New and need advice

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I have a son son to be 18, I feel that I havent prepared him nor myself for the big world. I need some advice. I worked and fought so hard to get him the help from day one and all through school. He is to graduate this year. He wants to go to a large college and I am afraid it will be too overwhelming. He does not want to go to a community college says it is not a real college. He wants to be able to do all that his younger brother can do and the other NT's.

I just dont know what to do. I need to talk to him I know. I worry about him. I hate to see him crushed, again.

uworrn

Why do you think he'd be overwhelmed at a real college?

so many people. The smallest college he is looking at is 10, 500. students. He gets lost easliy. His sense of direction is poor. It took him 2 years to remember his phone number and our address. He finally just truly learned the cross roads so if he would get lost he would be able to find his way home.

I dont know your son and his particular strengths and difficulties,so I cant really offer any specific advice.I can tell you,I had no AS DX when I went to college(24 year ago)...My parents did not want me to go...I did not know that it was because they thought I would struggle and were afraid for me...I thought they just thought I was stupid.My three older brothers had all gone and I saw no reason that I wouldnt.There is nothing they could have said that would have convinced me otherwise(I was one head strong girl)It was a struggle and I would have had more acadimic success had I had a family support system(mine was not that kind of family,though they helped me with rent a few times.)It was really a struggle at times(especially when I became an alcoholic to socialize with peers)I did have to take some time off once....to have a nervious breakdown of sorts....but...I did it!I actually enjoyed learning,took classes that were in my interests,so studying was never a problem and there were some nice people there(as apposed to high school...where everybody seemed like a moron or a clone)I enjoyed the free lectures and alternative movies and bands that visited...over all it was a positive experience...Would have been more so with less economic pressures....(living on 2300$ a year and what little I could earn at part time jobs,which were difficult to find,given my "issues")school itself I really enjoyed.

Gosh,I sorry I'm rambling....I just hope you will give him a chance and encouragement and maybe can design a "safety net"so that when he has difficulties he isnt afraid to share them with you(I ussually lied to my parents and said everything was great....even though I had no friends,because I didnt want them to see me as a failure)Maybe good,if there is a back up plan as well....try it,if your feeling overwhelmed....he can transfer to a community college...Having a supportive person at the school that he can ask questions(not mom and dad)might also help.

Okay how about I take both your sides. I think if your son is wanting to go to a large school that is commendable and you should let him only because so many Aspies would not even be bold enough to want that. However I understand your concerns especially since you know what your son's previous limitations have been. I would say keep the lines of communication open. I would however if possible prevent him from living on campus and joining a fraternity. Aspies seem to glow like neon signs and attract the worse kinds of people. University campuses are fraught with violence. Not only can guys be beat up but yes they can and do get raped by both men and women.

community college is for us poor kids, i know this because my brother goes to one. he's disabled aswell with ADHD, and oppositional defiant disorder, hes a real pain in the ass but an alright kid. he gets alot of help in college, because of his disability, so i'd imagine you're son could get alot of support in whatever is best for him.

I believe community college is just fine and it's a real college! One of the benefits is that they provide/offer a general ed curriculum and make it easier to transfer to university. That's what I did. My "NT" peers suffered because they skipped less desirable classes in their first years and got caught short-handed as seniors. It can be a real pain to have to go back and do required freshman classes when you are almost done with your degree.
You can ease into college and the teachers are very helpful.

Maybe you could encourage him to look into smaller four year colleges. Community colleges definitely aren't the only small colleges. I attend a prestigious four year college with a student body of only 2,300. Check out liberal arts colleges if you want good four year schools that are also small.

Also remember that there are support services for students with disabilities at almost all colleges, whether they are two year or four year or big or small. If your son has proper documentation of disability, he may be eligible for extended time on exams, notetakers, reduced course loads, textbooks on tape/CD, etc. Those accommodations might help him succeed at a large four year college despite his disability.

The worst and most painful thing you can say to a person with AS is "you shouldnt do that because I think you cant handle it".

If he wants to go then by all means let him go.. he knows himself better than you do and he certainly knows it is going to be the most difficult and stressful situation hes ever been in but he still wants to.. respect his decision it wasnt made lightly.

Hes probably going to have points where he'll want to give up or will get overwhelmed and break down a little just be there if he needs you, be supportive and hey if he needs advice point him here we'll be glad to help