Emotional Age Delay

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This topic has actually upset me quite a bit in that it made a lot of my behaviour suddenly make sense.

I've never wanted to get married - I got married now because I thought that my previous long-term relationship failed on account of me appearing afraid of commitment. I refuse to have kids. I refuse to buy anything serious like a car or a home. I have a good income, yet I'm terrified of budgets or serious financial planning. I grind to a complete halt when I have to think about planning for retirement. And hey wow, the women I find attractive? Older, with a noticeable maternal streak. I've always been very responsible and "matured", but I became this way at a very early age because I had to take care of things in a broken home - I never moved on from that. My favorite past times? Fantasy : art, games, movies. Basically, I'm a kid who found out how to write code and make a living from that. It kind of explains why I am constantly plagued by fears of not being able to take care of myself, even though I've always done fine.

I used to think stuff would just come together and make sense when I grew up....I honestly thought whatever was up with my mind was something that would just go away. Well now stuff is just as confusing if not more confusing. I find I tend to get along with people close to my age or somewhat younger usually, or sometimes people older than me. There are people my age with a professional career, marriage and kids so yeah I tend to feel younger around people like that who are my age even if I am the same age as them.

Yes. I'm autistic and I do experience an emotional age delay in the following ways. Here is how my emotional age delay shows.

-When I feel angry, I scream, swear, growl, tremble, throw air punches/kicks, pound on tables/counters with fists, throw things and break things. (me when my anger is at the most intense level)

-When someone raises their voice, swears at me, or yells at me, I get anxious, tremble, can't speak, cry, and hide my face from everyone. I'm just so sensitive.

- When I feel scared, I have anxiety attacks (ex: I shake, tremble, sweat, feel an urgent need to urinate, move my legs around, rub my face, fidget with my hair and scratch my arms or legs for comfort.)

-When I feel shy or embarrassed, I avoid eye contact, blush, turn my toes in, hide my face with my clothes/objects, cover my mouth with my hands/clothes/objects, speak in a quiet voice or not speak at all, try to walk away and either put my hands in front of my crotch (fig leaf position) or behind my back.

Even my younger sister notices and accuses me of acting like a 2 year old or a 5 year old which really makes me feel worse about it which sucks. I'm not sure if she's right or not.