me hating my own father, for no good reason that she could see, despite going above and beyond what I identified as the right thing to do in every other area of my life. Infact growing up herself in very violent and neglectful house hold she thought that I led a charmed existence and I suppose couldn't understand why I acted the way I did towards my father. My father was not violent after all !
Only in my adult life am I able to suppose he singled me out because of the massive distrust/hate but dependant relationship he had with women and of course I was the only female child, whom he thought he could have victory over. I was also very determined to achieve my goals(which he could never dream of doing) I acted nothing like how he thought females should act. Also more recently at 42 years of age do I realise he may have considered that there was actually something that set me apart from most normal people he knew.............ASD.
What my father didn't realise is that he only made me stronger by doing what he did. He did a good job of keeping me away from men for long enough (26 years)for me to achieve what I found important. When I did happen upon a man who was not frightened away by my open hostility and wanted to be with me he was left under no illussion of what I wanted out of a marriage, and also that I would never accept being treated badly within it. He was also reminded regularly if he didn't want what I wanted out of life it ws more than OK with me if he disappeared. I was going against my better judgement having anything to do with him in the first place. These days I feel as empowered as I am ever likely to need to be, for myself and anyone else I love.
The reason I am telling you this is that I too, could often not see the end to my torment when I was young, but it did end. I also came out at the other side more than adequatley equipt to deal with the world than I would have otherwise been.
You seem to be a very sensible girl for 17 year old. You must also realise it is more about your parents treatment of you than it is your silly laptop. This is just another way they can get at you. It must be encouraging to get the support from people here but I think you already know how to tread in this situation. More than likely you have been dealing with your parents crap for long enough to know how to handle it. You really don't have that much longer untill you can start to make your own decisions in life. At your age I was already studying and working full time shift work. I got great joy out of my job that I had initially secured through doing volunteer work with the disabled, and changed my whole approach to my existence.
I would be careful with doing things you are doubtful about it this situation. I would hate to see you even more uncomfortable at home because you did something you wouldn't ordinarily do.
Hope this helps
25 Oct 2009, 12:59 am
that was funny.
Just make sure you aren't in the car at the time.
. providing they dont get an account. XD
