Question for people new to Asperger's

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Ok, so I just recently self-diagnosed and obsessed over research for a good week. My 8 y/o daughter and 4 y/o son are most likely Aspie, as well as my husband. We're actually going to be evaluated and get an official diagnosis soon.

So here's my question: Once you suspected you were an Aspie, did you notice every little "crazy" thing you do? Do the things that you did unconsciously, that are now brought to your attention, freak you out? Do you notice your unusual behavior much more?

I ask because I'm freaking out over ever little thing that I do that backs up my Aspie suspicions. I never realized why I had callouses between two of my fingers and had trouble getting a blood sample(I'm diabetic) from those spots. It's because I finger flap. I flap things around in my hand when holding them. I obsessively click pens, many, many, many weird tics that I do have been brought to my attention and I wonder if others have noticed/do notice how "freaky" I am. I also notice all these little things in my 2 kids that I have suspicions about too.

My concentration on these things really makes me feel like a "freak" these days. UGH!

I, like you didn't even know what autism really was until a couple days ago. Once I researched it (non stop) I realized that I had all the symptoms and always have. i've also, in the last couple days, started noticing all the things I do, and have done that help support it.

I think there is an OCD associated with autism because we can't control our thoughts as well. If you think about something with any kind of importance, you wont be able to stop until you come to some kind of fruition (end) I'm the same way. The best thing you can do is accept something being "pending" and wait to be diagnosed. Also realize that once you're diagnosed that nothing is going to change so it's ok to accept that you are right now so you don't have to constantly worry about it.

I would also start writing or typing everything down that comes to mind so you can show this to your doctor. Open a word or text document and just start typing everything that comes to mind and don't worry about structure or staying on one topic. This has ALWAYS helped with me and once it's written down it's solidified in your mind and you can stop thinking about it. If you start thinking again - keep writing. This is one of the only ways i've ever been able to stop thinking about something.

Question. How do you think? Do you think in images or words or both. Have you ever kept a journal?

I just learned about aspergers this summer and just finished getting a DX from someone who claims to be a specialist in DXing adult AS......And I am still not certain!! !!I really thought getting DX would resolve my obsession but it didnt work.I,also went through going through every "trait" to see how it fit or didnt fit for me.You will notice a lot of posts here with people asking....I do x,y,z,is that AS?So it seems to be a natural process of trying to understand a new concept.Personally,I dont know if I will ever except it until they design a Gene test or cat scan...I have been DXed other things before and been mislead down dead-end roads,so I am a bit cynical.Half the time I say...I have AS and the other half I just think of myself as having a lot of "as traits"....I still havent ruled out that I am an alian sent to earth to collect data on these strange "critters".

For me, self-diagnosing didn't make any symptoms or anything go away at all. In fact, I self-diagnosed and I was like, "ok I have AS," but it didn't really hit me until about a month afterwards. At that time, for whatever reason, I started noticing just exactly how many of the AS traits I exhibited (it seemed like everything I did was AS-related), totally utterly flipped out, and went to a psychiatrist just to deal with the shock.

Four months after the self-diagnosis, I still see the psychiatrist, but now it's mainly to tell him about my complaints, and to get an official diagnosis. I have no regrets about the self-diagnosis or seeking professional help, since those helped me finally to understand and accept what had been going on all my life.

How does one think in words? This is a concept I just can't seem to understand. I can't fathom that people don't think the same way as I do- videotape in my head. I am a visual thinker for sure, always have been. I guess I just don't understand what NT thinking is. I remember well, visualization exercises in school. I remember thinking- "Why am I supposed to close my eyes and think about an image when I already have an image in my mind." By the time the teacher had gone on to explain what we were supposed to be visualizing, my mind was off and running on a billion tangent images. It never made any sense to me that people had to work at visualizing things. It still doesn't make any sense to me.

No, I have never kept a journal, not really. I do write down my ideas in a billion different notebooks I have scattered throughout my house though.

As far as a diagnosis, well, I know it won't change anything. I am who I am. It might help to be able to understand some of my "unusual" behaviors, obsessions, anxiety, etc though. It may help me in my ability to accept myself as I am and stop trying to be different. If I know that I am who I am because of something beyond my control, then I'm more apt to be accepting of myself. Does that make any sense?

I first read about AS when trying to find an answer for my social difficulties. I was stunned when I realized that not only does it appear to cover them, but a host of other things that I thought were just personal quirks and habits and hadn't been looking for at all. It's made me suspicious enough that I'm in the process of trying to get an official diagnosis (one way or another, yea or nay).

Now I keep getting the feeling that I'm somehow becoming more Aspie, but all it is really is just recognizing that things I've always done can be AS-related, so I'm hyper aware of them all the time.

What I find most interesting of all is that even in the case of aspects of the AS criteria that I couldn't honestly say matched me, the basic pattern of thought still seems to be there. For instance, people on the autistic spectrum may be transfixed by spinning things. This isn't a true obsession for me - however, I do very much like and enjoy watching skeleton clocks, carousels, cogwheels, old tin toys; many intricate, moving, mechanical things. What do they do, as a whole or in part? They spin.

I basically describeeverything. A psychologist did this exercise where you had to picture someone, usually close to you, i thought of my sister. When i did this i couldn't actually get a picture in my head, just lot's of words (dark hair, freckles etc) describing my sister. Hence, think in words.

Sounds like a nice family, congratulations. Keep going.

I only discovered AS this year and it's made me wary of habits which I now realise must
have seemed strange to others.When talking to people I kept eye contact to a minimum
because my mind convinced me it was impolite.I'd be looking at the floor or staring into
space behind someone while they gallantly tried to hold a conversation. Now I find myself
having to consciously make an effort to get the appropriate level of eye contact.

On the subject of how do people think,I have an inner voice that occasionally asks me
"What do I do next" ? etc.It's just my own unspoken voice,although if I'm reading something the strange thing is I hear a different voice,as if I have my own private newsreader complete with a refined accent.I also think visually when trying to imagine
how I'm going to act in certain situations,as if I'm practising them in my head.

I think it's been a year and a bit since I found out I was an Aspie. I remember at first, that I thought it made sense, and there was a great burst of energy from seemingly having my answer. After that it died down, and after a few months I found myself reading on and off, about the "condition", and learnt to be more positive about my differences again. Since then, I've been happier in myself, certainly, and I think just letting go a of my initial insecurities a little has been harder than it sounds, but worthwhile.

I hope that I can keep learning about people, enough to make myself welcome among them. These last few years, and especially since my diagnosis, I've been making something of an effortful ongoing study of people in general. I haven't ventured too far in that respect yet, but I do find I'm learning a lot - and simply by watching people, I'm beginning, I think, to understand why they go about things the way they do. It's not because I feel it's natural - indeed, I could never copy what I see - it's simply curiosity. And, of course, if I end up being better liked for being me, around people, that's cool too. If not, I'm no worse off.

Personally, I'm glad to be a member of the alien race!

It makes complete sense. Thinking in words is exactly how it sounds. If you were to go back and read the post your wrote. Each time you read each word you would say it in your head. Like:

"I am saying this sentence in my mind."

If you are only visually thinking then each word would create an image in your mind but you would still have to "say" each word, or visualize it.

I imagine that in order for someone who only thinks in images and video to think in WORDS they would have to first write them down enough to have them start being processed as images of words and not images. I think eventually it would become similar to verbal thinking.

With me, I never realized why I would have to stop at some words and actually see their meaning before I could understand them. I usually figured them out in context and knowing what sounds mean different things. Like ing, ed, tion - things like that. I also think since i kept so many journals it allowed me to start having to transfer my visual thoughts and experiences into words which also forced me to develop an inner dialouge so I could know what to write.. That makes sense to me at least!

I would be really interesed in knowing what your notebooks say in them, the themes and such. They might be what has allowed you to get to the point you are now which is pretty far if you ask me! I have a feeling if most autisitc people were like me, you guys won't be able to do anything you think you CANT DO. Even if you could.. That's always been my biggest problem. I would convince myself I couldn't do something and then I wouldn't be able to. Then after either writing the problem down and the way to solve it - then i could..

Interesting idea, writing it all down realtime, sans editing.

I was trying to explain what ADD is like to a friend of mine, via email.
It took me 3 hours to write the email, because...
"typetypetypetypeblahblahblahThirsty.... get Coke, see TV, see PS2greenlight on, flip TV to 'on' and input4, ooh GT4! vroomvroomvroomvroomvroomvroom I should clean the kitchen. Set it to autorace, go clean kitchen. Cleancleancleancleanclean Race won! 5,000 bucks.. new prize car... hmm hmm organiseorganiseMm! Neat car... select... track... vroomvroomvroomvroom adjustadjust vroomvroomvroom I wonder how you navigate by stars, exactly... never figured that out... go check wikipedia, celestial naviga- oh, email to Rob, right... 11 degrees n overcast... typetypetypetype Ooh, shiny!"
I think the Coke's still sitting on the counter.

When I was being diagnosed the doctor did something similar to me. About half an hour in he held up a piece of 8x11 posterboard with a picture of a living room for about a second then turned it around so all I could see was the back obscuring his face.

What color was the couch?
(immediate answer)Brown
How many apples were in the fruit bowl?
8
What was the coffee table made of?
Wood
What color are my eyes?
(pause)
I dont know
What color is my hair?
(pause)
I dont know
Do I have a pointed chin?
I dont know
What color are your husbands eyes?
(long pause)
Im not liking this game..

I'm not sure if i've had a problem with eye contact. I think I had the opposite thought - that not making eye contact was rude so I wouldn't look away haha. One thing i've done that helps me is focusing on their eye contact. Are they actually making eye contact? How much? HOw long? Where are they looking? Where do you look? In which eye? If you have a problem looking into their eyes try to focus inbetween their eyes, on the left one and then the right one. keep your eyes moving.

It' also helped me to think about conversations as experiments. What are they doing? Where are they looking? I think you'll find that there are a LOT of people who are afraid of eye contact and you'd only notice this if you're paying attention to the other person and not what you're doing. THis has always helped with me. It takes the pressure off of myself and onto them.

I've also discovered, and this was SOOOO important. Not everyone is as observant or caring as I am. Just because we think people are judging us or examining us doesn't mean they are. If you're self consiouss about something doesn't mean that anyone is even going to think about it or notice it at all! I find it's best to think about what they're are doing and not as much as what i am. Then you can pick and choose which behaviors you like and disslike in others and can start to use them yourself. I would always try to understand what made someone a better conversationalist or what made them seem "cooler" than someone else and emulate what I liked. BUT just because I think like this, or you do, doesn't mean it's even crossing someone else's mind. You'll find most people just like to hear themself talk and couldn't care less about how you look, what you're saying, or where you're eyes are focused! Keep that in mind, it's helped me out a lot and now each experience with someone makes me stronger and more confident. I'm actually finding i'm better than most people but it's not natural. It takes a lot of work and observation and practice! But you'll never get better unless you realize there is a problem and then start trying to fix it. YOu can and will if you try!

What do you think was preventing you from "knowing" that information? Do you usually? Maybe when you're forced to visualize something in your short term memory you're not able to access your long term memory? What do YOU think it is?

yeah, do you take medication for it? does it help? How? What makes your thoughts different when you can pay attention to something?

Do you think it depends on whether you WANT to do something or not? I think writing things on your hand might help! Keeping your focus on something you can't take it away from! I don't have ADD per say. I can keep my focus where I want for as long as I want, but that's only if i dont get distracted by something else!