Having Autism and finding a boyfriend/girlfriend.

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1) Is it easier for Autistic girls to find a boyfriend than it is for Autistic boys to find a girlfriend?

I'm wondering because it seems like most girls are more complex or less direct than boys are, and so someone with social difficulties would likely find it easier to connect with boys, which would make it easier for Autistic girls to find a boyfriend.

2) How old were you when you first had a girlfriend/boyfriend?

I personally feel it's easier for a girl to find a boyfriend, but I guess it depends on the individual.

I've never had a real girlfriend, sadly.

I think it's just harder in general for a boy to find a girlfriend, but I think Autism does affect it even more.

You'll find a girlfriend eventually. My friend Carl found a girlfriend, so anyone can.

I've never had a boyfriend/dated/kissed a guy. So going on 25 and I've never had those experiences. It's hard when you come off as "weird" or "strange" oh well. We'll see how college goes for me.

Q1> Rhetorical

Q2> Freshman College (18): spent most of that academic year in or on top of my bed with her and this was fully reflected in my grades

In general. I didn't get my first partner until I was 20 and we met on myspace. The second one I met on a dating site and I met all these other guys on the same place and I met my husband on a forum. That's how I could get dates. Internet. It was impossible in Montana but easier when I moved to Oregon because I was in a city now. In Montana, the closest men were either three hours away or further. I saw one who lived an hour from me but he ignored my message when I made the first move. But my first ex lived 40 minutes away.

Only a few men hit on me in real life but they never asked for my number or anything so I don't know why they acted interested in me and not ask for my number nor ask me out on a date. Maybe I didn't do it right or pick up on their cues so perhaps they assumed I wasn't into them. Maybe my body language was off so they mistook my shyness as "I don't like you."

I used to get online "How can you not have a boyfriend? You're so pretty." "How can anyone not ask you out?"

I think it's so much easier to get dates online than in real life. I may have still been single if I didn't use the internet and moved.

Its harder for someone with social difficulties to find a SO when they spend more time telling themselves how bad they are at it and how unlikely it is to happen than they do actually putting themselves in places where people of the opposite gender are and making the effort to develop and hone those social skills that don't come naturally to them.

For whom the process is more difficult and why are irrelevant. If you want to have the experience, get out there and start trying. You cannot obtain social skills without trying and failing a few times.

When are you likely to have your first SO? The longer you sit here babbling about it online, instead of putting yourself face-to-face with living breathing human beings, the longer its likely to take. Even if you met someone online, you won't develop social or relationship skills here.

26 and still haven't found a boyfriend. Almost have my degree, so I hope I get to find one in my work place maybe? once I start working that is

Yes. A girl need only make herself attractive and go to a place where she can expect to get hit on. A guy has to take all the risk in initiating the relationship. That is extremely difficult for aspie guys and any rejection at all only further corrodes the ability for him to trust that there might be one girl out there that would say yes.


I suppose it depends on your definition of GF. I'm asexual, so relationships don't work the same for me.

My parents tell me that the first time I met my first girlfriend from the neighborhood was when I was about 2 years old. They said that we walked up to each other on the sidewalk, dropped our respective diapers and then hugged each other. We were really close until I was about 10 or so. We were both naked together numerous times during that period and she made me kiss her and other physical stuff like that. She was really horny. I really didn't like kissing. I was naked in front of her when I had my first erection in front of a girl. She giggled so loud that I think I still have a complex about it to this day. There wasn't anything wrong with it, it was just the first time she had seen that happen. Of course, being that I was only 6 years old, I just assumed that there was something wrong with me because none of her parts had that problem.

I had three more neighborhood girlfriends until I was about 12. The last one kept wanting to have sex all the time, but couldn't understand why I didn't. In retrospect, I think she may have thought I was seeing another girl or something because she broke up with me because of the sex thing.

When I was 12, I made my first guy friend from school. I never got along with any of the guys in the neighborhood. Although some girls from school expressed interest, I never had any relationships with any of them.

The first time I ever had a serious relationship was when I was about 21. I guess you could call it serious because we kept fondling each others tonsils with our tongues every time we met. There was even some talk of marriage before I dumped her because despite all the frenching, I didn't love her. I regret now that I didn't give it more time to develop.

Yes.



13.

Last edited by Asp-Z on 05 Aug 2010, 3:32 am, edited 1 time in total.

I think it's easier for girls because there are more boys who want "a girl, any girl"... but it's just as hard to get a fulfilling, long-term relationship; and girls are statistically more vulnerable to abuse. Not to say that boys don't get it; a great many men have been in abusive relationships with women, and as if that weren't bad enough, they find it harder to get out because it's harder for them to get help... plus, females tend towards relational aggression rather than physical, so it's subtler. All in all, it's difficult for everybody.

But I do wish people around here would really honestly examine WHY they want a boy/girlfriend. It seems to be something that many of us want simply because it's considered a status symbol or a sign that you're socially successful.

It seems to me quite foolish to date someone just to be dating someone. There's so much potential for heartbreak there.

This is all from the outside looking in, of course; I have never had a boyfriend because I'm asexual and don't want one.

I think it has to do with the available mainstream entertainment. I can think of very few movies that don't have some type of love story as the main or side topic. I find it really irritating. It's like a story can't be told unless there is a love story attached. It just doesn't seem realistic.

I can see why people think they are broken in some way if they aren't experiencing what they see in almost every movie or hear about in a large majority of songs.

What really cracks me up is movie characters having some type of "oh no you didn't" moment, when someone does something bad to someone they "fell in love with" 5 minutes previously in the movie.

I suppose it depends.



I've never had one.

I was sixteen when I had my first boyfriend.

1) I don't think anybody knows yet. I agree that the thing about men talking the lead would seem to give Aspie men a problem that Aspie women wouldn't have. Perhaps one of the biggest areas of difficulty is that a depressed man with low social confidence (as I suppose Aspies tend to be) will most likely get nowhere with women, while a woman with similar traits is still likely to have her moments. While I was in circulation, I'd not have batted an eyelid at the prospect of befriending such a woman, and if I could cheer her up a bit and find an OK human being under the negative presentation, I'd definitely have considered a relationship. A man in the same state might attract a little bit of maternalistic concern but he's unlikely to be considered as relationship material, more like a lost puppy. I know of one (probably) Aspie girl who I suspect does put a lot of guys off because she's so unusual and can seem quite scary till you get to know her, but I've seen two guys who seemed interested in her in that way (though neither of them looked very happy), in the past year.

2) I was 16....I barely count her as a girlfriend because it was so short-lived (we met only 3 times) and she'd been more interested in another guy all the time who got her back very easily, but I saw her as my girlfriend at the time and she sent me a letter saying she was packing me up, which kind of implies that she recognised that we had some kind of relationship. There was another similar "girlfriend" when I was about 17, who lasted longer but never really saw me as anything all that worthwhile (as far as I know), and then I finally got an undeniable relationship when I was 18. We lasted about 10 years and I married her, so I guess that has to count.

Am I the only person who notices the username is similar to tanjakoch aka tanja fleisher from enclocypediadramatica? Also the german 'madchen' from 'anonymous madchen' from her myspace group? I can't be the only dude