Kids?

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My boyfriend has asperger's and i have nld should we have kids

Only if you two want to.

And if you feel you can take care of them (financially and such).

genical wouldnt they have probelms

You guys have a chance of having an aspie child or a learning disabled child or both.

I'd rather have an aspie or learning disabled child, than no children at all. Than again, I'm too much of a rebel to be a mother.

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Last edited by Willard on 11 Jan 2010, 10:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.

While I generally find I agree with Willard on most things (like about the people at Austism Speaks who seem to think we're some kind of plague or inferior sort of being), I don't think self-loathing is the only reason one might worry about an Aspie child. Having AS is hard, even for Aspies who are smart and high-fuctioning. It does make life hard, as the world is designed for the neurotypical. However, the chance of having an Aspie child is no reason not to have kids if you want them. There are all kinds of ways to help an Aspie child learn to function in an NT-oriented world. As a side note, my NT parents produced one Aspie (that's me) and one NT (my brother) child. While you might be more inclined to have a child with AS, autism, or learning disability, you could just as easily have a completely NT child, like Willard's daughter or my brother.

I think being an parent aspie is hard work but it's hard work for everyone.

If you want children, if you want to be a mother, then have your children and be a mother.

Society loves to tell people all the reasons why they aren't "fit" to parent. Lemme tell you there are a hella lot of so-called "NT" people who are severely messed up beyond all reason.

Ask yourself this:

Can you keep a baby clean, fed, warm/cool enough, clothed, housed, entertained, and loved?

If you don't know details of feeding/clothing/teaching/parenting, are you confident that you would be able to research and learn what & how things need to be done?

Can you embrace social services, doctors, social baby groups, sports groups, educational systems etc? All of which will become a part of your life?
Do you have the patience to deal with a child who demands a lot of repetition and constant attention?

Can you listen to an hour long Barney / Teletubbies / Backyardigans episode 74 times in a row without snapping and throwing the DVD player off the balcony??

Can you accept your son or daughter for who they are? No matter what?
Would you do your absolute best, and if your best was falling short, would you be willing and ready to ask for help?

If so, then you're ready. Go for it.

On the up side, if your child is AS, you may 'luck out' by having him/her insist on watching the same episode of of Nature over and over again, as I did. I would imagine that this would be easier for one to bear.

In response to what others have said, it has been my own personal experience that spectrum folks tend to be very good with children, and I personally consider a slightly elevated probability of having ASD children to be a non-issue. So I would recommend that you ask yourselves: 'Do I/we want children?' 'Are we ready for that commitment?' and 'Can we provide a healthy environment to raise children in?' If you answer 'yes' to all three, then I say go for it.

I don't want a child with clinical or any type of depression. I keep thinking that that child might be happier floating around wherever he is rather than being stuck inside a head of a person that is depressed.

From everything I've heard and read, they have a higher than normal chance (I think it's around %50-%50) of having AS or more severe autism.

If you're worried about that, you can always adopt. :3

(I know I was a really tough kid for my mom to raise, and I would NOT want to deal with a kid like me..)

from what i hear because asperger and nld both effect the right side of brain

I would say no more than 50% of the population should be having children.


Just like everyone on the autistic spectrum shouldn't be having them.

I was told by a genetic counselor that if one parent is in the autistic spectrum, there is a 30% chance the child will be in the spectrum also. The scariest part: There is no correlation between severity of the parent and the child. A high functioning autistic has just as much chance of having a low function or high functioning child (and the reverse is also true).

I have a 15 month old and I am having quite a rough time. How can I show my love to a child when I hate being touched? Hate kissing or being kissed? Hate people touching my hand? When I forget that normal people need encouragement and compliments?

Anyways: Its not hard to be an "average" father, the biggest thing a parent can do is just to "be there", to be present.