I Lie Alot - aspergers vs. dishonesty.

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Really, though, that could be true. While we have a propensity for honesty, the diagnosis does not preclude lying.

Hey, I was diagnosed with AS for the second time - first being when I was in gradeschool, I am now entering adulthood. For as long as I can remember, I've had a tendency to lie - alot. Not just white lies to get out of trouble or to protect someone. I lie about anything from my thoughts, intentions, plans, interests etc, it has come to the point where people get the wrong image of me, even friends or family don't know the true me. Not that I'm a bad guy or anything, I'm a bit self centered I must admit - but with a realistic image of my strenghts and weaknesses, not always taking the feeling of others into consideration. I want those around me to feel good, and I could never harm another person intentionally, but I know that I'm making things harder for them by not telling the truth. They really want to help me, but I tell them that I'm fine, that I have few problems even though I'm suffering from depression and everythings falling apart. I intentionally 'control' the way others view me, and I've become quite good at it. The image I strive to create could be described as grandiose on some parts (on aspects that I consider important, like the intellectual component.. I don't care about being popular, good at sports or anything practical), while I'm honest about some of my weaknesses. But I suspect I do this to make the lies believable and to give a false impression of modesty. I'm far from narcinarcissistic hower, as I maintain a realistic self image, and I have low self esteem. As stated I don't do this to hurt anyone around me, I do however take some pleasure in lying - other times I feel guilty, but only of I'm afraid the truth will be discovered. I feel that I moderate this tendency if I risk being caught, but the more distant the relationship between me and the person I'm being dishonest to the more I lie. On the internet I'm 'out of control', and by the end of this post I predict I will be dishonest atleast once ( don't worry, I've been sincere till now.. granted this the previous statement was true). I spend time making up false stories, something I take pleasure in, even though I rarely get the opportunity to tell them, as I don't find myself in a social context very often (this will be the first topic I make in a forum in about a year btw), but I still enjoy it and it gives me some false feeling of self worth, that is soon to be crushed when depression and self destructive thoughts hits. I know deceiving one self is common, and a source of happiness- but I'm far from happy and far from being normal. I don't do this as often as I criticize myself, I tend to be honest with myself, I just wish I could be that way around others. Surely being dishonest has some advantages to it, but with time people - as naive as they might be, will realize.

Maybe I just suck, and lying is a way for me to boost my selfesteem (though only for a short time). Maybe I feel like I have to compensate for my weaknesses, but feel like I can't because i'm to hard on myself. I find myself lying to seem more intellectual than I am - though I would probably qualify for mensa, and my grades were not that bad, I do obsess over the wrong things and I can't persue interests for a very long time due to a long term depressions which I haven't told anyone about (recurring suicidal thoughts). This combined with with social anxiety, lack of motivation to do anything with my life, lack of friends or desire to have them adds up and makes me feel worthless, and could be the cause of my dishonesty.
It could also be because I've been a subject to bullying , perhaps I feel like I can't trust anyone or let them into my life and thus lie to keep distance and to prevent them from hurting my feelings. But then again, I've always been quite distrustfull, and my need for distance and privacy could be a trait of AS. On the other hands, I used to get critized but my parents a lot, and there would be consequences - even punishment such as beating, for whatever I did wrong. Maybe I discovered that not telling the truth reduced the severity of those consequences, and applied lies to other situations as well. I think this could be the reason why I used to lie in early childhood, as for now it's more complex. Some lies could simply be caused by my lack of social skills. Perhaps I'm deliberately lying to seem interesting/ have something to talk about, because I don't know what is appropriate to talk about or simply because i'm a boring person living a boring life that noneone would be interested to hear about. As I said, I'd like the confidence to be honest, but with time it has gotten complicated. I've spun a web of lies, they're basicly 'who I am' and integral to how others think of me, so if I were to reveal all of them, I don't know what would happen and I don't want to find out either. This is the only reason why I like meeting new people, it gives me a fresh start, even though I screw up eventually. Maybe I'm exaggerating the severity of my dishonesty, after they play an essential part in me being able to function in social settings, but there have been times where I just want to be honest for once.

I'm not sure why I'm posting this, as its mostly my reflections and I can't see how there could be much room for discussion, but it sure feels good, though I'm a kinda paranoid when it comes to posting personal info online. In relation to asperger syndrome, I'd like to add that my tendency to lie, caused me to question my diagnosis, as people with AS are generally thought of as socially naive and not very good at lying/don't do it alot. I now know that this just a silly stereotype. You could have AS and lie just as much as a nt, or even more, and be just as skilled at it, but then I again I think most AS find lying pointless, as they complicate things and make it even harder to 'read' others. I'm sorry of if this post was too long, I didn't intend it to be, but I have a lot at my chest.

i do not believe you.

You might want to get into writing fictional novels. Sadly, most people who do never succeed at getting them published, but still, its a good creative outlet for your skill set.

Also, Biblically speaking, lying isn't a sin unless you lie to say someone else did something wrong ("bearing false witness against thy neighbor"). You can find yourself in this type of lie very easily when you are lying to get out of trouble ("I didn't do it, Billy did.").

But socially, you run the risk of being the boy who cries wolf if you get a reputation for lying and making up stories to make yourself look good. There is a song I've heard where a guy goes into a bar and tells the girls that he is "a doctor, a lawyer, a senator's son, Brad Pitt's brother and a man on the run."

As far as how it goes with AS, I don't think its officially part of the DSM criteria. In my case, I had to learn to tell white lies ("Yes, you look beautiful in that dress.") and I still have problems recognizing when I need to do that kind of thing.

To be a 'successfull' liar, you need to understand social dynamics and have great social skills - which I don't.

Do you think an aspie with a fascination for social dynamics would make a successful liar? Some aspies are like "anthropologists" in their study of human behavior, so I guess that would make it easier for them to lie convincingly.