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MONKEY
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14 May 2010, 8:11 am

Most of them are on the spectrum somewhere so yeah they mostly do. The NT friends don't understand me as much but they still like me.


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jagatai
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14 May 2010, 8:51 am

My friends seem to get, or at least accept, me more than I sometimes give them credit. Yes there are plenty of times when I have been advised to do things that were utterly alien to me. My closest friend still persists in trying to get me to join his church choir despite the fact that I can't sing. I don't like singing. I hate being in front of people. I am an atheist. With a few exceptions, most of the songs the choir sings are annoying to me.

But even if people don't understand me, mostly they still accept my right to be the person I am. Maybe it's because I keep my distance from people who annoy me. Maybe it's because I work in the film industry where there are already plenty of odd people anyway.

On the subject of parents, one thing to consider is they dealt with you when you were incapable of doing anything for yourself. Some parents have a hard time believing their children will ever be self-sufficient. I'm 45 and the other day my mother made some rather condescending remarks about my finally beginning to think like an adult. Sometimes I think that I have been behaving like an adult for far longer than she has so this kind of annoyed me. But I also understand it is hard to see one's children as fully independent people.

Lars


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PunkyKat
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14 May 2010, 2:49 pm

I never had a good expirence with so called friends my own age. They would eventuly be too weirded out and make fun of me behinf my back and then join a clique where "weirdos" were forbidden and make fun of me to my face. The only true friend my age stoped being my friend because she said some very mean things over the phone about my mum to me. Maybe she thought she was agreeing with me but I still was offended and I dropped all contact with her. Her family was really into drugs and things and I did not want to get involved in that kind of thing just so she continues to "get" me.

Anyway, now, if my "friends" did not get me they would not be my friends in the first place.

I never really been able to keep friends for more than a year but this girl and I have been friends for at least four. I'm going to make her read "All Cats Have AS" someday or at least some other media form that explains AS in layman's.


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eb31
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14 May 2010, 10:47 pm

My friends don't get me and I certainly don't get them! My friendships are based on common interests/situations.

The person who came closest to actually understanding me is my bpd/bipolar/adhd exhusband ;)



Emo_Warlock
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16 May 2010, 1:58 am

TheDoctor82 wrote:
a lot of times, my friends and other folks caution me not to do certain things--or request I do certain things--that they respectively either( at this point you'd think) would know I wouldn't do anyway, or would be most likely to.

It's almost after so many years of knowing them, they don't even realize who I am, and the things I am and am not likely to do.

Personally, I find it kind of insulting for whatever reason.

But maybe I'm not alone in this...anyone else go thru this?


Well let's just say that we are completely different as I don't have any friends nor do I wish to. Way of life after lots of pain....



ripcity
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16 May 2010, 3:12 am

There my friends because they do get me.
What I don't know is if they understand that they do get me. If they do get me is something they decided to make an effort to get me, or dose it come naturly to them.



katzefrau
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16 May 2010, 5:43 am

Mdyar wrote:
TheDoctor82 wrote:
It's almost after so many years of knowing them, they don't even realize who I am, and the things I am and am not likely to do.

I say there, does theory of mind only affect aspies ????????????


thank you. i have been wanting to say that myself for some time, but i was waiting for a good opportunity .. :thumright:

my mother doesn't get me. i hate TV, hate the sound & the flicker of a television, can't live with one, can't stand hearing one in a neighbor's apartment, etc. everyone who knows me knows this. when i visit my mother she inevitably has the TV on for background noise constantly, and will hand me the remote control and say, "honey, do you want to watch something?"

apparently i don't exist loud enough for anyone to hear.


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CockneyRebel
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16 May 2010, 6:19 am

Friends who don't get me, aren't really my friends.


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poopylungstuffing
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16 May 2010, 6:39 am

In turn, I find it difficult to be reciprocal/friendly with people I don't "get"...and I am def. not prone to faking it...so...not getting a lot of people tends to make me seem quite the avoidant one...I do have a few acquaintances who don't mind my aloofness...and they have been my comfortable acquaintances for a long time...though i am reluctant to use the word "friend"...because i don't use the word lightly..I really offended someone over a misunderstanding regarding the use of the word...by accidentally somehow implying that I never was their friend...ergo...this meant I was actually their enemy...when the person fell into a sort of different category in my head than "friend"...based on my rigid criteria of what a friend is...



Schizotypes
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17 May 2010, 12:14 am

One of the things that really gets me and this really seems to be quite common after reading these posts are the people we call our friends. Some people place a lot of value on friendships and a true friendship should have a lot of value placed on it. Then you got your things like Facebook friends. I mean how many of the people in your friends list are really your friend? Do you even know 75% of them? I don't. My true friends are the people who do get me and understand me and appreciate me. they are the people who will take the time out of their day to call me and check up on me just to see how i am doing or to say Hey I was thinking of you and offer a word of encouragement. What value do you place on friends? I'm inclined to say that the people who are my friends are the people of whom I deem important and want to talk to because they do get me.
The people who don't necessarily get me are merely acquaintences. They are friendly, but distant. They don't want to maintain a friendship by being an active part in my life. IMHO, Friends do things together. There are people i want to to be my friend and i want them to get me, so inorder for that to happen, I will take the time to explain my situation to the best of my ability and aske them to look at me beyond my limitations. The ones that hang in there are the ones that matter to me. I don't go around calling just anyone my friend for the fun of it. I do it and with meaning and feeling.


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TXaspie
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20 May 2010, 8:42 am

Schizotypes wrote:
One of the things that really gets me and this really seems to be quite common after reading these posts are the people we call our friends. Some people place a lot of value on friendships and a true friendship should have a lot of value placed on it. Then you got your things like Facebook friends. I mean how many of the people in your friends list are really your friend? Do you even know 75% of them? I don't. My true friends are the people who do get me and understand me and appreciate me. they are the people who will take the time out of their day to call me and check up on me just to see how i am doing or to say Hey I was thinking of you and offer a word of encouragement. What value do you place on friends? I'm inclined to say that the people who are my friends are the people of whom I deem important and want to talk to because they do get me.
The people who don't necessarily get me are merely acquaintences. They are friendly, but distant. They don't want to maintain a friendship by being an active part in my life. IMHO, Friends do things together. There are people i want to to be my friend and i want them to get me, so inorder for that to happen, I will take the time to explain my situation to the best of my ability and aske them to look at me beyond my limitations. The ones that hang in there are the ones that matter to me. I don't go around calling just anyone my friend for the fun of it. I do it and with meaning and feeling.


Word man, good post.

"Friend" is a strong word...


I had a situation where I basically told someone they weren't my friend, they were an aquintance. And they were really offended and haven't called me back. But see the thing is I didn't feel like they were my friend because while they do invite me out, they don't make me feel comfortable. They are too insecure and I can't be comfortable around them because anything I say will get critisized. They are aspie-like so I understand them, but I refuse to call them friends because they lack understanding of me.

Haha, I don't really need friends though. All you need is to eat healthy, love yourself and feel happy doing the things you love. You can do all of that without friends.



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20 May 2010, 9:30 am

People have differing beliefs in what a friends should be. You have a person who is an acquaintence, a person who is a social acquaintence and there are people you can be friendly to, but being friendly to somebody doesn't mean you are their friend. Friendly is a courtesy. Friend is somebody who miht step in and help keep you from doing something dumb. Friend is somebody who is going to be a part of your life and wants to take part in your life, acqaintence is somebody who is at arm's length. I think people put too many differing values on who is a friend and who is an acquaintence.


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zeldapsychology
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20 May 2010, 9:49 am

I told a good friend about AS and my sister told her friend about my AS (kind of is my friend too) So my 2 friends of sorts know of my Aspieness/weirdness etc. For example My friend has ugly glasses on I told her to her face those are ugly! I then snatched them off her face and stashed them in my purse she didn't mind she smiled/laughed it off. :-) SHE'S COOL!! !! !! :-) I'm glad these 2 friends know of my AS and issues YA! I hope to meet MORE friends who are hopefully as understanding as these 2. :-)