HELP - Coping with meltdowns as an adult?

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Just today I had a lot of what's been talked about in this thread.
i'm 20. i guess that is an adult.

I went to buy some new socks and shoes at a store and they didn't have the shoes I went there for in my size. I was fine before leaving my house, but with the sensory stuff in transit to the store and in the store and the family members I was with saying things that bothered me, and not being able to get what I went there to get, by the time I was on my way home in the car, my heart was pounding, I was sweating more, had a pain in my chest, and my brain was all buzzy, almost dizzy. everything i looked at was intense and I was looking at a lot. too much.

after home a bit I told my mom I felt like I was "about to flip out" and she wasn't very helpful, sort of ignoring me. I started pacing in the house, hitting my hands together and hitting my body with my hands, and trying to breath. sat down, but then started to cry. no one helping me. so got up and lost control. sort of lost half my mind unable not to hit something or break something. and I ended up kicking a big hole in the wall. then my mom started yelling at me for doing so. and then I left and walked and took buses a long way and got coffee and listened to some live jazz.

still kind of have some pain in my chest, six hours later

Merculangelo, I definitely relate to that experience.
And yeah, 20 counts as adult, I am only a couple of years older than you.

Drum machines, music making and hand-drums.

I haven't melted down since I got a djembe.

Also when doing hands on activities and lifting heavy things I've been much calmer.

I have a set of small dumb-bells to lift and these calm me down.

Perhaps all of this mental illness is being caused by society's obession with paper pushing and abstraction.

Theory is useful, but manual/practical work can be stress reliving.

Lifting and studying real physical objects ground experience in reality, make it concrete.

Most of the meltdowns, in my case, have been when I haven't been allowed to study physical objects. Chatting about physical objects is not the same as studying them first hand.

It seems that most study course these days are focussed more on chatting about ideas in groups than studying the real objects themselves.

WOW - I came to the General discussion today to see if I could find out when these types of meltdowns became easier to manage. My son whose 10 has them and they are EXACTLY how you describe. He doesn't know what is bothering him until he's at meltdown level (and its physical too). It is so hard because it is impacting where he can go to school. There are some really great schools where his differences would be valued - but they CANNOT deal with the physical aspects of meltdowns.

BTW - the mental health field thought that because he wasn't complaining of sensory issues or anxiety, his meltdowns were bipolar. However, once we figured out that he doesn't know what's bothering him, it is obvious that these are AS meltdowns not tantrums.

Merculangelo - can you tell me what your mom could have done that would have been helpful? My son can't tell me what he needs (he doesn't know) and I sure would like to help. Sometimes it seems that when the meltdown is triggered by sensory stuff he needs deep pressure which comes from being restrained. . Once he was actually able to verbalize - mom please restrain me, before he started hitting & kicking.

Hi. Is it possible that your son is experiencing anxiety and/or sensory issues but is not aware of it? I have a lot of problems with this, especially with anxiety. My parents can tell when I am anxious better than I can. I can be having a full blown panic attack with hyperventilation and everything and still not understand that I am experiencing anxiety; I may or may not notice that I am hyperventilating. It's hard to explain, but when you ask someone, "Are you anxious?" that requires the person to

1) recognize that one is experiencing certain physical signs (fast heart-rate, shallow breathing, etc)
2) interpret those signs as corresponding to an emotion
3) determine which emotion they correspond to

I have problems with all three of the above, and I have read that it is common on the spectrum to have problems with this. I'm not saying your son is definitely experiencing anxiety, as I have no idea, just pointing out that it's possible he does but isn't aware of it. Maybe you could help him become more aware of individual physical symptoms he may be experiencing before he melts down.

I still have meltdowns about 1-2 a week, either at my assisted living, or at work, or in a store. What happens to me is I get overwhelmed by too much light, sound, or a sudden change in a schedule or routine that I have become used to. I will rock, cry, and cry, and become very obsessive over the problem in hand. For example, if my caseworker does not give me my medicine in the right order I will say again and again, why did you do that to me? I go to couseling and social classes and I have gotten better but I would like to have no meltdowns.

That's it exactly!! I am convinced that he is often anxious and has no idea. We have done a lot of changing the environment to lessen the stuff that causes anxiety, and he's way better. That's why I'm starting to reject the bipolar dx. I just hadn't heard other people describe it the way you did. thank you very much. It is awesome to hear that someone else goes through it.

Not as awesome to find out that it is still hard for you in college. BUT....awesome to hear you are finishing college - I guess there's the good & the bad with anything. You sound like you are doing a really good job of taking care of yourself. I would just make sure that you are sticking to routines that are comforting, eating regularly and getting the sleep you need. Stick to the basics and it won't be as easy for the other issues to take you over the edge. Of course, that's my answer for my 10 year old....but it works

You're welcome.

Keep in mind that I am undiagnosed (though my old psychiatrist thinks that I do have AS and I am trying to find a specialist who can diagnose) and so I never had the benefits of early intervention or treatment when I was younger. Also, because I don't have a diagnosis, I have not been able to get ANY accommodations in college to make things easier. Your son has the opportunity to learn coping techniques now that I have never had help with, so maybe it won't be as difficult for him as it is for me. That's intended to be encouraging ... not make you feel sorry for me or anything like that.

You sound just like my dad! Every time I talk to him, he says, "Are you eating? Are you sleeping?" I usually say something along the lines of, "Well, sort of ...." I do a pretty good job, though. Wish I could find something that helped with insomnia without knocking me out completely.

We parents say that cr@p for a reason....it really makes a difference. Now, with my kid who sounds like he has similar issues as you I can tell you exactly what impact it makes. If he has slept and eaten (typically something with a decent amount of protien), he can take about 2x as much stress as when he hasn't. What I figure is that he is succeptable to each stressor (more than most) and he can only take so much - so if he has eaten and slept, he has more room for the other stuff that happens in a day.

With respect to the insomnia - have you tried melatonin? We swear by it. We buy it at trader joes in a much smaller dosage than you usually see, (500 mcg). these are chewable, good tasting tabs that absorb easily. They work much better for all of us than the higher doses that we usually find at the health food stores. We take about 3, so equals 1.5 mg. The usual dose starts at 3, which can give some people trouble. BTW - we have found DS is more sensitive to all meds, so even with supplements, we start really low. We will also put something boring on tv. Boring enough to let you fall asleep but we like it enough to busy the mind. We usually watch food network or HGTV. Totally benign, but pleasant enough.

Thank you thank you thank you! I have not tried melatonin, but I definitely will now. BTW, do you mean that the kind you get comes in 500 mcg tablets or that it's lower than that?

I'm very sensitive to medicines as well, all the "non-drowsy" formulas cause me to sleep for at least 5 hours and I also have a tendency to get the "rare" side effects. I think the longest I ever slept as the result of a "non-drowsy" medication was around 15 hours. That was as a teenager.

Uncontrollable rage... been there, all my life.
I have been handling that aspect of myself for as long as I can remember.
For one, I learned to remain calm and not let things get to me, so I can maintain control.
When things get beyond my ability to handle, I have learned to recognize the signs and try to escape the situation as quickly as possible.
and when that's not possible.. that's when I finally flip. I've gotten better at controlling myself over the years.

This is also one of the main reasons I never drink. I need to be aware enough to know when to walk away... I know very well how much damage I would do (and have done) if I lost control.

The 500 mcg is what I buy at Trader Joes, and take 3. Typically, at other stores we see tablets that are 3 mg (which would equal 6 of the others). If you can only find the 3 mg, break the tab in 1/2 or 1/4 if you can.

My son's pdoc is an aspie (so he gets things that other pdocs dont) and he addressed the sleep issue before he even wanted Ds on meds. He advised the melatonin, and it has really worked like a charm.

That's great.

I got some melatonin from the Trader Joes ... one thing, it doesn't say whether it is synthetic or natural and I read that animal-derived melatonin can be dangerous. But I also read that it was illegal to make melatonin from animals in the US and no one does it. And then I read that "most" US brands use the synthetic, which implies that some do make it from animals. The internet can be so confusing and paranoia-making. If your doctor says the brand is fine and you have been using it with no trouble, then I guess it's fine.

I have never heard of the differences . That said, I'm sure I advised the DR about the specific brand, because I thought they were so good for kids. Chewable and smaller dose, what's not to love? I trust TJs stuff.

I'm sure it's fine. Thanks again. I hope it helps.

PangeLingua, I've been through periods exactly like what you describe, since I was a kid. In the last couple of years I have done somewhat better at both coping with/preventing them. I don't advocate the drug route, especially if you think you might be depressed. It can lead to further problems...

Anyway, the main thing for prevention is, you absolutely have to schedule more downtime for yourself. If you are like me (and it sounds like you are in this aspect) then the stress/business is cumulative and when you are always right at the edge, lots of things will set off one of these attacks that you would otherwise be able to deal with better if you were not as stressed. You say you don't have time.... you have to make time. This is the only way to prevent. Once I started scheduling this in I was much better able to deal with it and have it come up less frequently. You can't just treat the meltdowns when they happen you have to change your patterns to help prevent the stress from building to that point.

For example: trying to get enough sleep. Scheduling time off. Schedule vacation days where you don't have piles of errands to run or something, it's just a recovery day. If you feel yourself getting to the stress point again, schedule one. Use the time to unwind and do things that calm you down (this may be easier if you live alone). For me, relaxing things at home, reading certain things, going for a walk in a natural area, etc can all help me calm down. But you have to schedule this in and make time for yourself. I don't even have a regular vacation (like going somewhere with family) without an extra day to recover from the vacation. Another thing that helps destress is allowing time for a creative project of some kind even in my schedule. This seems to be therapeutic (substitute whatever your interest is that allows you to focus on something).

Now: when you actually have them, there are some things I've found help my calm down faster as an adult. One thing is: try to pay attention to yourself so you can catch yourself when you start to get really wound up, before it gets too late. This takes some practice. I have the hardest time around family members because I keep engaging with them longer than I would strangers (and they tend to irritate me more when I'm stressed) and because it's harder to get away from them. Next: leave the situation you are in as quickly as possible. Luckily, as an adult, this is somewhat easier to do (unless you are at home). You can excuse yourself with little explanation and go to the bathroom or something. Or say that but go somewhere else. I have said as little as, "I'll be right back" or "I have to go". Or if a person is talking to you and making things worse, just tell them "I need a minute to collect my thoughts" (or whatever) and leave. Going to a bathroom is not an ideal space for me but sometimes it's the most immediately available option. Sometimes it allows you to calm enough to go for a walk, which helps me calm more. The best place however is a dark room, preferably small. There is a small conference room at work which I have gone to on occasion and turned the lights off. I just sit there for 15 minutes or so until I have a grip on my self again. In the past yes I have tried to let it out physically, but I can't recommend this, unless it involves punching a soft object or something. Personally, I like a small confined space that is dark even more. As a small kid I used to crawl into the towel cupboard. Older, I have used closets. Something about the confined space and the dark is more quickly calming. If you can't go somewhere like this (or after you have and you've calmed down somewhat), going for a walk usually helps me calm down further and go over things in my head. For me it's better to delay the walk until after the calming period to avoid looks or interference from passersby and to avoid getting further wound up.

But, I can't stress enough: you absolutely have to schedule in maintenance time to destress and keep tabs on how bad you are. If you think you may be depressed (I have been) that can make it a lot worse. Now that I know myself better, I am much quicker to schedule time for myself, ask for time off work or call in (which I never used to do), skip class (also never used to do) or otherwise make my mental state a priority. I probably schedule more "me" time than most people I know, as they sometimes look askance at it or if I mention it, and I don't push myself as hard as I used to, especially at work, but it makes a HUGE difference and it's worth it.