Worrying and Relationships

Post Reply New Topic

I am someone with asperger's that constantly worries if I am offending people, or if they're mad at me for some reason. I worry about little things like no response to an email, if that means someone is too busy or maybe sick of me. My worrying can easily make me depressed, or more depressed. I would appreciate if other people would tell me if they experience things like this, if it's normal for someone with asperger's or not. thanks.

Well that's me in a nutshell. LOL! So yes I relate. I worry about if I upset someone or not to the point of dwelling on it and thinking of last nights conversation the following day. I hate mentioning my view and someone doesn't agree. Instead of a nice comment they are all negative like I don't agree with that AT ALL! Then I get upset and cry since I feel hurt. I know where you are coming from.

Nice to know I'm not the only one!! !

Yeah, I'm like this too. I used to be really bad especially growing up but I finally had to kick myself in the ass and smarten up because I would obsess about it and drive myself crazy. (Like everything else I do) You just gotta realize that it's not necessarily that you've done something wrong or they're mad at you. People are busy or maybe someone they've forgotten to reply. Wait abit, like a few days and then casually follow up. I'm sure if they were mad you'd have heard before a couple days.

I always used to get worried if I didn't get replies to e-mails, but now I've learned to not.

I do that all the time. I always ask my fiance if hes mad at me just because he looks mad or sounds mad. and I always am asking people if something makes sense after I explain something. I hate having people or thinking people are mad at me. I dwell on everything especially if I get yelled at that will haunt me at least day.
So glad its not just me.

Nope, you are certainly NOT the only one here who does this. It's also been the cause of a few relationship breakups in the past.

Vanilla_Slice

Indeed I can vouch for the relationship part on that one quite a few times.

Same thing with me, if a post a message on a board I'm new to I get an irrational fear that if I don't get a reply, they disliked something I said. Depends on the forum though, some I just drop out of because of the people.

Oh man Im the same. If I dont get a response here I just assume everyone hates me or if Im the last to post on a thread I think "I killed the thread!"
I get obsessed with that way too much. I shouldnt post on message boards haha

I can be like that on message boards but mostly with emails, it gets me pretty easily. Sort of unintentional self-sabotage.

I can get that way with emails too. If I dont get a reply by the next day Im re-reading my email to check what I said wrong.
But I thought about that once and realised that I do the same sometimes. I have left it for weeks to answer an email. Mainly because I couldnt think of the exact words to say at the time so I put it off for a while then before I know it, weeks have gone past and the other person is probably thinking they said something wrong. So think of it that way, its probably nothing you said wrong, possibly just the other person cant think of what to reply or they are procrastinating (like I do)

I ask people "Are you angry with me?" so frequently that it's almost become a sort of verbal tic. I'm terrified of annoying people, hurting their feelings, or otherwise making them upset. It's bad enough when it happens unintentionally, but when I lose my temper and get nasty towards people for real, my conscious haunts me for weeks, sometimes even months or years afterwards, even if they've assured me that they have forgiven me. It hurts my spirit a lot more when I know I've upset other people, rather than vice versa.

the responses are interesting. Having asperger's it's hard to know sometimes what is part of my personality or what is basically a symptom that seems to sort of make up part of my personality, not by choice. It's a little comforting to know other people are going through this, in a sad way. thanks.

same here just recently I've been told that I wouldn't be annoying if I stop repeating "just tell me if I'm annoying you".

perseverating on what you might have done wrong without realizing it? par for the course, i would think.

emails, especially. i know people are busy, and i forget to reply to people myself. but unanswered emails drive me crazy. i've determined when people are actually upset or offended by you, they don't generally tell you so. so not hearing from someone could mean you did something "obvious" that was off-putting (and you're meant to figure it out yourself, or the person resists saying it out of "politeness") or it could mean nothing. it's enough to make anyone go mad. (anyone who can't figure out the intentions of others, that is, which is us.)