I hope everybody will read it carefull.
I'm still very confused with my diagnose.
I was diagnosed last year as 'mild ASS spectrum'. She me told I was maybe 1% autistic.
I NEVER thought I was autistic, I just had a very big concentration problem.
I talked with my doctor (not that [] who give me the diagnose) and he gave me some Ritalin.
When I toke it, I felt good after 45 mins.
No euphoria, but just a 'feeling normal' feeling. I could concentrate on everything I saw.
I even see stuff I never saw before, like the color of a particular chair, or cool painting in the school hall. And I'm not the whole day tired anymore.
I can tell my mother I love her without being ashamed now.
I NEVER had problems reading emotions, or understanding social clues.
When I'm not in a fight I will NEVER say something that can touch somebody.
But when my emotions play with my head..
Sometimes I'm rude and I shout very bad stuff at my family when I'm angry. But its more impulsive, I'm like a train at that moment. I'm the only person who exist and I just want to break the person. But 5 min later when I take a walk or go to a shop.. the emotions come back to normal.. And I say: "s**t, I made a mess"...
At school when I'm with my friends outside, I usually think 100% about making a good image and categorizing other people.
I always thought I was bipolar my emotions change every hour to very tired, to awake, to feeling smart, to feeling useless, to feeling good, etc..
I'm ashamed to show my emotions, I can show them.. but I'm usually ashamed.
I only feel guilty or have empathy for animals or my family.
I got alot of close friends, but I don't really feel empathy for them, I feel like acting 100% of time.
I'm not a weirdo or somebody without social skills like most Aspies.
I want to be the best or special. I like to make myself look smart or special. I really feel like smarter then most people, more pretty looking then other people. I always wanted to be choosen, I don't feel like other.. I feel like I'm bigger not like the rest.
When I'm explaining you guys this you could think i'm narcisistic/sociopath/psychopath but why would I tell you this guys?
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