Aspie Meltdown

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I always hold it all in and do nothing about it. It usually feel very depressed afterwards though :/
sometimes I've come close to breaking but I figure it's better to hold it all in than to embarrass myself not doing so.

It's like I get so frustrated that I can no longer function. If I'm holding something that's not breakable I will sometimes throw it. I want to scream and sometimes it's difficult communicating. There's all this pent up anger and frustration and I can't find a way to express it, and I cannot see a way around whatever issue caused the meltdown even if there is one. I've had fewer since I stopped hanging out with people who set me off all the time, plus my boyfriend can calm me down really quickly.

When I am having a mild meltdown I get very quiet, I stim a lot, and I feel very agitated. During a bad meltdown I'll get verbally (but never physically) aggressive and angry, I'll have a hard time speaking in coherent sentences.

It varies, sometimes I get really mad like I want to scream and others really tearful, agitated and anxious and just need to get away. Now I don't every minute overstimulated and stressed I am getting much better at feeling when it's coming on but I have let my coping strategies slip and need to do something about it. Been out with my new camera this weekend which I haven't had a chance to do in months and it was nice to have some peace. Sadly the tide was out though so I didn't get to see the sea which always helps and makes me feel much better

Used to be screaming and crying and from the age of 10-12, locking myself in the school toilet (because my meltdowns happened due to being teased/rejected) until someone threatened to break down the door. And all my meltdowns were reported to my family and I got made fun of for being immature, so I learnt to control my meltdowns to avoid more teasing, but I still feel like crying and screaming over the smallest of things (e.g.: being unable to solve a maths problem) and I have ran to the toilet crying when I get scolded over something I said unintentionally (I try so hard to be polite, but it comes out rude and I get scolded by 5 different people over it)

Wow, this is a real eye-opener to me. My mother has always suffered from meltdowns. I have just put it down to her inability to express herself in a constructive manner. My Dad, sister and I tell her to go to bed when she is like this. It helps if she lies down in a darkened room. I'm not sure what else to do to help her. I used to take it personally, but now I don't.

This has made me wonder if I have meltdowns. I go into a sort of white rage. If I am around people I can usually control myself and I just go very quiet. Although, I started to flake out about something and had a bit of a meltdown when I was out for lunch with my sister and her friends. One of them said, "wow, I've never seen you like this. It's a little scary." Last time I had a meltdown was when my sister took me shopping. Just the amount of shops and the amount of colours and clothes to look through in the shops just flaked me out. I don't know why. I think I stress about what I should look like as a female. I worry that I am making the wrong choices and I desperately try to look normal. I took her with me to help me choose some normal looking clothes. But she wasn't helping. I just started getting really upset like I was going to cry and I felt agitated and kept snapping at her.
She says that she is never taking me shopping again.

If I am alone in the house I am more liable to throw things when I melt down. I have chipped one of the kitchen cabinets by throwing a teaspoon accross the kitchen. I had to repaint the kitchen because I threw a wet tea bag at the wall. It exploded everywhere. What a mess. I don't reccomend throwing tea bags...

I've thrown and hit things before too, walls are not good choices... I find laying in the dark helps too or music

I'm not meltdown prone, happily.

I sometimes used to do odd s**t as a kid if distressed like yank at my own hair or hit something, but it was more like just a gesture, not something severe enough to raise an alarm. Kind of 'trace meltdowns'.

I had a few actual meltdowns when I was 12/13 in high school. I pulled out handfuls of my own hair.

I was fine though once I'd been taken out of that environment and no one was yelling abuse at me or pushing me down hillsides...

This.
It helps as a way of releasing my anger, as well as showing my anger towards another person.

I get really emotional and then I just go silent and can't even talk to anybody.

Oranges... Never throw oranges either no matter how satisfying the splat!

I'm quite surprised really because people have been saying my 'meltdowns' are mental illness and not AS related... Okay that might be true but a lot of you are saying that you scream, shout, throw and break things. That's what happens to me. Sometimes I get violent, maybe that's the part that isn't AS... I don't know. I often throw myself on the floor and scream while pulling my hair or bang my head on the wall so hard it leaves blood all over the place... more disturbing to look at than it feels. I wonder if it is the intensity of my meltdowns which makes them think it is mental illness...

I've hit and thrown things. I usually cry and scream or do more stimming or pacing during the whole thing. I've done some head banging.

I once left a bruise on my husband's arm for a few weeks because I have thrown my cell phone at him for telling me to "calm down." I have also hit him too. He says my meltdowns are like a toddler. He is welcome to restrain me if I hit him but he thinks he'll hurt me if he does. I just prefer to be left alone when I am this upset. I can't listen or even be bothered. If my meltdown is caused by something, only way to calm down is if it gets solved or I get what I want.

I get anxious and upset and feel sick and sometimes get stomach aches and a weak dizzy feeling in my head. I can't talk to people, work, or function at all in a place that is too hard for me to cope with whether it's sensory overload or forced socializing or whatever.
I wish I'd been diagnosed as a child not now at 20 years of age, because by now I would have learned to recognize the beginning of one and I'd have more strategies for getting better. Also, my parents wouldn't be in denial and forbid me to get treatment, and home life would be generally easier as they'd all be a bit more accommodating. I'm really worried because I can't work or stay in college when I have meltdowns and have to leave for home where I can control my environment. I don't want to feel so disabled any more. I want to be able to work and not need to spend all my time off recovering from it, and I want to go to college and just get through my work and not get sick like this every so often.
Any advice guys?