What can you do to help a female teenager with an ASD?

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I was reading for a bit after my daughter was diagnosed with PDD-NOS. She is currently 17, and through all her life she has encountered lots of trouble at school with bullies, understanding classes, looking people at the eye, socializing with others, and she is usually found locked up in her room, searching on her laptop for her current interest. She loves wolf since she was little, and currently, her room is full of pictures and posters of them. So, I was wondering, what can we do to help her?

I need some advice on how to help her with bullies and socializing. We've already gone 3 times to her school to talk about this, and she has changed schools three times. The problem just starts all over again, and the school authorities won't do a thing. (We don't live in the US, and there's VERY little information on autism, in Mexico). Also, some insight on why she spends so much time in her room, please. Another thing is that I was wondering, how can I explain her that hugging me, or her mother for too long is not correct. She usually likes to hug us for more than 5 minutes. Another thing that I have noticed is that she loves her dog, she hugs it, sleeps with it, kisses it, etc. Is this normal? And, I need lots of advice on how to help her understand the classes she doesn't "gets". She has a fairly good average, but she has trouble with Technology over wheels, Regional Scenarios and Spanish.

Thanks!

I used to go to a psycologist. I dont know if they would have "clubs" for AS people in your area but they do here. I think showing this site to her would be a help!

Leave her alone and stfu?

Now, grain, that's not very helpful. I'm sure Mutt only wants what's best for his daughter.

I would have to say, though, that a lot less focus on what's "correct" or "normal" and a lot more focus on her individual needs would be very helpful.

Put up with the hugging. Teach her not to hug that long with other people, but it's unlikely she'd do it with someone she doesn't trust anyway. She's scared, she's lonely, and it comforts her. You're her parents. If you aren't her safe space, where else is she going to go?

Please don't confuse what her daughter wants with what you want.

OP: There's only so much you can do. Talk to her to see if she wants you to help her and if she has any ideas about some of the ways you can be helpful, but other than that all all you can do is watch the ball roll on its own.

Don't pressure her into being normal.

I spent my teen-girl years in my bedroom, either reading books or on my computer. That was how I relaxed and recovered from the stresses of school. I was happy doing it (well, most of the time, but if I wasn't happy, that was for other reasons). Actually,in college now, I still spend most of my free time that way. It's not harmful, so leave her alone and let her do that.

I'm not sure what's improper about extended hugs, maybe a cultural difference, but the reason she does that is probably partly because of the deep-pressure cravings that many people with ASD's (including me) have. If you can afford it, weighted blankets can be very helpful. I've also heard that some people will lie between foam cushions with weight evenly distributed on the top cushion, but you obviously have to be careful with that.

The dog thing.... A strong emotional attachment to a pet is pretty normal when you have trouble interacting with and relating to other people, and it's a healthy compensation. In my own experiences, relationships with animals have been very helpful.

As far as the classes and the bullies, I don't know. Even here in the US, my experience is, the schools don't really care that much about bullying. If she is in physical danger, you might consider homeschooling, if that's an option for you.

I hope this helps.

We spend our time in our room because we enjoy it, can't handle the sensory confusion of the world all the time, need to recover, etc.

I'm female and also did the whole switch schools several time thing. Nothing worked for me. I had to quit school and get an education equivalent. It's not the end of the world if this also happens to your daughter (although I'm not sure how things work in Mexico.)

Your daughter isn't normal. Autistics aren't normal. It doesn't matter if what she is doing is normal or not, the question is if it hinders her or others significantly. I think the best thing you can do is just to support her and help her as you see fit. Things like staying in her room helps her, and she probably likes and understands the dog.

I suggest you ask the Parenting Forum if you haven't already.

The whole room thing is what I like to do, but I don't do it much anymore. I see it as a calm place for me to go to after school or when I'm feeling stressed or overstimulated.

Yes, being in her room is probably the place where she feels least stressed out and most comfortable. It's like a sort of safe home base for her, a predictable environment where she knows what's going on and can feel in control. My apartment serves a similar purpose for me.

As for bullying: It's very important that you make sure she knows absolutely that she can talk to you about what's happening to her at school. Keep the communication lines open. Make sure she knows you will fight tooth and nail to keep her safe. Your family has to face this together, not one-by-one. (Have you tried bringing criminal charges? Sometimes it is a plausible solution; a lot of bullying qualifies as assault, sexual harassment, stalking, etc.)

As for "appropriate" behavior--well, she needs to know what it is. But at home, with her family, let her be herself.

everybody should accept who they are and be who they are

Is home schooling an option? It can be lifesaving. As could be finding someone - even a teacher - who could see far enough to understand her.

As for the room - don't worry. My mother hated it when I kept my door closed. But - controling the flow of stresses and pressures can be very important. I needed the door closed, or needed to be out in the woods, to keep at an operating level. Still do, to some extent.

Your letter is at least half way there anyway - love, support, read her needs.

A great age, right on the edge of adulthood. What does she want to do, what does she want to be? I guess that this is the last year of school and it must be work or college next.

Concerning her special interest of wolves, and her attachment to her dog, encourage her interests. From my observations of people on the spectrum, both online and in person (including myself,) doing what fascinates you is much more motivating than either money or prestige. Help her to figure out ways to turn her special interests into marketable skills. For instance, it sounds like your daughter might excel at a job working with dogs, perhaps grooming them, or maybe training assistance dogs (for the blind, deaf, or even others with autistm) or rescue dogs. There would still be a degree of interacting with other people that might be difficult, but the joy of doing what comes more naturally for her in working with the dogs might make the challenging parts more worth it.