bethaniej wrote:
PrisonerSix wrote:
bethaniej wrote:
There are other examples as well, including years of forced swimming because she wanted to do that, and being put down because I didn't want to learn a musical instrument like she did. The list goes on and on and to this day, I'll never understand why my sister was such a gold standard to them and why they were so determined to make me into a copy of her.
I think this is actually still very typical of parents. I work with kids and we see this a lot at school. One child is one way (particularly if they are great academically), and another child is different...and they always have a difficult time with it. We had two brothers that came through our classroom at different times. The first was a good reader/writer, very academic. The second wasn't...he loved to draw and made such humorous, artistic pictures and had a wonderful sense of humor...but he was always put upon because of 'not being like ___" That's a hard row to hoe.
B
I see your point of how some parents have more than one child and they expect them to be the same or at least very similar, especially if they are close in age like my sister and I were. But I never understood why everything constantly changed based on her. Why wasn't there some firm set rules, standards, etc. besides her whims? If she doesn't like something today, it's bad but if she changes her mind about it the next day, it's mandatory.
I remember when I started college, my sister was going to go away to graduate school and I hoped with her gone, they'd stop comparing me to her and start accepting me the way I was or at least if I wasn't accepted, it might be for a reason better than not being my sister. She decided not to leave, so it continued on and even escalated.
She wanted to go to medical school and my parents came up with new reasons for force what she did down my throat. They felt if I didn't do whatever she wanted, go where she wanted, etc., it meant she wasn't being supported and without support, she wouldn't get into medical school. I don't see how my not doing things with her like going to the mall or going to football games(something I did not enjoy) was keeping her out of medical school, but that is what my parents came up with and it was always a big fight if I didn't go places with her. It wasn't even go with her sometimes or most of the time, if she wanted me to go along, it had to be 100% or else. They even threatened to have me thrown in a mental institution because not going out enough(i.e. going everywhere she wants me to when she wants me to, since going to places and activities that didn't involve her didn't count as going out or even doing anything in their eyes) was going to warp my personality and make me unable to function anywhere.
She did move out for a while when she went to medical school and all that nonsense stopped, but she kept coming back get leaves from school for various reasons and it all started up again. While she was gone, I seldom went out, didn't go to a single football game, party, etc., and absolutely nothing was said about it. It was so nice to just be myself.
What was worse she eventually dropped out of medical school. Even if she had made it through, it was still wrong to try and beat me down just to boost her glass fragile self esteem so she could make it. I've never forgiven them for what they did, especially what they did to me when I was in college, as they didn't care that they made these promises to me that I'd have a different homelife and made no effort to keep them. It shouldn't have mattered how I spent my time whether my sister was there or not, if she couldn't accept me doing my own thing and devoting every minute to her, that should have been her problem, not mine.
The only solution I've found is to move away from my messed up family for once and for all, and live the way I want to live, without judgement.
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PrisonerSix
"I am not a number, I am a free man!"
12 Mar 2010, 2:40 pm
