How bad is your Aspergers?

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Up until the past year my obsessions and social impairment were total (I would hardly do anything besides go to class and play videogames/watch anime/read comics, for just about my entire life... my parents brought home an Atari when I was 3).

My obsessions are still very highly pronounced, but now they are largely centered about figuring out myself (and working through a lifelong depression) and how to compensate for the social impairment. I still completely choke if I need to deal with a group of people (I can handle one just fine, but two is very often a problem and three or more can be impossible).

I'm curiuos what you will make of my symptoms.

Sensory:

Too much visual or auditory input at any one time makes me very short tempered.

Environmental:

When my safe spot (bedroom) is disturbed... If I am being nagged about it by my parents then I have spectacular explosions of temper, what I would describe as over-aderenolinic rage, blood roaring in my ears with a degree of rage that involves violently offensive language, followed by (sometimes) migranes and simple-partial epileptic seizures.

Socialization:

I don't socialize. I will talk about epilepsy, neurology, database design and nuclear physics non stop, but regerding 'normal' socializing (the weather, family and friends etc) I just stop talking as I do not know what to say or do. I don't get involved in those activities as I just do not know how to do it without embarrasing myself, and I need to know everything before I step into a situation.

Eye Contact:

Poor. I get around it by looking at peoples eyebrows or nose. Looking at peoples eyes is too hard and it feels like a laser ripping into my eyes.

Social Proximity:

If people get close to me, and I start to develop feeling for them then I automatically start to alienate them and force them away. Partially because of being sexually abused at school and partially due to a degree of paranoia. Also, I hate being touched. It feels very wrong, hurts in some ways. Very difficult to describe.

Epilepsy:

I learned to live with it. It's a pain in the neck (temporal lobe seizures). simple partial and complex partial temporal lobe seizures, sometimes becoming generalised to tonic-clonic seizures. The main cause of the seizures is the medication I take, which has caused most of the seizures I have had over the last 16 years. Currently reducing the dose and trying to cope with periods of almost violent rage and hyperactivity.

Personal Social:

Cannot allow anyone to get too close as I have no idea how to talk to them or what to do. I need to know everything before going in to a situation. Rules. Step by step. I must know, or I have anxiety attacks and stress to the point that I start having epileptic seizures.

....

Many of these may overlap. I'll let you make of it what you will.

Best wishes and blessings,

Torak.

When I went to the Brockwell Country show the Autistic Society had a stall. I was talking with one of the store workers. I told her I had aspergers syndrome she said she hardly knew, I must have a mild case. I know for sure that that is not the case. There is nothing NT about me what so ever.

Maybe she was just used to being around "low-functioning" people.
Also I'd say most of AS goes on inside our minds, so it's an "invisible" disabiity, especially if you've gotten good enough at socializing over the years.

I voted for mild, but I think it's hard to 'score' yourself. Some things, like sensitivities and thought processes are easier for you describe. Others, like behaviour, might be easier for others - you might have a stim that you barely even realize you do, or have a behavioural pattern that seems perfectly normal to you, but that someone else might point out as being very abnormal. You might rate yourself highly Aspie on the internal things, but not notice the external so much, while someone who knows you might do the opposite.

Social Interaction: Moderate.

Language Issues: None, really. I do have a lot of difficulty sometimes forming the thought/intention in my head into coherent speech. I tend to come out with the wrong words or muddle the sentence up.

Sensory Issues: Moderate.

Obsessions: Mild.

Need For Routine/Familiarity: Moderate/Severe.

Social Intergration: Moderate

Language Issues: Mild was Severe when i was younger though

Sensory Issues: No

Obsessions: Severe

Need for Routine: Severe

Executive Dysfunction: Severe

Coordination Issues: Severe

Sensory Issues: mild or very mild

Obsessions: mild

Need for Routine: moderate to severe (without it I'd be bored bored bored and feeling overwelmed because I don't know what to d. I always need things planned ahead of time of what I'm going to do or I'm depressed)

Eye contact: not sure but getting better

Spontanious: I am able to do something that wasn't on my list like if I'm coming home from work and I see a yard sale, bam I just might have to stop and look at it. I soemtiemes do things that come to mind eithout it ebing planned in my head to do it)

Social skills: not sure but I know they're better than they were four years ago.

Literal thinking: very severe (I take lot of stuff literal but I am still able to learn phrases)

Abstract thinking: very mild

Balance issues: mild

Conversations: Depends on how many people I'm with. If there is too many of them, it's harder for me to talk and keep up what everyone is saying.

That's it for now. Might post more later.

Bad enough that I scare people away, if they tell me to change.

Conversation problems: Severe. I find it impossible to small-talk with people or talk on the phone. It's better if I can find something to talk about that I know a lot about. I just find it impossible to think of things to say. This has got worse with age: when I was younger I talked a lot more but about things that were strange or boring (to others), so I think I have learned to keep quiet as a defence mechanism.

Sensory overload: Mild. Noise is worst and can become painful if it's very repetitive. I don't like being touched by people I don't know but can tolerate it if I have to. I don't like being held tight for more than a few seconds even by my girlfriend.

Problems with metaphors: None

Obsessional interests: Moderate to severe. I don't really know how bad other people are so it's hard to compare but I find it hard to stay away from my interests for more than a few hours and they pretty much rule my life, although the subjects of interest do change every so often.

Eccentric behaviour: Moderate. Usually because of personal interests getting in the way of other things, but also not knowing what is expected behaviour in new situations.

Walk: Mildly different, very occasionally commented on.

Eye contact: Moderate. I can force myself to do it but I usually forget and it 'hurts' after a few seconds. It's better with people I know well.

Balance/clumsiness: None or mild. I have clumsy moments but I'm not sure if it's more than a normal amount.

Need for routine: Varies. I can live with simply having nothing planned, and I will fill the time with my personal interests. But if I do have something planned, or have fallen into a routine, I don't like it being changed (but will adapt eventually).

I also have phases of severe depression. As a child I was a very picky eater but have now grown out of it, which may or may not be AS related.

(Dalebert- don't worry about being too PC here. If this thread asked for honest opinions, then by all means, they should be given.)

Conversation problems: Some. I don't make eyecontact very well, even if it's with someone I've known for a long time. I also can't usually tell when the other person is done talking, especially on the telephone.

Sensory overload: This is probably one of the biggest ones for me. I tend to get anxious and/or irritated (to put it mildly) when I'm around more than just a little bit of noise or when more than one person is talking at a time. Auditory is the most pronounced, but I'm also pretty sensitive to lights and certain smells and a little bit to touch.

Problems with metaphors: Fairly mild. In written word, it's a lot easier to understand after being trained a little in English and how to read literature and poetry, but it's more difficult in conversation when I usually can't ask the person to go back and repeat what they've just said so I can think about it.

Obsessional interests: It used to be a lot worse. I would obsess about things that would do nothing good for me in life, but now I've been using my obsessions to my advantage, ie, picking my major according to it. And since my obsessions don't change on a whim, I doubt this'll be much of a problem. I think the oddest thing I've obsessed about recently is infectious diseases, particularly smallpox.

Eccentric behaviour: Sometimes, though I prefer to be more predictable than eccentric. I suppose someone "normal" would call me at least a little bit eccentric, however...

Walk: I walk more on the outsides of my feet and some people have asked me if I'm limping. I'm not.

Eye contact: I mentioned this in one of the sections above, but it's pretty bad. Even with those who I've known forever, if I make more eyecontact than just a little, I tend to forget what I'm going to say.

Balance/clumsiness: Some. If I walk down a flight of stairs without my hand being close to the handrail, then I tend to feel like I'm going to fall over. I also didn't learn to ride a bicycle until late and I still can't catch a ball most of the time, even if it's an easy throw.

Need for routine: Moderate. When I make a routine, I'm really set on following it, but sometimes I just go without a routine. I've noticed that too often in the past, when I'm fixed on doing something, things always happen differently, so it's best to not keep a tight schedule.

Attention: When I'm paying attention to something I want to, pretty much nothing can distract me, but I've also had several people (both classmates and teachers) ask me if I'm ADD by how I tend to act in and around the classroom.

So yeah, that's about it. I guess I would classify myself as on the mild side of moderate but having learned how to function in everyday life. Learning coping skills is something that's really helped me in the past and continues to help me all the time.

i voted 'mild' but not sure how accurate that is. I mean, it's been bad enough to stop me working for twelve and a half years, so....

Social interaction - I generally come off as friendly, but eccentric. I am told two things, by my man and my rl friends. One, any disapproval or contempt I feel is apparently obvious, even if I say nothing. I do not cross my arms, but my shoulders set and my gaze hardens. The second is somewhat paradoxical for me... apparently, the more benevolent I'm being at the time, the "creepier" I appear. I believe I can explain this last one. Although my heart is generally in the right place, social skills are largely a learned affair for me, not an instinctual one. As such, during my thirty years on the surface of this planet I have learned social behavior largely through rote memorization and the observance of cause/effect relations. (When you say A thing to person type B in situation C, they generally respond with D.) In other words, I have a sort of internal, self-compiled "social rule book" I lug around in my head.

How the rule book is used depends on my mood. When I'm angry, the rule book is used to cause the subject of my ire as much psychological pain as I think they deserve (or as much psychological pain as I can get away with inflicting, whichever is less. Even if it is not the full measure of what I feel they deserve, meting out enough to convince them to take their bs elsewhere often keeps said bs out of my face in the future.) When I'm in a neutral 'observer' mode, I use the rule book to the get the most information I can with the least trouble. (I'm quite curious about people, as a rule.) When I'm feeling silly or am nervous, the rule book is used to elicit humor from those in the vicinity.

And when a person has managed to completely engage my benovelent streak, I tend to throw the rule book out the window. "Aaaw... you're so cute." *offers a cigarette* "You might as well, you're going to be here awhile! Now... *puts arm around shoulders companionably* ... let me tell you how great life is...."

Yes, this is apparently quite unsettling.

Language issues - I am told I have a tendency to take things too literally. I'm usually not told that often though, because my inevitable response is not a pleasant one. "You're <# of years old> and have been through <#of years of education>... is it really so difficult for you to find the words to say what you mean, after all that?" This response is condescending (which mildly irritates people), and I consider it a fitting response to the mild irritation they provoked within me by their unasked-for critique. Such critiques are ill-mannered, and for that they deserve what they got.

Sensory Issues - My sight and hearing are both quite sensitive. Tactile is average. After fifteen years of smoking compiled with a silly lab accident when I was a freshman in college, my sense of smell is below par. Taste... I think my sense of taste is sufficient? (How the hell do you tell for something like taste, anyway? What sort of flavors you prefer? And how may these be objectively ranked?)

Only the sound is bothersome to me, really. Neighbors who play their stereo too loud and things like that absolutely drive me to distraction. I also have a serious problem with twitchy people who are wearing clothing that makes noise and apparently just can't sit still. As an undergrad, I knew a soc major who seemed to always be wearing those windbreaker pants that are made of parachute fabric, and would jiggle his legs in class whenever he was bored. My minor was soc, and he would occasionally be in the same classes I was. Swish swish swish... it took every ounce of willpower in my being to not stand up in front of god and everybody in the middle of the lecture, and say something like "Look, if you don't stop doing that, one of us will be leaving this room in a body bag. I wonder if the bag will be made of parachute fabric, too?!"

Christ, why is it so hard for some people to learn basic manners? If I can learn basic manners, anyone with a functional memory ought to be able to.

Obsessions - I don't consider myself an impartial judge of that, for obvious reasons. I will say that my interests are generally viewed as intense by others. Many people strike me as lukewarm and fickle at best (and I'm not alone in that assessment, either), so who can say whose perception is more accurate?

Need for Routine/Predictability/Calm - It depends. If I am bored, routine, predictability, and calm only serve to intensify my boredom. If I am busy, I prefer them.

Executive Dysfunction - It has been so long since I have faced a situation utterly outside the realm of my experience that I couldn't say, honestly.

Coordination Issues - My fine motor coordination is far above average. My gross motor coordination is terrible. It has occurred to me that I should perhaps increase my calcium intake a great deal, in preparation for old age. If thirty years hasn't successfully taught me to not occasionally trip over sidewalk cracks, slip on stairs, etc. I strongly doubt thirty more will do any good. I expect I'll be falling around a fair bit, and I need my bones to be capable of withstanding the inevitable impacts.

Comorbids - None.

To be honest, although I've been accused of it many times, I'm not entirely certain I'm "on the spectrum" per se. All autistic testing comes back negative. However, any testing designed to measure empathizing vs. systemizing reveals a low empathy coupled with an incredibly high systemizing score. As concerns my opinion of the two traits, you may as well call Empathizing "How Much of A Doormat Are You?" and Systemizing "Do You Have A Brain?" It would be a more accurate description, in my eyes. I can predict how people are feeling (or more to the point, how they hope to "come off" as feeling to others, it disgusts me how little of it is genuine) relatively easily, but with rare exceptions, I only view it as an interesting data point about them, or only care about it insofar as it progresses or impedes my own goals.

I think this is at the root of why I tend to get along much better with men. Our cognitive styles are far more similar. Frankly, I feel sorry for men in a lot of ways... there are relatively few women out there like me. Because of this, what choice do most straight men have? They can either end up settling for some wheedling neurotic who endlessly annoys them with frivolous BS, or they can resign themselves to having no one at all.

It could well be that I am on the spectrum, but the compiled "social rules book" I carry in my head successfully substitutes for so much that I no longer test as such. Given that I lack a baseline score for comparison - I was never tested as a child - I suppose we'll never know.

Problems with metaphors: Moderate to Severe. (sometimes when I hear an expression for the very first time I know what it means right away like "my way or the highway" and "crossing the bridge." I heard it from my ex bf when I be talking about something that hasn't even happened yet and he say "We'll worry when we cross the bridge." Most times I have no freaki' clue what they're talking about even though I assume it must be a metaphor because the person wasn't making sense when he or she said it. Sometimes I don't even know when someone used a metaphor like the time when my mother said my grandfather put a brick in the toilet and I thoight he did it for real instead of knowing his poop was hard.

Social interaction: varies.


Eccentric behaviour: it comes when I have an obsession with a movie and I have the parts memorized, i will act them out and quote the characters. Right now I'm not eccentric.

Balance/clumsiness: very mild (I get clumsy when I'm very stressed or over excited. Occasionly I will fall sideways when I'm walking as if an invisble perosn pushed me but I always catch my balance when it happens)

Sinse researches say that as-people often think that they are ''less affected'' than they really are I say if I have it I have moderate sinse I think if I have it I have mild

If that's true what researchers say, I must be very severe.

I don't know how to tell how strong my AS is, but suspect it is quite severe. The only feedback I've had on severity is when a friend (who has experience of ASD through her autistic son) said I was "not slight" Asperger's. So I guess that helps rule out the 'Mild' option for me.

My life story, which I won't go into, would horrify almost everyone and probably testifies to severe AS, now that I know I'm an Aspie.

Believe it or not, diagnosis was a quick, smooth, easy process for me, which must also be a tell-tale sign. It's been absolutely obvious to anyone with knowledge of ASD that I have AS. People often think I have learning difficulties, or whatever.

Social interaction Severe - has been difficult most of my life, and have been a loner most of my life. The only reason I'm not now a total loner is because I joined a church and made friends who are true Christians and accept me as I am (thanks to one of them I found out about AS). Even then I have a very small circle of friends. Severely bullied at school, very few true friends but a lot of treacherous ones. Being a loner has quite often had catastrophic consequences for me at the hands of unenlightened people. Always lost in standard NT social situations, probably due to my narrow range of interests which certainly don't stretch to typical conversation topics like music, movies, showbiz etc. Never been able to fit in with my own age or indeed my peer group - always been more likely to find acceptance among people older or younger.

Obsessions and interests Severe. One word, Sainsbury's ! !! This was an obsession to the point where I went to London and all I did in my spare time was visit Sainsbury's stores. Otherwise, always been interested in maps, transport networks, words/language, numbers/maths but very little else. I reckon that none of these are interests you can talk much about in standard social situations.

Communication Severe - job difficulties are one thing testifying to that, because communication is so pivotal in a job. I found that out the hard way. Job interviews - where we are effectively being assessed on communication and interaction - have been problematic. Usually I have needed dozens of job interviews before getting a job. Otherwise, don't really know how to make small talk very well, and banter is something I can't understand. Eye contact was always problematic for me - again often with harsh consequences - until I found out the hard way why it was having the effect it was having. Have never had an intimate relationship (except online). Indeed the Internet was a real boon for me when I discovered it because interaction was so much easier (not that I initially realised why). Even today I always speak loudly usually without realising it, because I'm told to reduce my voice at least once every day...

Motor Issues/Coordination Significant - Always seem to be jittery and caught in two minds when it comes to going past people. Often walk into people, or have that 'dance' when passing someone where we both move the same way to try to get past.

Peculiarities of speech and language Noticeable and significant - A great deal of the language I use is 'parrotted' from others, simply because I like the sound of it. I have a 'way with words' and an intelligent way of speaking.

I'd say relatively mild, except for that I've never gotten hired from being interviewed for a job. In that area, my AS is moderate as it's really affected my life a great deal. It's not severe as once I get a job, I'd be an excellent employee as I'm looking for something long-term. Once I have a job, I'll be able to live independently. I don't have obsessive interests that are unusual, nor do I stim or have anything other than preferring tagless clothing.