I do not respond well to positive comments

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I was reading Michael John Carley's book the other day and came across something on page 179. I have never really seen the need for compliments and consequently I do not take them well. In the past people have commented on this and I've slowly adapted to saying things like "Why thank you very much" while grinning and holding my palms upward. Or when confronted with a "Thank you", I've learned to say "You're welcome." Having just read the book, I tried over Easter to revert to my old way of acknowledging. I would nod or just say something like "Yep." I got back primarily questioning looks. I guess I've really changed over the years and did not realize. Still, I feel obligated to correctly acknowledge compliments, thanks, etc. although I do not feel anything positive from the compliments. Do you feel the same way? I find that negative comments give me something to work with, that they do not in general leave me feeling down like some others feel despondent. Any thoughts?

I feel negative comments effect me more than positive comments because in my past all I really got were negative comments from the people I looked up to like my father, mother and sister and I would dwell on them. Sometimes positive comments come from people who do not really mean them, at least that is how I would feel. For the people who I feel are genuine about their thank you's and comments I respond back to them very well. But for those who I feel do not mean it, yea, there is that awkwardness when you say your welcome and you do not put much into it.

I'm the same way. A lot of positive criticism generally baffles me, unless, for instance, I specifically want to know if I'm doing something correctly, and then I'm praised for it. But when someone just makes a comment like 'I like your shirt,' I usually don't know how to respond. I mean, I didn't make the shirt or anything, I can't really take any of the credit for it, so it feels weird accepting praise for it. I've been trying to train myself to just smile and say thank you anyway though, tempted as I am to just say 'oh' and leave it at that.

I've really struggled with this. Even though I feel uncomfortable saying it, 95% of the time I now say "thank you" and smile. I don't quite understand, but I try to go with it.

If you don't say "thank you," then people think you didn't hear them, don't care, don't like them or are arrogant. None of which is true, so just easier to say "thank you" so that an NT understands that you're grateful and that you like them.

I like waffles too. And maybe that's where I'm coming from - I intuitively see just as much sense when someone says to me, "I like waffles" as "I like your shirt." I can agree with both. The obligation to reply is what is difficult. I just hadn't seen this in print prior to Carley's book.

I just thought of this now...

Positive comments are like verbal affection like hugs or kisses,
and just realizing that has made me want to respond more to them,
and even let myself say them when I feel positive about someone...

...I am not sure of an example of what I mean, or what I would say,
but something more specific than "thank you" to a person for being
who they are in a positive way maybe something like ...
"I really enjoy your company / I am so glad we're friends" ...
Sorry, I am not sure what I should or would say because I am not
with someone NOW and feeling good about them, and not remembering
other times where I felt positive about someone to figure out what a
good thing to say then would be. That might be easy or hard.

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I think that COMPLIMENTS are WORD-HUGS. And I realized my shyness about
them is like turning away from open hugful arms or a kiss, and a better
response may be to be happy about them. I imagine that they are often given
with love or admiration, and probably feel like rejections if they are ignored.

Am I close to the truth? If so, I hope others can understand it.

I've never known how to react to compliments. Where do people get off complimenting me?

accepting compliments was something that i had had to learn - apparently it's polite to just gracefully accept compliments in some situations. i used to strongly deny any form of praises because in my head, i always thought whether i am good at anything would depend on one is comparing me to. nowadays, i am less aversed to them, but i still can't genuinely believe any kind words from others. i still reckon they are just being nice.

Yeah same here. I feel like I don't really deserve the compliment. Like once someone complimented me saying I was unusually strong for a female (I was messing around doing pullups on some scaffolding) and I just thought, Hey, I'm not invulnerable, for f**k's sake.

I don't like being called smart or intelligent, either. I don't take that as a compliment, for some reason. I feel that I don't live up to it.

Being a performer, you get a lot of compliments from people who may not be as educated about the kind of music as you are. The best way to think about it is that they have a right to like what it is you are doing. So when I get that I usually respond with something like, "I'm really glad you enjoyed it." And I am, really. I really like making other people happy.

I'm not very comfortable with compliments either. My parents frequently had to remind me to say "Thank you" when someone gave me a compliment - or a gift. But after much practice and reminders I finally got the hang of it. Now when someone compliments me, I see the compliment as a reflection of that person's kindness; and I count myself fortunate to know such a person.

I enjoy compliments, but have never responded to them well. These days, I try to counter a compliment with a compliment, but it's still a challenge for me.

Nah- I really need positive feedback from people so that I know what I have done right. I think it's because I am so aware of what I do wrong that I forget all the good things I've done. For instance, if my tutor sees that I have made a mistake in my assignments, all I can think about is the mistake and cannot think of a way to remedy it or I feel paralysed by what I've done wrong to get over myself and get on with the work. However, if he mentions something I've done well and points out my strengths as well as pointing out the mistake, I feel a lot less anxious and self-concious and I can do my work and not feel totally inept.

And I'm something of a people pleaser and a complete perfectionist and I don't know what people think about me just from looking at them, so I frequently ask "am I doing okay?" or "am I doing anything wrong?". This applies to my social skills as well as academic stuff.

In general, I feel very insecure about my abilites so when people tell me "you did very well" or "you're quite good at this" I value it it immensely. Negative feedback makes me anxious and insecure. Balanced feedback is the best way to go in my opinion, but little reminders of my achievements is very helpful to me. However, this doesn't mean that I don't value negative feedback. It's very important to learn from your mistakes (I just absolutely hate making them).

I don't like physical contact to show affection, though (especially when it's not a family member or a close friend).