Living on your own terms/Not caring what other people do
This took years of introspection, hitting rock bottom, along with noticing how healthier I was when I stopped caring as much. Also, I'm not one of those medicine advocates, but I'm sure my anti-depressants have played some role in my mood and allowing me to see things more clearly.
People have told me that basically what I'm describing is cognitive therapy - that is, assigning a realistic belief to a situation instead of the doom and gloom belief that you hold. It isn't about lying to yourself, it's about finding a middle ground that is probably closer to the truth.
Also, I realized I associate better with so-called "non cool" guys...musicians (not the popular music)...bookworms, people like Niles from Frasier, people who aren't natural athletes or get all the women without trying. So I realized that being myself wasn't a bad thing.
Sometimes I go out of my way to show my differences. Sometimes I dress differently because I feel like being an ass. I can dress nicely too but that's usually when I feel like it. Usually I just wear pretty casual clothes that make me look like a 12 year old boy.
I think you should eat more healthier. And I think people should take more notice of politics. It's not just about hating the opposite side, like a sports team. It's about taking a stand and letting those fat cat conservatives that they can't just walk over us. Really, wouldn't people want to have a say in what is decided by the government? It affects every part of your life as long as you live in that country.
The fact that I'm political makes me different from my NT friends and family. They couldn't give a rats about politics.
It's pretty much ubiquitous that politicians and corporations suck. I hear Australia has a decent, better than Canada's, universal health system though. The US just passed some "health reform," that totally helps the parasitic health insurance companies. f**k the US government.
Our health system is pretty good. I don't know much about Canada's health system.
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My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
Because you have to interact with them ?
That's my point, you don't have to. Even if you don't have the luxury of having understanding parents/family, or you want to live on your own...there are jobs that don't require interacting with NTs. If you don't have a social life, or just a bunch of scattered friends, you don't have to be around NTs.
Yeah, that's true, I was speaking out of my personal experience, right now I move between two jobs, and both require social interaction. It's alwayas a lose-lose situation. sure, if your parents completely sustain you economically there's no problem, but it seems pretty hard to find jobs with zero social interaction
Because you have to interact with them ?
That's my point, you don't have to. Even if you don't have the luxury of having understanding parents/family, or you want to live on your own...there are jobs that don't require interacting with NTs. If you don't have a social life, or just a bunch of scattered friends, you don't have to be around NTs.
Yeah, that's true, I was speaking out of my personal experience, right now I move between two jobs, and both require social interaction. It's alwayas a lose-lose situation. sure, if your parents completely sustain you economically there's no problem, but it seems pretty hard to find jobs with zero social interaction
I think it's hard enough to get any job, so looking just for a job where you don't have to talk to too many people can be difficult. I sometimes feel lonely at my job because there are only two people, but then if there were more and much more sociable people I'd probably get sick of them.
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My band photography blog - http://lostthroughthelens.wordpress.com/
My personal blog - http://helptheywantmetosocialise.wordpress.com/
sounds good to me. You are only 26, people are delaying having kids and 26 is alot younger than it used to be in my parent's time when they had 4 kids and a house by that age (but were doing MUCH better than people in the same circumstances do nowadays).
You are right, I think there is just whiplash when one realizes it ain't gonna happen. Of course there are tons and tons of NT's that are going through foreclosure and bankruptcy right now, too. It's bad all over, really.
I guess I'm just stuffed that I no longer
have the power to care what peple think,
lest I spiral into depression.
I only have enough power to live, and
watchout for meself. and some famly
andfrends but for
sicicity, no, i'm sorry i cnt
do anything for cociddeyty
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A Boy And His Cat
When society stops expecting
too much from me, I will
stop disappointing them.
I half agree with the OP.
I agree we shouldn't care what NTs think. Getting angry with them is stupid and pointless, they won't change just because we don't like them, BUT in the same way, we shouldn't change just because they don't like us.
However, I don't think independence ties in with this issue. Not caring about what NTs think or do with their lives dosen't mean you have to say no to being independent.
CockneyRebel
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Joined: 17 Jul 2004
Age: 49
Gender: Male
Posts: 116,753
Location: In my little Olympic World of peace and love
Mmm, the fun subject.
I dream of the day i can be Aspie me and just go along in life without being hassled more than anyone else is, EVERYONE gets the bullies and the morons at one point or another, but the Aspie gets the near constant questioning and at times bullying from those who dont know WHY.
A world where i can wear gloves almost all day and no one, NT or otherwise will bat an eyelid if i dont take them off or I wear them indoors.
A world where Everyone has the godsdamn intelligence and social awareness to know not being looked at doesn't mean the person doing something or thinking hasnt suddenly gone spontaneously deaf,
honestly, THEY think WE'RE clueless on bodylanguage? i know when someone is listening to me even if they're backs to me.
A world where a "lack" of social indicators actually makes someone look for more subtle signs than getting freaky and all scaredyweredy.
You know, a world with other intelligent sentient lifeforms... HA!
The big things really are
1) HFA and NT's REQUIRE social interaction of SOME kind even minimal to remains mentally functional..
those odd guys on the street who talk to themselves and are obviously not all there? its because every f*cker treats them like they're invisible, you want to live totally alone in some remote place, go for it, most people will simply collapse into themselves mentally in that situation.
2) Its not OUR society, neither in the exclusive or the inclusive sense, its NT's.
Here's the real sucky thing, we bash NT's (i do it too), but i realised a day or so ago, guess what..
That Silence we try to maintain both in terms of what we reveal verbally(by never speaking up) and none verbally(by conforming behaviourly) when in NT society, that we learned from the times of our probably bullied/picked on/demanded upon early life, That "personal" silence that protects us and has probably protected Aspies for as long as we've been around, is what's let society develop WITHOUT us.
Society Learned how to assist and deal with wheelchair users, everyone knows not to stare, not to mention and to get the doors etc, it "helped" to be very visible and have very visible advocates and mostly today its "bad" too bully someone in a wheelchair.
We are (as has been said) Not visible, and that's by intent for many of us, are our advocates focusing on society accepting us and our PRESENT needs like wheelchair bound peoples did? No they're focused on a more "home care"/"privately done care" method and research/curing, the middle bit that other visibly "impaired" people get NOW is being overlooked because day in day out we maintain our Protective personal silence.
Those "before" us likely "kept silent", but today due to those with physical disabilities we have in most places the protective laws in place, in schools and in the workplace and most people (not all but most) have learned HOW to learn how to treat those "differently abled", Our silence which IS acceptable, has, it seems protected us -too- well.
"They" dont know about us interpersonally and even if they did they wouldnt know how to deal with us, that level of blindness and ignorance is a recipe for disaster.
Because you have to interact with them ?
That's my point, you don't have to. Even if you don't have the luxury of having understanding parents/family, or you want to live on your own...there are jobs that don't require interacting with NTs. If you don't have a social life, or just a bunch of scattered friends, you don't have to be around NTs.
Well some people might want to interact with NTs. Some people want a social life.
Seriously, we need to find the middle ground. Don't let the silly comments of NTs get you down (especially if they're unlogic, e.g. "You're not swinging your arms the right way"), but if you so desire, try to understand them better and fit in etc.
Fiz
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Joined: 29 Jan 2006
Age: 42
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,821
Location: Manchester, United Kingdom
I really am over the term 'bashing'. I have never bashed (i.e. assaulted) anyone. If I vent about something it's because I am frustrated and want to express how I feel. It's a completely narcissistic venture and doesn't concern them and I question people (not the OP, just in general) who seem concerned with care-taking the feelings of NT about it. I have been complained about/criticized exponentionally more by NT than vice versa.
My other thought is that those characteristics of 'normal life' (family/kids/home/job/whatever) are not the province of NT's nor should they be. People who are disabled in other ways want them, people who are discriminated against (like gay people) want them, I don't think wanting or not wanting them is an aspie vs. NT thing. I think for us they are harder to get. I also think alot of NT who appear to have them really don't, they have a facade, and that many of them have them and would like nothing more to dump every bit of it and run. It's complicated. But I don't see it as something that falls under NT ownership. I think I just have to struggle a bit harder to have them. I will never have them to the degree some will, but my wants are not that extensive. I just want more than I have at the moment.
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