I fear an ordinary mundane reality, so I choose to live a life in the pursuit of truth and knowledge which naturally avoids the problem. Ultimately, I fear ignorance; ignorance which in turn will inevitably lead to conformity or blind submission to cultural and social norms and expectations. I fear that I may one day lose the inclination and patience in order to sustain a state of enlightenment, because a life as such tends to be a lonelier one, and I will always be tempted to relinquish my pursuit of truth in order to be accepted and respected by the majority. I also fear my own uncertainty, and attempt to maintain self control by relying primarily on an internal source for happiness; happiness comes from within. Although, by not relying on a source of happiness externally: friends, family, possessions ect. I may avoid ignorance, but I can not avoid the downside of this reliance: a lonelier life. This fear of loneliness at times fuels the uncertainty of my decision to not conform for the sake of being accepted. Popularity comes at a price: not only a dependence on an external source for happiness, but also the loss of an enlightened mind due to it's confinement set by others. I fear my own fear, because the very fear which drives me to seek truth at all costs, causes uncertainty in me, and this uncertainty questions the very truth in which I value, and sacrificed so much in order to pursue.
21 Nov 2010, 5:27 pm
