You Might be an Aspie if...

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Happy new year to those in the UK!

You Might Be An Aspie If:

When, on a visit to the ER, the triage nurse going through the long list of routine questions gets to the one that asks "Do you ever think of harming yourself or anyone else?" and a long silence ensues before you answer "No" which prompts her to smile and say, "Ah, so you had to think about that one for a bit, huh?".... you might be an Aspie.

And following that, the triage nurse asks "Do you live in a safe environment?" and once again, you stop and think for a bit about the possibility of a nuclear holocaust, the ozone, polluted rivers, tornadoes, child abductions, muggings, murders, gang warfare, home invasions, etc., and then you look up and say "No, not really," which causes a look of concern to come over her face, which in turn prompts your adult daughter to step in and say, "Mom, she referring to domestic violence," and then you "Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, I live in a safe environment."

And then, when they keep you overnight for observation, a strange man in a lab coat comes into your room in the middle of the night and tells you your blood work reveals you are low on potassium and should take these two white pills which you refuse saying, "How do I know that's potassium? Bring me some bananas. I'll eat some bananas instead."

YMBAAI you focus language learning on your special hobby leaving you able to talk about something like physics, or philosophy, but you can't tell the time in your new language.
YMBAAI people wonder if your hyperfocus allows you to endure, and enjoy what others consider torture.
YMBAAI you spend hours transcribing and translating a thread (unintended genetics pun ftw) on philosophy from your target language to your native language while replying to a thread in a 3rd language about your target language.
YMBAAI you deliberately change the menu settings all the televisions to foreign languages to the bewilderment and annoyance of your family.
YMBAAI your head explodes when your parent asks what channel is Youtube on.
YMBAAI you are the only person keeping your family out of the technological Stone Age.
YMBAAI you can see the Matrix for what it is and sometimes you want to break IN.
YMBAAI people ask you for help for their grades, and you oblige while your own suffer.
(RIP Kim Peek)YMBAAI you have ever been referred to as the Human
-Computer
-Calculator
-Almanac
-Thesaurus
-Dictionary
and they consult you before using the appropriate item
YMBAAI you despise calculators because you envy their accurate, and fast calculating ability and prefer to do mental math, or pencil-and-paper.

^ Good one. I relate.


You might be an aspie if you don't quite understand it when people talk abstractly and joke about how they 'take things literally'. As a result you've never quite understood the use of the word 'literal' because it really doesn't seem all that straightforward.

You have generally refrained from ever using the word because of this.

you might be an aspie if.....You do not have a favorite holiday food because you cannot eat in groups.

you might be an aspie if....... you listen to an elaborate joke to be polite but cannot even fake a laugh but when the guy trips over the curb walking away and spins around trying to get his balance and yet still falls, you laugh until you almost fall down.

probably been said before but you have stop people and clarify literal or figurative meanings in alot of conversations. Once this guy was bragging that he went out on a date and his date picked up the waitress and I had to ask him if he meant literally picked her up, or hit on her. The answer was hit on her, apparently successfully. And I was strongly leaning toward 'lifted'. It's never dull.

YMBAAI: you got distracted by the beauty of the bubbles at the top of the freshly opened cola bottle. Seriously - they were this incredible lattice of bubbles and it was fascinatingly beautiful!

You might be an Aspie if you make strange finger gestures while at work...

You go to your aunt and uncles for the holiday and your family is there and instead you get on your laptop

You give out vague requests but you are direct with them (eg. "You left crumbs on the counter, clean them up")

You might be an aspie, if you'd rather do your own thing, than follow mainstream society.