We are not allowed to have self respect

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Other people expect you to not have any self respect.

When you are offended by someone and stick up for yourself, they think you are being disrespectful to them.

WTF?

Last edited by KevinLA on 03 May 2010, 8:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

(were you referring to me?)

In any case, I would add not being understood/not being able to express what I'm thinking. This is one of the most difficult thing at work. Communicating verbally is not my strong suit.

the most frustrating thing is always screwing up relationships whether with a romantic partner or a friend and not being able to stop

I guess that people get scared, when we stick up for ourselves, and they try to argue with us.

could be. It just could be...

What do you mean scared? I don't understand.

Right now I just feel like people are jerks, and they know that we are weak, and they like to take it out on us. We are easy to attack and blame.

I think because autism is misunderstood people expect us to not be able to defend ourselves. "Talking back" or countering an argument is relegated to signs of a meltdown because we couldn't possibly be intelligent enough (in their minds) to argue with them. God forbid we are right too. If they see us as mentally challenged...ya know?

IT's our right to stickup for our self if a friend no like that then they not a true friend


Fight of our right to speak
vote 1

just explain how there wrong, thell understand

Don't forget the flipside to it... while a lot of people would target those who are weak, they would be just as fast to ridicule someone who proved they were not... and as many people don't think of autistic people as thinking about things in the same way as they do... information IS getting out there about blunt statements, too...

So we stick up for ourselves, and they think "well, that wasn't polite, I have to tell them... have to TEACH them" as in, it must be one of those "blunt statement" things. They forget that they can offend us, just as they can anyone else.... and don't always equate standing up for yourself as doing just that. They look at it as just another socially inept type thing, and like to dismiss it as such, because if they think of it as offending someone who has autism, then "oooh, the shame!" when it is pointed out.

I don't understand it out there, or on here... people go off on each other all the time, autistic or not, and stand up for themselves autistic or not. There are going to be disagreements, misunderstandings, jerks, etc. on both sides of it all.

People also INTENTIONALLY say things in a jerk-like manner, or to be disrespectful, or know it is and still say it anyway... not all of those times are truly sticking up for yourself unless you really just want people to think you are a jerk, lol. There has to be a clear defined boundary.

In your situation, it's absolutely impossible to say what happened, as nothing was offered. I cannot just jump on the bandwagon and say "oh, yes-those nasty people!"

My first paragraphs were simply on-topic ramblings, but they only exist as facts in certain situations... cannot account for all.

If someone says to me "well, you are being rude" because I'm not listening, and I blurt out "well you are just a jerk!"... there isn't an excuse for that. It's an attack rather than trying to reconcile anything... it IS disrespectful. It doesn't work to stand up for yourself by ridiculing someone else... it just isn't an excuse.

If someone said "well, you are being rude" because I really AM coming across as rude, I would likely say "can you explain what you mean?" because I don't see where my actions ARE rude, and I may explain to them that there was nothing intentional about it.

There are soooo many situations that come into play, that it is just impossible to say "yeah, that's right" in response... so I hope I am not offending, as I am not saying you did any of those things... I'm just giving examples, because I think far too often, people forget that sometimes they really just do need to look at their own actions and excuse it to what others are doing.

I must be missing something and probably should not have commented LOL

BINGO!

This is what I call testing by NT's. I have seen it in many job interviews and on the job. They want you to be weak and
just take insults. Then they know they can rip you off on other things like shorting pay, or stealing ideas, and you will not complain.
But then when you stand up for yourself, then they know they cant rip you off and then try and blame everything on you or say something is wrong with you.

That is what I think NT's spend their life doing, testing people and getting a collection of weak willed sycophants to surround themselves with.

Are 'they' all the same?

This relates back to the whole ability to be self aware that I was talking about in another post.

I'm a rather accepting person and generally believe IQ is overrated In my eyes, a low IQ does not make someone less of a person, and a high IQ does not make you more of one.

Once in a great while I find myself in the very difficult situation, of simultaneously harboring such views, but feeling the need to inform someone "You do know, chances are I'm actually smarter than you, right?"

this does happen, they do try your limits, see what they can get away with. I have never been able to respond adequately. The worst 'testers' in my experience tend to be on the PD spectrum, borderlines, narcissists, anti-socials, etc, and alot of NT people may 'go along to get along' because they know what these folks are capable of. One thing that sucks in my life is I have been many times the only one who was willing to buck the social convention and stand up the ringleader, whom every one was kvetching about behind the scenes, only to find myself with NO support in the heat of confrontation, and the NT people who agreed with me kind of looking down and not saying anything. It sucks.