Did your parents ever train your social skills?

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Yup. My mom taught me lots of stuff herself.

After My parents got over the crying and being upset that I wouldn't play with other children, and dound out about my aspergers, yes, they did.

I would be taken aside and told If I said or did something inappropriate. (This still happens and i'm 25)
I would get told when I DO something socially appropriate
I would be encouraged to do stuff with friends as much as possible
I was encouraged (forced) to get a job and my drivers liscence

What pissed me off though was Dad (aspergers, undiagnosed) would have a go at me for not doing things that he would NEVER do himself. Mum said this was because he doesn't want me to be like him, but I know it's because hes ashamed of being different himself and takes it out on me for having the same condition.

They've also forced the eye-contact thing on me. I hate eye-contact to this very day.

I realised that they never told me to make eye contact or use body language.
I was as sweet and girly as cannon gun. They always told: be nice, don't yell, speak softer, don't move so rapidly, say hello - but not look into eyes, use some gesture etc. To be honest, I must say that when I was child, I used over-gesture, like in silent movies. Kids laughed at me because I waved my hands and yelled. So maybe adults thought my body language is ok.

My folks were very insistent about saying "thank you", "you're welcome" and "please". They also insisted that I was my hands after using the toilet facilities and that I did not fart in elevators.

ruveyn

god yes and they sucked. They were wrong about everything. EVERY FREAKING THING. I am glad I was quiet through most of my childhood. They gave me horrible advice.

no.
my father wanted a boy, and my mother had a hysterectomy.
so my father and sisters and mother all took a vote on whether to adopt a baby boy.
my father and 2 of my 3 sisters said "yes", and my mother and one sister said "no".

so i was adopted from the international red cross at 2 weeks old, and after a few months it became apparent to all 3 sisters and my mother that i was not normal, and they quickly lost interest in me.
my father felt sorry for me and became very preferential to me and defended me to my sisters and mother who called me a "dud".

it was evident to them that i was not in their world and i did not notice other people in any way other than that they were objects.

i showed no love or affection, and i wanted to be left alone. i used to like to study the carpet and look at flies etc, and it seemed to them that i was more interested in flies than i was in them (which was correct).

my mother and sisters just abandoned me in a social sense and called me "dad's pet dog", and my father was very upset at their attitude and he used to take me to work with him when i was very young (from about the age of 2).

he did not hold any hope for me to be able to conjoin with other peoples mentalities, but he knew that i had a sense of self preservation and i was kind of smart in a way. i think he identified with that because he always fended for himself and he saw that i would probably grow up and not die because i had a sense of "self" that was very strong.

my mother arranged a 5th birthday party for me, and it was a dismal failure because i was annoyed that other people with their kids came and i did not want to communicate with them, and i kept asking "when are they going home?"

the other kids played games like "pin the tail on the donkey" and i did not like that game because they tried to blindfold me and i would not let it happen and i became angry and offended the other people at my "party".

i did not care whether i could pin a false tail on a silly drawing of a donkey because it was totally unrelated to anything i was interested in, and i thought everyone was stupid and i wanted them to go home so i could get back to what i wanted to do.

my mother did not like how the day went, and i remember her saying to my father that i was his problem "from now on".

so from that point my mother let my father take full responsibility for me, and he did not try to mold me into any social casting because he believed i was smart in my own way, and he let me do what i wanted because i was able to report to him many things that i was interested in, and he thought i could survive well as i was. he took much pleasure in hearing me animatedly telling him about what i had found out from my thinking about things. i love my father very much.

they all realized that i was a dead weight as far as social intercourse was concerned, and the females gave up, and my father nurtured me by buying the things i wanted that would please my interests.

so i was not tutored in socializing.

thanks for sharing that................your father is trying to do what he feels best for you, as a 50 yr old asperger male with a moderately autistic 8 yr old, i feel him.

your father ia a very special man..you are lucky

dont give up on your mom and sisters

Same here, exactly. I was a 'trained actress' who didn't fit myself. Took a long time to sort 'me' out.

Mom was an intensive social coach my entire childhood and would still be doing it if I didn't finally declare my independence in my twenties. First husband took over where she left off till I declared independence from him, too.

Dad is autistic and no help socially but was really good at teaching me the 'seen and not heard' skill.

Not much I think.
The problem with my mom is she's too emotional. These days, whenever she gets off and starts crying and yelling at me for what I consider to be no understandable reason at all, I try to reason with her and ask: "Okay, explain to me exactly what I did wrong, so I can improve." but then she's too riled up and irrational with emotion to do anything productive.

thanks for sharing your experience, B9. That is really funny about wanting the other people to go home, I laughed so hard at that. I know it must have been painful but I know what you mean about that sense of self that children on the spectrum have, there is a sense of inner direction...I see it in my nephew, as well. Your dad sounds like an amazing person, I am so glad he was in your life!

yes he is a special man.

my mother died. she liked me in the end because i earned more than my 3 sisters ever did (pride i guess) despite the fact that i was very backward. i also was the only child who consistently lived near them (my mother & father) and i used to maintain the grounds of their house and do things for them. all my sisters moved away and had their own families and did not really care to help my mother and father. my mother said i was the least selfish of all the children despite being the one who was most self absorbed. my mother was not mean to me ever. she did not take the dominant role in nurturing me though.

my sisters are much older than me, and i am not interested in them anyway.

my youngest sister is 11 years older than me, and she is a socialite who is a platinum blonde and carries a poodle. my starkness of personality and blandness of style is distasteful to her.

my middle sister is a money hungry woman who has taken most of my fathers money and assets to adorn her life with gold plated trinkets. eg: she has a 30 seat cinema in her house where she watches TV. she has gold plated taps (faucets) in her house and marble flooring on her staircase and statues that spit water out in her large grounds.
when my mother died, my father went very simple and like he was demented and she got him drunk regularly and he signed most of his assets away to her. she is an unsavory person in my opinion.

my oldest sister has severe epilepsy, and she is most often very vague and disinterested in anything except tv.

the only time i ever see them is on my fathers birthday, and i do not ask how they are and they do not ask how i am. i do not know where they live or their phone numbers, and vice verse.

my sisters were all living with their boyfriends by the time i was 4 years old anyway so i do not really know them.

i did not find it funny. i found it frustrating and i was very impatient when i was prevented from doing my stuff alone.


i do not know if i had a sense of inner direction. i just know that i found them to be senselessly interested in rubbish and i refused to waste my time being involved.
thanks for saying that. i am very attached to my father. even though we never really spoke on an even level, i always feel that he is unconditionally concerned with my welfare and happiness, and he is the only person on earth who does, and i feel i will be distraught when he dies. that is my only worry in the world. the worry of how grey the world will be without him in it.