A view on life, and a plea for help.

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Hi, I'm Winston Kalmbach. I've been diagnosed as an Autistic person since I was 12 months old.
Since then, I'm proud to say that I have come a long way and done alot of work to be as I am. But In my opinion, I've never really changed. Every step forward seems to take one step back, from getting into arguments to simply being unable to have an emotional conversation. Society has made me into what I am, and yet a part of me can do nothing but despise exactly that.

I go to school every single day, and wonder why. It's not that I'm not learning, it's that the learning becomes harder.
I find myself bored with the overly and stern and impossibly Neanderthal-esque school system, and I can do nothing but try to find ways to vent. Obviously I've considered dropping out, but the measure of standards is so high in modern society, I feel I would be throwing my life away if I didn't get a diploma and go to college.

I don't know what to say, and I don't know if trying to be more proactive by writing this is going to help me at all, but at least I have the ability to try, something that I know I should thank my lucky stars for. Everyday get's harder, and It seems like I'm slipping into a bottomless pit that I will never get out of.
I have no form of expression, and that's not saying I don't have interests.
I have an extremely advanced interest in reading for my age, averaging 20-25 books a month, all of them 400-800 page novels.
There is nothing I love more then music, and I consider myself very varied in all genre's.
I'm 15, I'm a 10th grader In high school, I'm a gifted student, and I'm willing to take any suggestion of a hobby, or anything else, that will help me better and more exuberantly spend my spare time.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi WinstonK,

I am 36 and still find it hard to get "interested".......in saying that, I am not dooming us to a life of terrible boredom and atrophy! I am simply saying that all things are in flux. That you may feel this way now, but it will change. I have had periods of time through this life where I have been extremely productive.........and then burnout usually follows, in reality.

It is the productivity I try and focus on........the times where I am using my brain in active pursuits.

But as you cannot have night without day, you cannot have work without rest........all things in duality.

This period of restlessness and "where am I going?" will culminate at a central point, and you shall choose the right direction. Believe it and it shall happen, no matter how long it takes. My only advice is stay in school, but supplement it with your own passions. If you can read at this level, start looking at the curriculum for reading at University(literature studies etc.) or taking notes when you read, or writing your own book. It matters little your knowledge, for that can be researched. But if you love the written word, focus on that.

Try and exercise if you can........it will get the brain going.

Take care and keep talking...

Mics

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hey Winston, do you play an instrument? Learning one and playing it in your room could be a good way to do something with your time.
School got harder for me too and it was over for me by the time I was 13, but I went to a college at 15 and was treated like an adult so I learned things a lot more easier. And this college was for people that couldn't get into university and could get a job at the end of their course. I never did get a job though. The courses were free because my mum was on some sort of plan.

At first I thought exercise but then, naa. I think if you take some modern dance classes it could do you a world of good. The music, the movement bound together. It would improve your coordination, strengthen your body, release endorphins, give you an expression outlet. Exercise can be solitary but in dance there is interaction with other people. Please do not respond with a knee-jerk "i can't dance". This is not getting out and shaking your booty. It is about strength, stretching, isolating, stamina, and creativity. And it needs training and practice as with any art.
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4ubXSt7SVo[/youtube]

or

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dw6FNSgkcm8[/youtube]

Dancing or playing an instrument is kind of out of the question.
I have a limited amount of freetime, and something like that would only limit it further.
I love the response that I'm getting, it's actually lightening my spirits a bit, but I'd more suggestions.