Relationships: AS + NT or AS + AS

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I'm not currently in a relationship, so I didn't vote. I've only ever dated NTs and always had issues when they wanted to be overly social and I didn't. I think the last one thought I was a real downer sometimes.

I'd really like to see what it's like to date another Aspie, but then I think "Where would I go to meet someone like me?" and I realize that I'm not likely to stake out a hot Aspie guy's house to see if he wants a date...

I find it exhausting but well worth it. I find it exhausting because of all the social stuff she wants me to do. Holiday times are the worst. She finds it exhausting because she thinks I don't pay attention to her because I like doing a lot of things on my own and I don't show/display enough affection. She constantly reminds me. Also I bother her a lot about sounds she makes.

Technically, I don't believe I've ever been in a relationship with an actual NT. But I know most people like to use the term loosely, to mean "not autistic".

I'm currently in one with a girl who believes she has AS, and it's pretty good so far...we have a lot in common, but then, like any relationship, we have a lot of differences as well. But it's really cool that I don't have to explain why I'm so weird, or fear that she'll think I'm making stuff up when I tell her.

I initiated all of my relationships for the most part. The one I am in now was a joint effort since we met online. I am an undiagnosed aspie female engaged to an NT male. It can be hard at times I will admit. Sometimes he doesnt understand me and I dont understand him but most of the time we are great together. I can be very silly and he can be too. We make each other laugh and I help him out and he helps me out. I can be a pain though but I am working on it and he is working on understanding me better too. We have been together almost 5 years we must be doing something right. Every other guy I was with didnt really get me and ended up leaving because I did something they didnt like or I left them but with Jason its much different. I have never felt so loved as I do with him. He makes me the happiest I have ever been. He has helped me improve so much over the past 4 years and I know he will be there for me no matter what. I dont think I could or would ever want to be with another aspie even if I was ever to be single again which I highly doubt that I would go with another NT. Even though I would be more understood by an aspie I dont think I would feel as loved as I do now.

i dont really care if its to perceived to be a bad or good idea for aspies to date. i just want as much info/relationship advice as humanly possible.

i cant help it i like aspie girls and guys i feel like i resonate on the same frequency and we cna understand one another better.

my first relationship was with an aspie guy and he pushed me away because he has a hard time letting go of past relationships and letting love and he is going through a difficult tiem in his life.it just wasnt a healthy relationship. im just having a really really hard time getting over him even though i know i deserve better.
there is another aspie guy tha ti kind of like now but i just broke up 2 weeks ago with my last bf and i got really depressed hanging out with the new guy and comparing it to my last relationship.
i dont want my feelings for my ex to get in the way forever or ill become even more suicidal.
i also have a crush on this girl who funny enough dosent have aspergers.

i just want to know what to do! i want a relationship book for as-as or for someone who has as not for the partner who has as(normally a guy)

I have learned one thing from my husband... just because someone is good, or even great, at being social does not mean that he actually wants to be social all the time. My husband is right between introversion and extroversion, so there are times when I have to beg him to use his amazing social skills to my advantage and help get me out of the house... about every 2 or so months, that is. He is basically my social crutch... I drag him along when I hang out with my friends so that, if I can't get a conversation started, I know he will.

btw... I got my husband to take that Baron Cohen Autism Quotient... while I got a 33, he got a 7. Isn't a 7 pretty low? Even for an NT? That's why I am hesitant to say he's an NT... because I do not see him as being all that typical--he's more like a social genius. I wonder how many people would get that low of a score...

Personally I have huge success in an AS + NT relationship.

It was rather simple to fix 99% of communication problems.

"Now, I'm somewhat bad at reading non-verbal cues, and may give inaccurate non-verbal cues myself. I will take my best effort to understand you, and all I ask in return is that you meet me halfway and try to understand me. If there is ANYTHING important, whatsoever, always communicate it verbally and literally. Never expect for me to "just know" what is wrong. It is NEVER my desire to hurt you, or neglect your feelings; and if you can communicate them to me correctly, I will always pay attention to them."

The other 1% is fixed by "No really, I'm sorry for the miscommunication, I really meant this."

Of course, for this technique to work in a relationship, it requires that you actually properly reward the Neurotypical for communicating in a verbal and literal fashion. Make it into a psychological Skinner Box (Press a button, get a piece of food). The neurotypical takes the effort to communicate unambiguously? Then you need to immediately take the effort to reward them by responding to that communication in the most sympathetic manner that you can muster.

This helps suppress the neurotypical's desire to communicate in a non-verbal fashion, because they receive significantly more positive feedback from unambiguous communications. Eventually it becomes second nature for the neurotypical to communicate with you without using non-verbal cues.

Of course, if you DO happen to coincidently read a neurotypical's non-verbal cue, that doesn't mean you should ignore it in an effort to strengthen the reinforcement. Negative reinforcement should NEVER come into play in a relationship; only use positive reinforcement. A better alternative is to verbally question if you read their non-verbal correctly, and verbally express enough confusion to reinforce that you desire to fulfill their needs, while simultaneously reinforcing that you almost failed to fulfill their need because they communicated ambiguously. This helps make them chose a superior communication method on subsequent occasions.