How on earth do you survive with Asperger's/HFA? (Poll)

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I write software for a living. Until I turned fifty, it worked out pretty well - there was always someone else who wanted to employ me. After all, I was the best.

As a fifty-plus member of the workforce, newly saddled with an aspergers diagnosis, it's nowhere near as much fun. These days, even when I have good ideas, noone listens.

I work but not enough hours to support myself. I live with my parents.

I have always been at least partially dependent on my family for financial support. I can live (and have lived) without any assistance otherwise. This is a very shameful situation at my ripe old age of 41. I have held plenty of jobs in the past, but none paid well enough to allow me 100% financial independence. Since I lack an official ASD dx, i'm pretty sure I could never qualify for SSI. I do meet most, if not all, the "classic" characteristics of non-verbal learning disability though. I would say it is pretty severe in my case as well. There was a 57 point discrepancy between my VIQ and PIQ (in favor of VIQ of course) on the last WAIS test I took in June. My VIQ was 136 and my PIQ was 79.....79 is in the borderline intellectual functioning range . This was the lowest PIQ score i've ever obtained and the second-highest VIQ score i've ever obtained.

My PIQ score was 111 (high average range) and my VIQ was 155 (very superior range) on the previous WAIS I took in 2006. I'm not 100% sure why my PIQ was 32 points (over two standard deviations ) lower on the most recent test. In any case, since NLD/NVLD is not an officially-accepted mental disorder, i've always been dx-ed with LD-NOS or Mathematics Disorder on all but one of the neuropsychological evaluations i've taken. I didn't receive any LD dx at all on the eval in 2006. I suppose this is because the neuropsych felt both my IQ scores were too high to warrant an LD diagnosis and my full scale IQ came out to 143 (very superior range.)

This just goes to show that he knew nothing about NLD. It is immaterial whether either or both scores (VIQ and PIQ) are above the norm when it comes to NLD. The full scale score is even more meaningless in this regard. Rather...the gap between the scores and even more importantly, one's pattern of scores on the subtests is far more useful in determining whether one meets the NLD diagnostic criteria (unofficial per the APA though it is) or not.

At any rate....I believe my overall IQ scores would hardly help me qualify for SSI benefits. I have also been dx-ed with schizoid pd (on the most recent neuropsych eval....i've been dx-ed with schizotypal on all the others), depression, dysthymia and anxiety on the neuropsych eval back in June. I don't need SSI currently and i'd rather not even bother applying for it unless things became very desperate. I am taking 60mg of Citalopram per day (Celexa) for depression and I think it has helped me greatly. This is the first psych med i've ever taken which has offered some appreciable benefit. I am feeling far less depressed than I was even three months ago. I now believe I can go out and work again. My depression had been so bone-crushing for the past year that I could barely get out of bed.


I recently re-applied for OVR services and I was approved about two months ago. They can help me find a job, but they do take their sweet time doing so. Hopefully I will meet with my new VR counselor within the next two weeks or so and ideally i'd like to be employed (at least part-time) by the end of the month, if not sooner. I am also bound and determined to return to college/uni ASAP and obtain at least a BS/BA degree. OVR may also help to cover my educational costs, but there are no promises there. Its not a big deal if they don't really....grants can cover much of them (it is not like i'll be going to Harvard or something after all...I may have to start at community college and I already have an AA degree) and my family has agreed to cover whatever the grants do not. I must be working and bringing in at least some income however. I am very worried about returning to college because i'm horrible at math. I haven't even been able to pass introductory algebra yet. People tell me I should just major in something (like paralegal for instance....blech ) with little or no math requirements. Ideally I want to major in psych and for that, college algebra and stats/probability (both I and II) are pre-reqs. No matter what....I INSIST on passing math at least up to the college algebra level (don't know if I could ever grasp spatial math like geometry and trig though) and it's simply a matter of pride and ego to me. I would be quite close to the apex ("self-actualization") of Maslow's hierarchy of needs pyramid if I could just do that.


I also want to become a much better guitarist, travel the world, become both omniscient and omnipotent...but that's another story.

My family doesn't pay for all my expenses either and my savings from my last job two years ago are all gone. So now I can't even afford to go out with friends (the few I have) once in awhile or buy a CD. My family will pay for basic living expenses and that's about it. The one and only downside to feeling significantly less depressed is that my sex drive has reawakened with a vengeance. Unfortunately for me, my overall circumstances are hardly appealing to very many women (at least ones that i'd find appealing) and I have no other sexual outlet right now aside from.....ummm....self-service. What's worse is that I COULD be a virtual Don Juan if I wasn't such an epic failure. At the risk of sounding conceited about my looks......countless unbelievably gorgeous women have found me very physically appealing over the years and i've actually been with only a tiny percentage of said women. I do think I have a very attractive face, but my body leaves much to be desired in part because of my depression which rendered me quite sedentary and inactive for the past two years. I am 5' 6" and I was 138lbs two years ago. Now i've ballooned up to 179 though i'm starting to get back into a regular exercise routine now and eating right. Needless to say....my body won't be even remotely appealing to most women (again....at least the ones i'd be attracted to in the least and I can't help who and what i'm attracted to) for quite some time though



Anyway....it is pretty obvious from this thread that many of you adults are in a very similar situation to myself. I am looking at this as opportunity for us all, though not a very likely one I guess. In other words, I greatly identify with many of you......more than i've identified with any other humans i've encountered in my life. I won't mention any names, but I think you may know who you are. Therefore....I would seriously consider joining forces with some of you and sharing a place together. I am sick of living with my mother and while she is a blessing to me and the only reason why i'm not homeless, I never envisioned living with her at 41. I am like a little child here.....I basically have to do everything she says lest I find myself on the mean streets of South Florida. She thinks she knows what's best for me and doesn't even want me to take any math classes. She just wants me to study something "practical" (like paralegal or something) which is likely to lead to a decent career. Man does not live by bourgeoisie wage slavery alone though and that's something a high-powered corporate professional like her will never understand. Call me crazy for an American, but the typical capitalist imperatives are not exactly fulfilling in and of themselves. I am more than willing (and currently able) to work hard at a job I hate, even for very low wages. Unlike my mother however who works at job she hates for $100,000 a year, (plus great benefits and perks) I refuse to allow a job I hate to be the end-all/be-all of my existence.



So if any of you are at all interested in getting a place together......don't hestitate to PM me. I WILL NOT leave South Florida except if the circumstances were a very exceptional "offer I can't refuse" type thing. I am quite acclimated to the subtropical/tropical climate here and I love the ocean and tropical foliage too. Furthermore...the only other close family and friends I have live in Pittsburgh, Pa and I would be most unwilling to pick up roots and start anew in some unfamiliar part of the country/world where I know no one. I could not live with any of my family in Pittsburgh either. My dad has remarried and has three kids through his second wife. While I have a great relationship with my father and his new family, I can assure you they're not having me. My grandfather and his wife are very old. My GF is 93 and is just hanging on by a thread as it is. Even if I was 100% financially independent, he could never handle me or anyone else but his wife living with him for any extended period of time.



Anyway.....I am honest, loyal and sometimes even fun to be around. I love all things related to nature and the great outdoors. I love music of almost all genres and even though I pretty much suck at it.....I play guitar. I like video games though i'd hardly classify myself as a gamer. I love most things academic including (in no particular order) history, psychology, science, literature, (mostly non-fiction....but I like alot of fiction too....i'm a big Lord of the Rings/Tolkien nerd), philosophy, etc....Even though i'm an atheist with strong leanings towards materialistc explanations for reality, i'm also fascinated by the occult, mysticism and alternative spiritualities in general. Politically speaking....I mostly identify with Libertarian Socialism as a ideal of human society. Nonetheless....it is difficult to conceptualize such a society in reality and even Noam Chomsky admits that. Thus....i'm basically a "lesser-of-two-evils" voter who has always has and probably always will, vote democrat, however grudgingly. It looks like our country is about to be taken over by a bunch of extreme right-wingers too and that may even be more of a reason for us underdog minorities (with and without disabilities) to band together. The social darwinism and downright sadism present on much of the right may just get exceptionally ugly in the coming years. Now I hate discussing politics and religion really, but I feel I must make my positions known to people I might be in some close association with. I can handle some significant differences of opinion....but I CANNOT handle people who think women shouldn't be allowed to have abortions even in cases of rape or something like that. In all good conscience....I must draw the line somewhere when it comes to the political and religious beliefs of others. Downright racists, nazis, misogynists, homophobes, religious fanatics, etc.....are wholly intolerable to me when it comes to actually living with someone.


In the interest of shortening this very long post a bit.....any of you are free to PM if you would seriously consider sharing a place together here in S. Florida and simply "joining forces" otherwise. I don't know about any of you....but my own living arrangements right now are less-than ideal and i'd love to live and associate with others who I have alot in common with. South Florida is not paradise contrary to the usual media perception of it, but I could think of worse places to live. The cost of living is fairly high, but you CAN get by fairly nicely around here with roommates.



I currently live in Ft. Lauderdale in a luxury condo on the beach with my mom. Sounds like a tiptoe through the tulips to many of you i'm sure. Nevertheless....the glitter of the gold here is quite overrated IMO and I wouldn't be opposed to living in Key West again. The little semi-bohemian speck of dead coral is quite a bit more accepting of society's misfits than the big cities in S. Florida are. There are also many homeless there and they seem to get by relatively well compared to the crap they often encounter elsewhere.



BTW.....I like animals of all types and i'm not allergic to anything. I love outdoor activities and i'm always looking for fellow musicians to jam with (in spite of your skills....i'm not a great guitarist in the least.) I love many different foods, but i'm trying to stay fit now, so I can't go crazy with the feasting. I drink recreationally and can tolerate smokers, but I prefer you smoke outside. I drive, have my own car and i'm a safe and responsible driver. I like many kinds of movies except for silly comedies, most "chick flicks", mindless action/horror films and other inane, predictable and dumbed-down crap. I can basically get into many things except sports like football, baseball, soccer, hockey, race car driving, boxing, golf etc......I have taken martial arts (Chinese Kenpo) but never took it seriously or went very far with it. I don't car talk very much and automobiles don't appeal to me except as a tool. A means to an end which allows me to go to point A to point B. Beyond that.....I don't know the difference between a Toyota Corolla and a Hummer. Well....that is a slight exaggeration, but i'm sure most of you get my meaning.

I also have no use for fashion or dancing. I do enjoy watching pretty girls dance though

i've worked in used bookstores for the last 16 years.
before that i worked in a bank for 5 (not as a front person).
i've never made much money & still don't support myself completely.
i do some english tutoring on the side.

It would be nice if this thread could become a sticky



Pretty please?

i qualified for dla and esa because my doctor signed me off as unfit for work based on his professional opinion

im 25, i have been threw many jobs. People clearly view me as odd, i never get hate, but definitely awkwardness, probably cause i tell everyone my life story when i meet them. Right now i do not have a job, i have not really worked in like 4 years. I float threw life unable to get attached to really anything, unable to keep my girlfriend because they literally can not live with me, my condition makes it unbearable, extreme anhedonia and lack of care for social interaction. But in the end, my personal view, wrong or right, we live to die. So life is more of a test, just keep on trying. That is all anyone can do really is try to the best of their ability. Never give up and keep attempting to get on track, whether it happens or not is not the issue, just that you lived your life trying your best. Through perseverance tho i hope one day i can attach myself to something and feel as if i am part of this earth, maybe you to with perseverance will find yourself inner peace.

but what is also said is this. The pheonix rises from the ashes, people with true heart and soul, people who see the truth in things and aren't simply conforming or following like the mass public have usually gone threw some hardship. It is no joke that hardship builds character, because from what i see, a lack of hardship builds bland dull arrogance incapable of seeing true horror.

Eating and drinking is a good start.

All of the above?

I live with my parents who help support me with food, housing, etc

I work part-time in a supermarket, which allows me to give my parents some money every month and I get staff discount for groceries, which also helps.

I also receive DLA, which isn't based on income, so this also helps.

I'm also studying part-time via the Open University, which is a distant learning institution. I was at a tradition university but the stress was too much for me.

What exactly is the process involved in getting a thread stickied?


I pm-ed a moderator about turning this into a sticky thread.....but they didn't get back to me yet.