when did you first realize you were different?

Post Reply New Topic

In kindergarten, as I already said, that's when I started to feel different. Also my teacher had a tattle tale for me who told her everything I did. She would go "Ok Aaron, what did he say this time?", "he said....". That's a petty way to discipline someone. She also wore turtle necks in the middle of spring which also bothered me along with her attitude.

preschool showed me I had a difficult time relating to the herd, but the kids began to get cruel around 6th grade, and my life was a big mess for the next 10-15 years.
and i dont regret a single minute of it!! !
positivity pays off

Same here man. I was told the exact same thing. I would ask my grandma, dad, mom, brothers why people picked on me and they told me "they're just jealous". People also still tell me that "Everyone gets picked on", yeah they do, but not like me. and I also get told "They're just missing out" ...uh no I'm missing out because I'm the one who wants to be their friend or wants their respect and I'm not getting it and I'm frustrated and their moving on with their life.

You're the first person I've ever come in contact with IRL or online that has said these things man, and they describe what people tell me as well. That's why I say F socializing and stick to my obsessions, because it's not worth the pain. and for those people who tell you socializing is important aspie or NT, all that means is that it is for them, it doesn't have to be for you. We have a life and we all get to chose what's important to us or not. we must first ask ourselves why is it so important.

but I'm with you on that man, what people have told you was absolute dog crap bs.

There was no grand moment of "realization." I have always known. As far back as I can remember. And I remember my first crib. I have never, ever felt I belonged.

There are people who have also told me that I get picked on way more than most people do, but people started telling me that as I got older. but I knew all along. I'm sorry I'm staying on this subject but what TheDoctor82 said really struck me. I remember I managed to get a friedn freshman year of high school and I told him everyone picked on me and he said why. I had no idea why, so I said "They are jealous"...and he said "jealous of what?". and I said "idk, because I'm smart". But the thing was was that the people who bullied me had no idea that I was smart because they didnt have a class with me, and the people who had class with me didn't bully me because they respected me because they knew I was smart. Therefore I knew that couldn't be the answer. I have the tendency to talk about people, I get it from my dad and mom. I joke a lot about people ( not to their faces), but what I say is usually true. and my friend said "maybe its becuz you talk about people all the time", but the people who bullied me talked about me to my face and the stuff they said really hurt, and I wish they wouldve said it behind my back instead of in front of me. On day my friend finally said "I think people F with you because you're different. You're kinda to yourself. I was brought up to treat everyone the same, but some people ain't brought up that way".

So I finally said to myself at 16. I get picked on because I'm different and all the other stuff I was being told was bologna.

This may sound a bit odd, but I actually have no idea when I realized I was "different." It may have been when I found out about AS last year (at age 31). I knew I was different in some respects but just figured that everyone was different in their own way. I was definitely teased / picked on / bullied up through high school, but I just assumed it was more a part of growing up than anything else. I knew I didn't fit in, but I didn't chalk that up to being different. I didn't really care enough about fitting in to analyze it.

It's kind of amazing I didn't realize this about myself earlier. When you have a kid, you learn a lot about your own childhood as your parents recall your childhood stories. I didn't play like my brother. I spent hours in my room singing into a tape recorder or drawing detailed maps of imaginary countries. I didn't really make friends but I wasn't bothered by it. I sang all day, in class, all night, in my sleep. I didn't solve problems like my peers. Apparently, I quite obviously "stuck out" to both my parents and teachers. But to me, I was just, well... me, and I've been okay with that for as long as I can remember.

I don't remember not being aware that I was different.

I do know that my family moved during my first year of school and a few weeks later my mom asked me whether I liked kindergarten and I told her that the teacher had the class do activities which the other kids seemed to like but which seemed really dumb and pointless to me.

I can't remember a time when I didn't realise, so at least since I was almost 4. I could observe the behaviour of others and compare it to my own, so it was fairly obvious to me that I was different. I just thought that there were two types of humans- those who were built for and enjoyed interacting with other humans, and those who were built for/enjoyed being by themselves with their thoughts, and that I was one of the latter type.

I got told that "everyone gets picked on? but when I went to my parents to ask why I was bullied so much, I got told, "it's your own fault. You bring it on yourself. If you wouldn't insist on being so d*mned different all the time, people wouldn't treat you like that." My parents indicated that I deserved everything that was laid on me, up until the kids started throwing rocks and then she just got quiet and angry (I thought she was angry at me at first) and then reported it to the school. A teacher had witnessed the whole thing, but the girls who did it to me didn't get in trouble, even though I had partial hearing loss from one of them boxing me in the ear with her hand, because it was a private school and their parents donated more money than mine did.

I'm still in the process of learning what damage it did to my psyche to be told all those years that it was my own fault that I was being insulted, excluded, beaten, threatened, ambushed, and attacked by my age-peers and many of my teachers. I'm determined that I'm not going to let that ruin the rest of my life, but at the same time I'm still only beginning to understand what I'm up against and not sure if I can assimilate it all and reclaim what should have been mine all along (e.g. confidence, self-worth, etc.) in time to make a real go of things. I'm getting close to retirement age and I've never had a real job yet. Time is running out for me.

Even though no one actually claimed to me that they thought it was my fault, everything else they suggested to me along the way implied they actually backed those who attacked me.

Why, exactly? Well, I was different, and apparently being different isn't good; they all want you to conform.

I never have, and never will.

Besides, even when I made small attempts at it before totally wising up, it mattered naught; no matter how much you try to be like them, you're not; and they know it.

Soledad, no, you're not missing out on anything; your brain isn't wired to because you're missing out on things that wouldn't register to you anyway; I've experienced it before and I can assure you it's nothing close to what it's cracked up to be.

If you haven't read various forum posts, socializing and befriending people is mostly little more than lies and deception, and you can barely trust any of the people who you bring into your life. What kind of a life is that? Not a very good one.

We've always been meant to be on our own and understand things that they've never bee able to. As long as we avoid drinking the Kool-Aid and embrace our inner Autism--and use it to our advantage rather than victimizing ourselves for being who we are--we're in the best shape we can possibly be, and dare I say better than the rest too!

[quote="TheDoctor82"

Why, exactly? Well, I was different, and apparently being different isn't good; they all want you to conform.

[/quote]

agreed! I get the feeling I was never liked because they could tell that social cohesiveness and assimilation was at the bottom of my priorities, which made them uncomfortable because peer approval was the name of their game. Life is so cool! why pay attention to such menial things?different motivation and orientation.

I was three years old and sitting on the floor in a preschool classroom in Chicago. The room was dark. The carpet was speckled. We were having circle/meditation time.

I was always different as a kid. My mom says that even as a small kid I didn't connect with the other kids, acted like they weren't even there.

I didn't realize how different I was until about grade 6 or so, when kids started caring more about social things and I just didn't follow.

I hit another realization when I was in college for theatre and everyone seemed like they fit in the world and I felt like I didn't have the instruction book. I got a little bit obsessed with the child abuse in my past and figured that's what was wrong with me - but I needed to take that step to get over it. Problem was, once I was over it, I was still different.

I had my brother and saw other autistic people, and I always felt like I could understand them better then regular people.
I always knew.

I didn't go to school so I didn't really realize something was majorly different until college. Up until then everybody I made friends with or knew at some point teld me I was "weird" but when I complained about this to my parents they said it was a compliment, and "why would i want to be normal?" I felt clueless and awkward and I didn't know why the other kids always said I was weird, but I didn't realize why at the time. Also I was very shy and had a speech defect so some of it was attributable to that.

I suspect my father dealt with many Asperger's traits growing up himself and working very hard to "overcome" it, because he often seemed to know what I was talking about when I complained about problems with other people, and would give me tips like focusing on their forehead above/between their eyes instead of their eyes when concentrating (they wouldn't be able to tell at a distance, he said). However any "deficiency" including actual health problems I had was in his mind something to be beaten with strength of will, so I don't think he even admits "belief"in Asperger's.

In college people did not make fun of me any more since we were "adults" I guess, but I did begin to realize that there was some kind of code going on in people's interactions that I wasn't privy to. The first thing was I finally realized why various teachers kept stopping to ask me if I was paying attention and listening to them (I always sat in the front row because otherwise I couldn't see, for 2 years prior to getting glasses, and my listening look was best described as "completely zoned out" in my mother's description). I finally realized that if I did these little nods and gestures and things with my body as they talked that they would decide I was listening (which took a lot of concentration away from actually listening). It was a great improvement in people's responses to me compared to before, and got me very interested in studying non-verbal communications, which was a fascinating and foreign world to me. I have now been practicing these consciously for half my life so I am pretty good at doing them in conversation without having to think about it much, though I often slack off if I'm around my family or people I'm comfortable with and relax into the zoned out look).

It wasn't until years later, after by chance meeting and for a while befriending someone who happened to have Asperger's online (the first person who ever seemed to be able to understand the issues I had and give me clear directives on what people expected that I wasn't doing), much mulling over and reflecting on the issues I've faced all my life (much clearer in hindsight), and one bombed friendship/relationship after another mostly destroyed by my lack of "normal" social behavior, talking to a few other people about how they interact socially, and finally reading up on Asperger's myself including this site, that I finally came to the realization that I very likely had it. That was about 4 years ago.

When did you first realize you were different.

Gradually but little things didn't add up at the time. Like when I was 5 or 6 and was fighting with a friend, a neighbour pulled us apart and told my friend that he shouldn't hit me. Like not being able to swim, like not being able to ride a bike until I was 12/13, like why my teacher thought my father was German because I knew so much about Germany, like hiding from girls when they wanted to be my girlfriend, like owning up to throwing a brick at a bus window (it wasn't me but the other 4 suspects had said it wasn't them so logicaly it must have been me so I owned up) like being the most intelligent at mathematics in my year at school but being placed in the "B" class, like knowing more geography than my geography teacher, like being best in class at something but always last to be picked for the team, like being the most disruptive person in class but teachers thought I was a saint because I was so quiet, like being the most liked person in class but having no real friends. Once I left school I accepted that I was different and just got on with life.