I will never have children

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Hi.

Parenthood isn't for everyone. It is tiring and expensive and you do lose most of your spare time, but is is also incredibly rewarding.

I have three children, two of whom have ASD and speech problems. We have gone through some very difficult times, but as each year passes, things get easier, and they have blossomed in to happy, healthy intelligent children full of confidence and enthusiasm for life.

I know they will face difficulties that other children do not, but NT people have problems too.

I don't know how old you are, but I don't think that a lot of people are ready for children (either financially or emotionally) before they are in their late 20s/early 30s. (The average age for a first time Dad in the UK is 30.1 years by the way)

Also re your co-worker, gnulinuxman is right, being friends is a good way to start.

Children are pleasant, but I understand where you're coming from.

I'm not going to have children, either, for the simple reason that sex is a prerequisite, and I'd prefer to avoid sex. Fancy workarounds like artificial insemination really don't appeal to me, because the child wouldn't have two parents, and that wouldn't be fair.

Deciding not to have kids is a valid choice. I don't see any reason to be ashamed of it.

Still, I do regret not passing my AS on to someone. I like myself the way I am; and being different from other people is offset by the advantages it gives me. Sure, I have problems caused by my AS; but being an Aspie has allowed me to avoid a lot of the problems the NTs seem to be so susceptible to. It's a blessing and a curse, but I think the world needs people like us.

One thing I agree with on the original post, especially: If I did have a child, and that child had AS... I would do almost anything to keep him/her out of the public school system! It's hard enough for NTs, but an Aspie would end up being a minnow in a tankful of pirhanas.

I was married, and my ex left me because she felt I was closed off; Me????

I have a daughter and have had custody of her since the end of my marriage; she was four at the time; she is now 16. Talk about being overwhelmed. I can't tell you the number of times I was at a total loss. The funny thing is I cannot imagine living the past 12 years without her.

My daughter is definately NT. She is smart, National Honors Society, 4.0, she wants to be a Vet and work at a zoo! She has lots of friends and loves to socialize, loves the High School prom scene.

The thing is, she knows me, like others in my family. She pulls me into social circumstances that I would otherwise never participate in, even though I am completely uncomfortable! "Come on Dad" is a phrase that I hear very often.

Every couple weeks I walk into her room, and all I have to do is tell her I am having problems breathing and she knows she needs to clean up her domain. I am not a neat freek, but random chaos gets to me. She knows that and works with me.

I think she has a good life. She seems happy. I do hope, constantly, that she is not too harmed having me as her father; but kids don't select their parents. Parenthood is not for everyone!

You are awesome disneyhound. And what a wonderful daughter you have. I bet you feel very blessed.

Thanks Paula; I do feel blessed! Last May when my daughter was inducted into the Honors Society, they had a candle lighting ceremony. The seniors who were leaving High School were welcoming the new members. As I sat there among the other parents, feeling uncomfortable, I got lost in her expressions as she got to light her candle. I think I felt an emotion, maybe it was gas... She was so comfortable up there with her friends, four of her closest friends also were inducted. She plays flute in the band, I don't know how a daughter of mine can be do that, I certainly could not! I remember speech classes in college, had to take two, nothing much equals that terror!! !

I'd have kids and hope that they develope my Cockney-type Speech Patterns, and than I'd drop them off at my Parents's house, just so they would go crazy listening to the Nasal Voices of my Offspring. It's Payback time! My Parents made me angry, as a Child and now it's my turn to do "The Deed!"

Children are overrated.

Children scare me, the prospect of having children scares me even more.
But I'm 19 years old, so everyone just replies "Oh, I said that when I was your age, you know."
If anyone comes up with that line again..... But that's not the point.
I don't think I'd make a very good parent anyway, I'm only just learning how to make food other than packet noodles. And when my uncle brings his kids around, they're really chaotic, and it makes me mad that he doesn't seem to dicipline them properly, because I know that they'll stand a chance of growing up to be..... Well, rotten. And the last thing I ever want to do with my life is have the same trouble that he does in disiplining a child, and land up unleashing some terror kid onto the world....
Besides, I really want to concentrate on becoming a famous musician anyway.

Having kids is stressfull, and it can be very chaotic, i live with two children and my friend is expecting anouther one any time now and sometimes it is very hard, they move all hte time and make loud noisess and demand stuff and want to talk about random things that make no sense, and want me to have a teddy bear tea party with them.
Sometimes i wonder if i'm really cut out to look after children, even though i worked in childcare for years.
But there also great and they love you unconditionally and if your grumpy or stressed and yell at them, they forgive you. And you get a second chance. Their funny and they learn knew things all the time. And they aren't afraid to act crazy and they like tickling and talking nonsense(something i love to do)
So you see, i wouldn't want to be without them!! !

If I were to have a kid and I passed on AS as it expresses itself in me, I wouldn't be concerned. I'm not really ashamed of myself, and I don't think having AS is something to be ashamed of. I'm sure I could raise a kid that was "like me" much more sucessfully than I could raise an NT child.
However, there's always the chance that I could have a very "low-functioning" or even non-verbal child, and that kind of freaks me out. I have a hard enough time keeping myself in order, and keeping myself employeed. I can't imagine how much harder it would be if I had a child that I would have to care for for the rest of my life.

Just had a thought - I love children but I couldn't eat a whole one...

I can totally understand what you mean.
Personally, I am determined to never force any other person to have to suffer through this f****d up world at all.
Also having bad genes only make my determination stronger.

Tastes like chicken?

Yes; I wouldn't want any of my children to have low-functioning autism either. It's frustrating enough when you can't understand nonverbal communication... imagine hardly being able to communicate at all! I couldn't wish that on anyone.

I thank you for your comments and support. One more point of contention in all of this, If i had sex i would have no idea what im doing. supposedly reproduction is an innate talent, but for aspies, "innate" is not so. would i have pleasure, would she have pleasure, if i go early i would never hear the end of it. TOO MANY THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!! Im going back to my corner