"Am I smiling for too long?"

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So tonight was "game night" with one of my three or four real friends (outside of my wife). We get together and play board games (until I am overstimulated and I excuse myself). I am pretty good at this kind of social event. I have a well established role (I'm the guy that says outrageous or over the top things, or dishes out lighthearted insults... I've gotten good at those kinds of jokes, and it seems to help me fit in)

But since my diagnosis I've been trying to do a close reading of what kinds of things cause me stress in this environment. And I've noticed I worry a lot about when to smile. When to start, when to stop, how long to hold the smile. I usually get the start of a smile right. I have a good sense of humor, and tell most of the jokes anyway. But I'll keep the idiot grin on my face forever after starting it if I don't consciously remind myself to stop smiling. And if I don't stop I'll notice the muscle tension in my face a few minutes later and wonder "hey, why the hell am I still smiling?" I honestly hope no one notices me when I finally do make myself stop. I'm sure it's very robotic and awkward looking. There's only so much of this I can take a night. Couple that with a friend who has (what seems to me) anyway, a very aggressive voice and manner, and its' a wonder I still enjoy these evenings. Still, somehow, I do.

Last edited by ProfessorAspie on 11 Apr 2010, 12:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

That's cute in an awkward way.

"cute in an awkward way" has been a life goal.

Well, then, you're starting to reach it, or have, I'm sure.

Great. Now if I can just perfect my forlorn puppy dog look, I'll be all set.

Haha, yes! I love the puppy dog look. Many people do.

I do this too. I'll make people laugh unintentionally but enjoy the attention then I'll realise I'm still smiling.

What's wrong with smiling for a long time?

I feel your dilemma deeply. Left to your own devices, you'd probably be emotively catatonic in these situations, but to ease the awkward moments and avoid being called a sociopath, it seems better to be an animated weirdo. I've certainly been there. But it leads to questions like this one - how long to hold a smile, how frequent and intense should eye contact be, how long can you maintain your balance before the cumulative stress of the performance leads you to cross a red line or commit a faux pas.

I guess I don't know you and shouldn't put thoughts into your head. But I do know that the question you raise has no answer, and tends to spawn more questions with no answers.

It's a question you should best be asking yourself, but what if the least necessary performance is the best one? One where you're a quiet but intense listener, ask more questions where you might otherwise concoct statements, be perceived as a strong silent type and over time accepted as thus?

Some time ago I made this transition and deleveraged myself of these questions that follow contrived performances, and the inner peace dividend has been enormous.

When a joke is deemed only moderately funny by the most people or the most dominant or the person with the highest social status, and someone laughs at the joke longer than those people or that person, they are deemed odd, because they did not laugh as long as the rest.
I am not sure if this works the same way with laughing not long enough.

I smile and laugh too long sometimes too

Sometimes a thing is funnier to one person than the rest and it is hard to stop smiling or laughing. I will think of something in the middle of the grocery store and just bust out laughing even though it was over an event that happened weeks ago. It is just that funny to me, and I cant help it.

Professor- I think your friends probably know you well enough that it doesn't seem odd to them if you smile longer or shorter. And if it is with anyone other than friends or family, who cares?

Sometimes I think some of the people on this forum have only seen the word sociopath on a screen and decided to apply their own meaning to it.
It is very unlikely an average NT will ever find out a sociopath (person with anti-social personality disorder).
Or any average person for that matter.

Okay, but what about just smiling

I Smile a lot too, my therapist tells me it is a coping mechanism.

i like to freak people out with my smiles