Does anyone have depersonalization?

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I was diagnosed with disassociation as a kid, whenever I was exposed to a situation that had the potential to cause me distress, I would disassociate. It's like switching into 3rd person mode in a game, you experience your enviroment away from your physical self, your switched off emotionally and to some extent physically. It's sort of a survival skill you can't unlearn, at least thats been my experience.

I had a therapist person throw dissociative disorder nos into the paperwork a few years back. I have times where I am definitely 'doing it on automatic'. It is not uncommon for me to feel as though I am sitting two inches back in my head. It is like I am a visitor in my own body some days... not connected to myself at all...

Have experienced this in severe meltdown, as though my skull were the cockpit of a large Transformer, and some malevolent alien presence else had roughly shoved me out of the seat and taken over the controls.

Does the part of you that's set aside feel very calm and detached though the other part is raging?

More puzzled and curious than calm, but not inclined to interfere. Its definitely like two completely separate entities.

I've had both dispersonalization and disreality often enough to have them not totally freak me out, but not long lasting enough to be an issue either. When I was getting regulated on Celexa, I had some big-times dispersonalization and disreality events, if I had been driving I'd have been in serious trouble.

This used to be me! I spent 3 years in therapy when I was younger learning how to "live in the real world", good times! It can be unlearned but it is HARD and there's always temptation (because dissociation is a choice, believe it or not!), but it's about buckling up and making a choice just to not do it and remain here. But I'm also not on the spectrum and I don't know if it would be harder for a person with an ASD to give it up.

From what I have read of DPD, I don't see that it should really be considered a disorder at all. From my (limited) understanding of what the condition entails, I would think that it is actually a more accurate understanding of reality. That's my take, anyhow.

I had severe dissociation (including depersonalization and derealizarion, I was diagnosed dissociative disorder NOS) as a reaction to an untreated severe pain condition combined with complex-partial seizures and extreme overwork (by which I mean like... going so far past my limits I barely knew who I was). All three of those things contributed, and getting all three under control has mostly made it go away except in states of severe breakthrough pain (I have trigeminal and occipital neuralgia and body-wide neuropathic pain).

I have experiences of derealisation. Sometimes in public places I feel like behind the glass, light becomes highlight, I become heavier and heavier, clumsy and stiff, my voice become deeper and harsher, it's so Not-me. And it's so unreal, it can't be true, it's only a dream... wake up, wake up, get away!

I don't like it.

May I ask Anbuend, what Rx are you taking for your body-wide neuropathic pain? I'm curious because I take Lyrica for FMS, IC and Hunner Syndrome.

Edited to correct IS to IC

Last edited by Taupey on 28 Mar 2010, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've been depersonalised all of my life (I'm now 49). It isn't a problem as such for "me" anyway. Concepts of a personal self are somewhat vague. I don't really know who or what "I" am anyway.

My earliest memories as a child are looking at "my" hands knowing they weren't me but something that belonged to me. Same with my face in the mirror - I'm still surprised to even have a face! Same at a deeper level too. Thoughts, emotions, things I say are often witnessed rather than being me. According to Buddhism this is a sought after state.

From what I understand of the mind and brain, sentiments of having an "I" or "me" are artefacts of the brain anyway. No such entity really exists. It is just a construction or "token" of the brain to allow a distinction between the particular body the brain is in to that of other bodies and objects around it. So in a sense "I" am more cued into reality than those with this illusory "I" construct.

I feel sth like this above. I think Is it really ME? This body is horrible, why so big? Wasn't smaller body to choose? I can't manage with all these functions! I can't manage my voice, wasn't smaller scale to choose?

And I feel inside conflict: one half is SO PERFECT, I MUST BE BETTER! and second is disorganised and forgets about many things. I'm type of person who can't come on time (although wants so much, really wants!), but brings works and they're so well done, give me highest note, please. I can't see any sense in this task, you must be really bored and school is f***ed up, but I'm gonna do it perfect.
I know I should learn now, but I can't get doing it... and which half is real me?
I want to love all the world, but I also want to destroy some things/people to make it better... which half is real me? I still don't know.

I'm currently reading that book

I do not have a depersonalisation disorder* but do suffer depersonalisation, derealisation and other similar oddities sometimes. Often it's only very mild and doesn't bother me much, but I have had shutdowns that caused me to feel very numb and fake or lifeless for several days.

*I most probably have an anxiety disorder, though, (been treated for many years but have never been told "You have G.AD." or anything) which can cause depersonalisation attacks.

My psychology lecturer said depersonalisation is partly to do with feedback from the body (if I have understood and remembered correctly). This would probably make autistic people prone to it as our senses are muddled and if the feelings from our own body are messed up or absent entirely due to sensory problems then this could result in depersonalisation.

Had anybody an Out Of Body Experience?
Me not, I haven't seen myself like strange person. But I often feel outside, like ok, I adjust Automatic-drive and be right back

Thank You for the link to the other thread. It also has links to other threads of the same subject as well. It was very enlightening.