Moments where you've said the wrong thing.

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I was about 8 or 9 at a baby shower with my mother. Most of the people there were little old blue haired, high profile women.

Friend opens gift which was a mirror you put in the crib to amuse baby

Then I open my mouth

Oh cool, let's just hope the baby isn't born blind

cue the crickets

My mother will forever be telling that story...about 10 years after that the father of the baby (my mom's best friend) killed himself and somehow I've always felt a little guilty...like me saying that has anything at all to do with his suicide.

When I was in first grade my teacher asked me and another girl to read to the class (from a history book or something). She sat us in front of everyone and I was waiting my turn. When the first girl finished the section she was asked to read, the teacher told me to go ahead. I was supposed to continue where she left off. Instead I started from the beginning, re-reading aloud the stuff that had already been read.

I understood it as a forced demonstration of our advanced reading skills rather than anything meant to be informative to the class. I can imagine now how puzzled everyone must have been.

I never assume I have interpreted anyone correctly. When someone asks me a question that could be understood in different ways, I rephrase it or pose it back as a multiple choice question. Do you mean this or this? Then when I know what was intended, I answer the question. Saves me a lot of grief. If I guess, I usually guess wrong.

I still absolutely have to ask "how" when someone tells me a person they knew died.
I've learned to say it in a kind-ish way, though. (*slight frown; quiet, slow voice* "oh... how did they die?"

I think I have one of the worst (though of course, I'm biased because it's me haha). I still cringe when I remember this.
The first time I had to meet my then-boyfriend's friends was so incredibly awkward.
For context: my ex's mom looks much younger than she is, and is still thin and attractive. She's qualified to be a MILF, basically.

So my ex and I are sitting on the couch when his friends come in (three guys and a girl, I've never met any of them before). One of the guys asks where my boyfriend's mom is, as he was hoping to see her (he's saying all this in a joking way, trying to suggest he has the hots for her and all that). My boyfriend says she's upstairs sleeping, and the friend jokes that he should go climb into her bed.
I then blurt out "Why don't you go upstairs and jack off onto her face while she's sleeping?" (I practically yell this, too, I might add.)

Everyone is silent.

I just turn around and sit back down on the couch, facing away from the group.

To make matters worse, instead of just laughing it off, my ex says, "Why did you just say that?!"

Worst first impression ever.

Don't beat yourself up over that. I have a list of things like that I've done in my head, and sometimes all I can think about is how stupid I was for saying them X_X. I guess neurotypicals just don't need as long to think up a witty response.

Oh, I have had so many of these moments over the years!

My mom and I were watching Maury on TV one morning. For those that don't know, Maury is basically this trashy show where women accuse men of fathering their babies and force them to take paternity tests to prove that they're the father. Anyway, on a commercial break I turned to my mom and said, "What if you and dad went on Maury?" I expected her to say something like, "Yeah right!" or "I'm sure!" (sarcasm). Instead her feelings got hurt, because she thought I was implying that she was unfaithful to dad (they've been married for over 30 years).

The first time my Nana met my sister's husband, I introduced him as "the guy who knocked my sister up". (He made her pregnant.) I was expecting Nana to laugh, because she's the kind of cool grandma who likes risque humor and stuff. But instead she was absolutely shocked.

Another time, when my brother and I were little kids, my brother hit his head on something and got a giant lump. My mom told me to look at it, and I responded with "that's gruesome". I was expecting mom to be impressed with my choice of large vocabulary, but instead she got really upset and said "How could you say that about your own brother!?"

Yet another time, my sister complimented me on a T-shirt. I thought she was about to ask if she could borrow it, because she had been known to do that when we lived together. So I told her, "Yeah, it's a nice shirt. Too bad you'll never wear it." I expected my parents to be proud that I made it clear I didn't want her to borrow my stuff. Instead they were angry with me and made me apologize. At the time, I was genuinely confused as to why they were angry, because I didn't think I had done anything wrong.

In... well, I guess it was 2nd grade for both of mine.

Once I had my hand raised to answer a question, and my mind got to wandering while I waited to be called on... When the teacher called my name, I blurted out, "Can I have a soda when I get home!?!" She just looked at me... I was also pretty famous amongst my peers for getting called on and saying, "I forgot what I was going to say".

The second one, a friend of mine-a boy, had gotten hurt playing basketball with the older boys, and I went to "mommying" him, lol. I asked if I could take him into the bathroom and get his hand cleaned up... I forgot we had separate bathrooms... the teachers just looked at me like I was nuts.

Oh, and Rose's last one reminded me of one more... this one isn't my personal story, but it was directed at me and I found it absolutely hilarious.

In about 4th grade, I had a friend who I am now pretty sure had AS, as well. One day, I was spending the night or something... and she showed me a bracelet or something she had gotten that same day, and she asked, "do you like it?" then immediately blurted out, "you can't have it, it's mine." Just very matter of factly-I had no time to respond to the initial question... I swear that became our response to almost anything someone complimented for the next 3 or 4 years. That was probably the funniest thing I've ever heard, just because it was so blunt and clear.... mind you, I didn't have a habit of asking for things from her at all... at least, not that I'm aware of.

Once my friend was texting me and he joked, ''are you on the computer again?'' I felt like joking back, so I put, ''you must be psychick - I am on the computer!'' And he took offense to that. I didn't know saying psychick was offensive (especially as a joke), because I know someone who is a real psychick and she makes a lot of money for it.

But my friend might be the type to take things literaly and/or seriously - you might like to know that even NTs can take things literally.

Unless this friend is a fake psychic and felt you were making fun of him for faking, I don't see any way this could be even vaguely offensive. I don't think your comment was wrong in any way - his response was.

i think maybe i know. maybe . He may not have been joking? maybe he was serious and upset that you would prefer spending time on the computer or something than talking to him? so maybe your response felt like a slap in the face i don't know though, but the way it happened: no way was it offensive. seriously...

People usually think I'm crazy when I try to joke in my own way.
For example, saying 'A hobo stole my bike today'.

It also seems like I said some impolite stuff while thinking it was polite several times.
Once it occurred in class, back to the middle school, when I argued with the teacher. I didn't see it as something wrong, as everyone seemed to to some extent. But when I did, everyone turned at me and said 'Ohhh' and the teacher was speechless. I then talked to her and she was even more upset, asking me if she was dreaming (means she was very upset). I still didn't get what exactly was impolite. It seems like arguing in several situations seems polite while in others it isn't.

Apparently my mother has told me six times now that the reason my stepfather is in his home country is that his mother had a stroke. I can't remember a single time save for two hours ago when she called me and my response to her saying his mother had a stroke was "Is she dead? Dying?" she thought I was attempting to be funny but I honestly just forget it until the moment she starts to say it and then I wonder if she's dead and can't remember the specifics of that. When I was sixteen and I moved in with her/my sister for my first semester of college, she coerced me into taking an IQ test, which she paid for, and then spent months telling me it was biased toward me, culturally, and that was the ONLY reason I scored about 30 points higher than her. I wanted to make her feel better just to get her off of my back, and I said something like "Maybe if you hadn't lost your parental rights so early in my life, I would have had a lower test score." I meant to validate her claims that her circumstances contributed to her score being lower than mine, to indicate that if I had been exposed to those circumstances I would have had a similar disadvantage. I didn't believe that to be true, I just wanted her to give up on proving she was smarter than me. I tried to speak intuitively rather than creating a script in my mind to follow, which I rarely do because it so often comes out as what I am actually thinking.

My friend told me I get really easily angry, I asked what lead her to that assertion, she said it's easy to tell because sometimes I just stop responding in the middle of a conversation... wanting to clear up that I wasn't angry at all I said "It's not anger, it's simply that I see no value in attempting to continue the conversation, so I don't." which was entirely honest but she eventually let me know she felt I had insulted her conversational skills. I honestly thought I had effectively communicated a different message, and didn't even realize she was angry at me for several weeks, and saying "Oh, I didn't notice you weren't talking to me." lead to her feeling hurt and insulted again.

I either have to create a script in my head and keep it fresh on my mind, which leaves me feeling exhausted, or risk saying something that will hurt/confuse/anger someone.

Those are two examples that stand out in my memory.

Thank god I'm not the only one that has been experience this lifelong problem.

Back in middle school for instance, there was this girl who was in my "academic support" class, and she was large, tall and bulky as an old school WWE wrestler. She said she wanted to be a basketball player. In response to her statement, I said "If you want to be a basketball player, you need to lose some weight". My teacher reprimanded me for saying that. I wasn't trying to insult her, I was only trying to provide her a little advice.

Another example, a cousin of mine unexpectedly stop over my house to say hi to me and my family. When I kissed her in the face, I could feel the sweat on her face and then went like "UUUGGGHH", wiping the sweat off my lips in front of her. She was actually sweating after having a 2-mile jog, but I never went to her like "OMG! You're sweating and stinky!" After my cousin left the house, my mom privately told me that what I did in front of her was embarrassing and impolite.

No matter how nice, friendly, and polite I've been trying to be towards other people, I would occasionally be reprimanded by my parents and others for saying or doing things that can offend or piss others off. It's impossible for me to automatically know what and what not to do in social situations before making disastrous mistakes.

Would be easier to list the moments ive said the right thing. None.

That reminds me of something that happened a few months ago, with a friend on Twitter. There was many of us posting messages, and its always kind of cool when someone shows his/her picture so you know what they look like, but the subject we posted messages about, was special and somewhat risky, and I admire all these people for their courage to speak up against injustice ... so anyway at some point a guy posted a picture of him during a protest, and I told him I cried when I saw his picture... sigh

I guess he took that totally the wrong way, I really don't know what he thought, maybe that I was flirting with him, or that my reaction was weird (no I don't cry usually when I see people's pictures lol), whatever it was he got distant after that, while I simply thought he was a great person and was touched by his courage, by the fact that he showed his picture eventho it could put his life in danger (because of the subject we were all posting about).

Anyway I regretted saying that after seeing his reaction.

I have a sign language blunder story to tell.
I am moderately good at sign language but some words I get mixed up like I answered the door and they said hi and I thought I said "cool, you are here"...but instead I signed "sex , you are here" The shock on their faces was priceless