Women who have aspergers: A non-issue for them

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I haven't read the replies so someone else may have said this already. Dating and marriage aren't just about not being physically alone. They are about connecting with someone. Female aspies, even if beautiful, still can have that issue. It seems to me that maybe you aren't looking for someone to connect with but rather someone with whom to get physical. Women aren't stupid and can tell if that is your sole purpose in wanting to be with them. Also, you don't indicate what type of woman that you are looking for. Maybe you are setting unrealistic goals for yourself. Sure maybe as an attractive female a date can be easily gotten but she still can't get past seeming weird and probably doesn't want to be with someone who only wants to be with her for her looks. Get off the pity trip.

The OP sounded familiar.

I was single until I was 20 but my first ex was a jerk and I did good dumping him but my parents already had him figured out from the start but me, it took me till he had to miss my birthday to tell me I was not important to him. Then I was with another guy who happened to be very ignorant and controlling.

I couldn't get a guy in real life so I had to use the internet to find men. I used my fetish to find men who also had the same fetish. Then I met my husband.

I rarely post in threads like this. If lonely, sexually frustrated guys can't take a hint that they have serious deficiencies in social skills and their personalities and try to start doing something about that by the time they are 25 they never will. Some guy thinking they are such a great guy and have some reason that's logical to them why they should have no problem getting a date with someone is something that a 16y/o with AS would try to do with the first girl he dared to ask out.

To the OP: Most AS guys your age that wait for women or the world to change to suit them wait their whole lives to no avail and b***h about it the whole time. Go do something about it by seeing a cognitive behavioral therapist (CBT). You will be amazed at the sheer volume of problems it will shed light on. It's not a magic cure to get a date but it will help you get your life in a state that's more conducive to getting one.

However, if you choose to be one of those AS guys with an entitled attitude who isolates in their little apartment and beats off to porn all day long and then complains that they don't have a girlfriend, we don't want to hear about it. There are a ton of threads like that on WP and the OPs never take any advice anyway!

just wanted to say i agree that female aspies have it better with that kind of thing. sort of.

yes it does seem easier for us to find someone. people think we're 'interesting/unusal'. the downside of that though is it is only a novelty for awhile, soon they will start to see your quirks as 'symptoms' and they are no longer fun to deal with.

there's also a misconception that because we aspie females aren't always the kind to put a huge effort in appearance (sophisticated make-up, designer clothes and the like) we are often mistaken as being very laid-back and relaxed people and guys are attracted to us because of this quality. and in truth we are actually very anxious and not relaxed people. guys are very annoyed when they realise this i have found.

we get called liars and accused of misrepresenting oursevles (all cause THEY decided who we were) and dumped.

to sum up, being a female aspie makes you seem like you are something to guys that you are not and it sucks.

Can I just say how heartened I am by all the women on this thread and on this site? It's so difficult in the real world, masking every day, having to live with the anxiety that your constant difference brings, that it's doubly disgusting to come here among "my people" and see so much hatred, rage, and misogyny projected by some of the men. Thank you, women of WP, I will keep coming back.

If this post is against the rules, I apologize.

I agree with everything that has been said on this thread about the OP's misogynistic attitudes.

As he's a recent member I had a look at his profile, which states that he has been diagnosed with Asperger's, then looked at his first post, made on 12th July, in which he states that he feels he may have Asperger's and provides a list of reasons why.

So, not only is the OP taking the extremely misguided route of blaming all his problems with women on Asperger's, but he doesn't actually have the diagnosis he now claims he has.

It's irrelevant to me whether he has a diagnosis or not.

I'm just annoyed that so many men with social problems/AS think dating is any easier for women with social problems/AS.


Women in general have to compete with Adobe Photoshop. Most men have no idea how much time and money most NT women spend on looking the way they do and men seem to think they fall out of bed that way.

Take a look at how GOOD LOOKING women who have probably had a significant degree of plastic surgery look without makeup and minimal coifing.

http://allwomenstalk.com/35-shocking-pi ... ut-makeup/

And then imagine what an average women actually looks like without makeup.

And then imagine what a women with AS who may not be able to wear certain clothing or may have an odd posture or odd mannerism or dull facial expressions would come across like.

What if she can't express emotional warmth? What if she has a hard time smiling? What if she doesn't like to be touched? What if she has no idea how to even indicate if she likes a guy?

Men hold women to far higher standards then most men realize and the truth of the matter is most NT women have a hard time meeting them and for most women with AS they are completely out of reach.

You could turn it round and say it's easier for men, because quiet men are seen as strong silent types, whereas quiet women are seen as boring. Not that all people with Aspergers are quiet, but it's another generalisation, just as the OP is a generalisation. It's easy to make generalisations, and the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Society does have different expectations of different genders, and in some ways it's easier for women, and in some ways it's easier for men. Men are not expected to wear make-up, for instance, and when men get wrinkles, it's admired as 'rugged'. I sometimes think I'd rather be a man, but it's pointless thinking such things - you are what you are and you just get on with life.