Were you beter off,not knowing you had AS?

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Well overall if it was up to me I'd burn stacks of the DSM next to the crazy church people burning Pikachu's and Harry Potter. I think disorders are fine for 1) Children (hopefully mom/dad) can help the child understand the disorder etc. 2) Psycho's AKA Ted Bundy 3) YOU seek a diagnosis (NO I don't mean your teacher/husband/boss etc. thinks you have a psychological condition! YOU YOURSELF SEEK A DIAGNOSIS OF SOMETHING!) etc. Otherwise IMO behavior IS WHAT IT IS! No matter the disorder name. I think it's WRONG in adultdood since for me it leaves me questioning my sense of self and who I am as a person. My Psychology teacher said it's just a list of things it doesn't define you but IMO no matter the disorder name IT DOES define YOU!

For me I look at every behavior now adays and question WP and alot of them have my experiences so this is AS and this and this and this and this etc. Well then what IS ME! If all these traits are AS? Sure it helps me and others (no matter the disorder) understand are selfs better but at WHAT COST! Questioning are behavior daily?? Perhaps you've accepted it and your family etc. have aswell but my issues have landed threats to be kicked out of the house. So while yes they are who I am and it helps me understand myself I still don't have an answer on how to fix them. I wish family etc. could just except people for who they are and not have issues with me and such but alas I've come to learn the only person that understands YOU IS YOU!! !! !!

P.S. sorry if I offended anyone.

I would hope that you would be able to use it the other way-- now you know where your problems are. From there, you can work on figuring out where your problems aren't. Preferably you'll be able to find a professional to help with that, but you can also work on it on your own, and on WP. Once you know why you've failed at something, you can start to fix it-- not necessarily always by doing things differently, also by doing different things. Not being able to do some things doesn't mean not being able to do anything. Now you have to figure out how to get your life to turn better within the context of AS.

@TS: I'm 35 years old, just got my dx for HFA. And I had about the same experience. Until about 6 months ago I also though that I could change: become mentally stronger, more social aware, etc. Given the chance I would figure it out.

That did not work out all that well.

The weird things is that already kind-of-knew for many years that I had much in common with autism. I knew that, I had read about it and knew it. And still I did not consider it as a reason for why living was so hard for me. It just never crossed my mind.

Its all very fresh for me too so I don't have much advice/insight to share.

The thing I noticed is that I have let go of the guilt/shame/denial; I'm no longer fighting my nature anymore? If that makes any sense. I've given up pretending to be normal; I am what I am; Accept of reject me as such. In some ways this experience has been liberating.

Last edited by Meta on 29 Nov 2009, 6:12 pm, edited 2 times in total.

I'm better off knowing. It's better to know that I have merely a problem and that I am not crazy.

I haven't known all that long, but frankly for me the jury is still out. It does explain a lot of my life's experiences up to this point, but it's also definitely having a negative impact on some things I'd thought of trying, as they're socially oriented... it makes social ineptitude feel stamped in steel.

It has helped others better understand me, but now they're starting to 'Mom' me, and for pete's sake, I'm 50+ years old... I didn't ask for their social coaching, only their understanding.

yep.
autism's always fascinated me.
i want a professional's opinion, though, even though i know i don't have nvld or something like that. i have dropped the whole facade of "at least pretending to be normal." i started acting how i wanted, within reason. besides the entertainingly strange looks, i am much happier. i am observing, anyway, for things to tell my psychologist.
my love tells me that i'm a supercomputer hooked up with a 56k modem.

A supercomputer hooked up with a 56k modem Oh how cute!! !! Or atleast I think that sounds sweet.

For me, it is better that I know. It gives me a good feeling knowing that there is something that I have that makes me socially awkward, rather than just being really slow in becoming better socially. Why situations are the way they are in life, now and in the past, have become more clear for me, even though they are not totally clear.

A burden was definitely lifted when I got over my initial frustration over the diagnosis and actually started to learn about Aspergers. I might have been better off not knowing that the social handicap would never completely go away, though. Even falsely believing that I could overcome that completely might have led me to try harder and take more risks in life.

Yes and no.


I knew I was different and I wanted to be normal and the last thing I needed to hear was I had something. I started questioning why I had to be different at age 10. But what I didn't know was I had was a hidden disability. I just assumed I was like everyone else and I had to try harder and I couldn't understand why things had to be so hard. I assumed it was that way for everyone else too and I just had to try harder. Then my mom tells me the label at age 12 because after all I was asking why I was different. I was also unaware of my other traits like taking things literal, I didn't know sarcasm existed (I knew of "Great" and "thanks a lot") I didn't know people could read minds or be psychic (it feels that way), I didn't know disliking change was abnormal, I didn't know I saw the world different or thought different. But I didn't just give up after being told what I had. It just made me try harder thinking I could get rid of it. It took me a couple years to come around to accept the label. I've noticed how lot of kids don't like having AS and hate it after finding out vs grown ups finding out and they feel the opposite.
I sure didn't feel relieved or happy when I fist got told.

But I am better off knowing because it's helped me coped and when I first read about it, it explained why I found friendships hard and why I had obsessions, why I'm so literal and couldn't tell when people were joking, and when I kept reading about it, I read about a mother from England who also had AS and she had three kids so that told me I could have them too and live alone because she was. Then I heard about Laine Holliday Willey and she was married with three kids and one of her daughters also had it so I knew there was hope I could find a guy who want me.
If I didn't know about AS, would I have been better now? I might not have never known about body language or know more social skills and whats socially appropriate because I wouldn't have gone to these forums to learn. So in some ways of me knowing what I have, it has helped.
I don't fret on the label or worry about having it. I just be myself but I don't go talking about my obsessions all the time and I use skills I have learned. I just don't use it as an excuse and let it limit me. If I want to do something, do it. Sure I have thought what if I can't do it, what if I'm not good at it. I don't even know when I am having symptoms of it unless it's obvious. On Thanksgiving it was definitely obvious I had it that day from what my husband told me what I did at the table. Talking about A League of Their Own and saying facts about it and I didn't give anyone else a chance to speak because I kept talking talking talking and no one could get a word in edgewise. My voice was loud and then when the topic changed, I left. I was done eating and I stayed at the table. But at least I had the best conversation ever in a long time. If I did that at home in Montana, my mom would have hushed me mid way and ask to change topics. I then would have been quiet and not talking much.
Fretting about AS and wondering if everything I am doing is AS or thinking I did this was due to AS feels like I am using it as an excuse and I actually want to have it and be it. Makes me feel hypdronic (what's the word?). I find it a waste to worry what if I do this is AS, what if this is AS and so on. I just see aspies as regular people except they have challenges but doesn't everyone? Doesn't everyone have things they need to work on? I view us as normal. We can think and feel, have opinions, eat, sleep, think, be bad as anyone else, have our own religious beliefs, have fetishes, have likes and dislikes.

Last edited by Spokane_Girl on 03 Dec 2009, 9:11 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Precisely

That really resonated with me.. Up until last year when I moved down here, still the only explanation I had of anything was my dad telling me "I don't know why, but everything is just more difficult for you." Me sobbing and sobbing, feeling like a failure, wishing I had never been born, and all I ever got was that things are harder for me. Nobody every knowing why, usually me getting blamed, and just that occasional moment when my dad would tell me that for unknown reasons--reasons none of those "experts" who "deal with this kind of thing all the time" (of course, the wrong kind of thing... but that didn't stop them from blaming me anyway)-- for totally unknown reasons, everything on the planet was just harder for me. Of course, now that I'm pretty sure I know why, it's impossible to find a professional who knows anything at all about that reason why.

I was relieved and happy to know that I had been right about being different or off all along and coming on here has made me see that I'm not crazy with certain aspects of my life.

But as far as the rest of society is concerned, it seems that it doesnt make any difference to them...not even to my own family. They still continue to be ignorant of my AS and call it an excuse despite the diagnosis and laugh off any of my serious concerns as they have done in my childhood.

My so-called friends after the diagnosis gave me the same sh*t that my so-called friends before the diagnosis did.

And no actual treatment on how to improve my social skills was given to me despite the amount of counseling I got after high school.

I have both pro's and con's for this one.

Knowing that I probably have AS has explained a lot of my oddness throughout the years. I'm VERY glad I didn't know this earlier. If I knew I had a "disability" I would have set limitations for myself. If I was soaked up in mental healthcare I probably wouldn't have found the dating courses that have skyrocketed my understanding of social interaction. In my experience public services can't be sliiiightly controversial. They can do or say something if it's not in tune with the tide, media and the science.

Yes, the difficulties have made my life worse on occations. But I found ways to get by. I would have social periods and intense interest periods, because being in between wore me out. I would get very ashamed every time I realized I mistook a social cue or noticed I'd said something awkward. This is a point where I really could've needed some professional help. I am secretly extremely secretive. People won't usually notice this. But there are certain topics I literally never talk about, even if they take up a large part of my time. This is probably a big reason why I don't have a diagnosis. I don't talk to anyone in real life about my relationship knowlegde. Even though it has a huge inpact on my life. I never tell my parents a single thing about my former (theoretical and only very slightly practical) special interest in drugs. The interest eventually morphed into a strong interest in nutrition, which they do know all about. My dad still insists I should become a nutrition physiologist or whatever you call it in english.

Which leads me to my next point; If my teachers and parents had understood me I would have gotten better grades less confusion and less of a head ache. People could have done things easier for me.

A student who can do calculus without knowing the rules, litterally never does homework, is totally spaced out, teachers think he addicted to drugs, spends 80% of his waking and his supposed sleep time on his computer, and thus sleeps at school instead needs some assistance. It's within reason.

Ironically enough I still didn't fail any grades. I got lots of poor grades and almost failed my gym, religion, maths and bad grades in most other subjects too. Now, that's a f*****g great fits-all-sizes-system! Especially since I'm naturally pretty good at maths. I guess sleeping through all of my classes made that happen though.

I don't think you should need a magic diagnosis to have people see that you have individual needs.

I first discovered Asperger's a few months ago and was lucky enough to find a psychologist in my area who assessed adults. My whole life finally makes sense. Although it's been a lot of ups and downs I would never go back to not knowing. I've already learned so much about myself and my life is slowly adjusting to this new information.

(a notice: i am not an aspie i am hfa, but not much difference).

at first yes, now, no!

even though i was diagnosed when i was very small (4 or 5), i didn't find out i had autism until i was about 15 as my parents were in denial of it for a long time. but then when my problems became to much i got another diagnosis and was old enough this time to understand it.

i was very upset because it made me feel like giving up on everything because i felt like all the people who had called me ret*d (that i'd never cared about before) were sort of right. and this made me disappointed. it made me unhappy with myself a little bit, not because i didn't like the way i was, i am fine with it, but just now i knew that when other people perceived me as ret*d or something being just 'off'....well they were right. there is something wrong with me. i didn't like knowing that, i liked it better before when i thought THEY were the one with the problem.

i kept resenting it into my early 20s when i tried and failed to attend university, get a job and move out of home. i don't know what went wrong. i just couldn't do it. i don't have any special gifts or interests that can be transferred into a job or career. i ended up having to move into a group home for HFAs and getting government disability support. this is not what i wanted.

now i am quite ok with it. i live with my girlfriend most of the time. and i work at the same group home that i moved into and hated years ago. i run and supervise groups, i devised/supervise a one on one mentoring program for AS kids and i sometimes stay at the house to supervise new arrivals, and alot of other stuff. it does not pay very well at all, but it is a job that i really enjoy.

so in the end if it wasn't for me having HFA i would not be lucky enough to have such an awesome job and girlfriend (who i also met through HFA).