Board index › General Discussion › General Autism Discussion

What did I say wrong?

Page 2 of 3 [ 34 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2, 3  Next

Previous topic | Next topic

random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 2:59 am

Arman_Khodaei wrote:
random16 wrote:
Arman_Khodaei wrote:
My mom is like this sometimes as well. She thinks my behaviors are wrong sometimes just because. You're mom was trying to make something that you were doing seem weird. To be honest, it sounds like you were doing the social norms and didn't do anything wrong. You should congratulate yourself for doing a good job. Parents sometimes don't see how we've grown. It's like they see us through tunnel vision.


How can I congratulate myself when I walked out of their looking like a complete idiot? Or at least thats what it seems like.


Yes, you were made to look like a complete fool, but you weren't. So, congratulate yourself for keeping your dignity, doing what was right, and doing what was appropriate for the situation.

And, perhaps you're right. Perhaps, you're not on the autism spectrum, and you're mom has convinced herself that you are. But, this is more like a distorted vision on your mom's behalf. Unable to see you for who you are which is a darn shame.


Thanks for the kind words. From now on i'll just ignore the way they act around me and be confident in myself until I get into a music course I want to do on the other side of Australia so we won't see each other again.



random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 3:02 am

Cassia wrote:
I think that was a perfectly reasonable question to ask based on what you've said of the circumstances. "How do you guys know each other" is a fairly standard question I ask when I'm meeting someone for the first time through a friend or family member (well, I'm more sure I do it with friends, but I'd probably do it with a family member too.)


I agree. I've asked the question before to people I don't know and it was never weird until now.



Chronos
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Apr 2010
Age: 45
Gender: Female
Posts: 8,698

17 Dec 2010, 3:22 am

random16 wrote:
My mum comes into my room and tells me she wants me to meet her friend.

I say ok, walk out there, say hello, shake her hand, "nice to meet you" and all that.

After thats done I stand there and say, "so, how do you and my mum know each other?"

She goes to answer then my sister laughs at me (shes got a superiority complex because of how my mum made sure to tell my family why I wasn't as good as a "normal" person a long time ago) and tells me the answer along with my mum. They're both looking at me awkwardly as if I'd said the most ret*d thing in the world and I THINK that made her friend awkward too. Then my mum says to me, "ok, you're off the hook, you can go now". As if I was begging to leave and am too weird to be in peoples company.

I walked off really angry (obviously I didn't show them that).

I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 4-5. It never applied to me and my doctor agreed so it was removed after I turned 18 although my mum tried to stop me. I go to a university in which nobody knows my background so it's like I have 2 lives, one where I get respect and one where everybody acts like i'm the walking version of apsergers syndrome on wikipedia.

So am I truly that clueless and did something wrong here? I speak in exactly the same way at university and I can make friends easily.

Please tell me if i'm socially ret*d or if it's just my family thinking they're better than me so everything I say will sound stupid to them even if it's something they would say.


No. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother and sister just have some preconceived notion of you.

Upon preparing to attend my cousin's wedding a while back, my mother told me that my grandmother said I had better not wear my boots. I actually have fairly good fashion sense now, from years of improving upon it, at least as far as formal events go, and it had not occurred to me to wear my boots as I know that is not appropriate footwear to wear to a wedding.



random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 3:29 am

Chronos wrote:
random16 wrote:
My mum comes into my room and tells me she wants me to meet her friend.

I say ok, walk out there, say hello, shake her hand, "nice to meet you" and all that.

After thats done I stand there and say, "so, how do you and my mum know each other?"

She goes to answer then my sister laughs at me (shes got a superiority complex because of how my mum made sure to tell my family why I wasn't as good as a "normal" person a long time ago) and tells me the answer along with my mum. They're both looking at me awkwardly as if I'd said the most ret*d thing in the world and I THINK that made her friend awkward too. Then my mum says to me, "ok, you're off the hook, you can go now". As if I was begging to leave and am too weird to be in peoples company.

I walked off really angry (obviously I didn't show them that).

I was diagnosed with aspergers at age 4-5. It never applied to me and my doctor agreed so it was removed after I turned 18 although my mum tried to stop me. I go to a university in which nobody knows my background so it's like I have 2 lives, one where I get respect and one where everybody acts like i'm the walking version of apsergers syndrome on wikipedia.

So am I truly that clueless and did something wrong here? I speak in exactly the same way at university and I can make friends easily.

Please tell me if i'm socially ret*d or if it's just my family thinking they're better than me so everything I say will sound stupid to them even if it's something they would say.


No. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother and sister just have some preconceived notion of you.

Upon preparing to attend my cousin's wedding a while back, my mother told me that my grandmother said I had better not wear my boots. I actually have fairly good fashion sense now, from years of improving upon it, at least as far as formal events go, and it had not occurred to me to wear my boots as I know that is not appropriate footwear to wear to a wedding.


I know what you mean. Even worse is when they have a preconvieved notion of you from something they've heard about autism which has absolutely nothing to do with you.



Shadi2
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 9 Nov 2010
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,237

17 Dec 2010, 3:40 am

I don't think you said anything wrong. Since they are your mom and your sister tho maybe you could ask them directly why they reacted that way? its strange :(


_________________
That's the way things come clear. All of a sudden. And then you realize how obvious they've been all along. ~Madeleine L'Engle


random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 4:22 am

Shadi2 wrote:
I don't think you said anything wrong. Since they are your mom and your sister tho maybe you could ask them directly why they reacted that way? its strange :(


It's because they think they're better than me and everything I say is weird even if it's completely normal. At least that's what i've decided to believe. Talking to them about anything would just be awkward for the same reason that having thi discussion with my mums friend was awkward.



Maje
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,802

17 Dec 2010, 5:14 am

I think it may have been too interested because you were only supposed to say hello, and not to start a small talk.
If I would visit some friend and she has a daughter or son, and I would have the same situation as your mothers friend I would maybe find the situation strange. It depends... because I dont know if you were sitting or standing and if the situation was inviting to more talk than just "hello, nice to meet you, yes sure etc..."



Maje
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,802

17 Dec 2010, 5:18 am

By the way: my mother also uses to "read" me wrong and treat me in a way that forces me into a situation which is only made by her, and its soooooooo annoying :evil:



random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 6:39 am

Maje wrote:
I think it may have been too interested because you were only supposed to say hello, and not to start a small talk.
If I would visit some friend and she has a daughter or son, and I would have the same situation as your mothers friend I would maybe find the situation strange. It depends... because I dont know if you were sitting or standing and if the situation was inviting to more talk than just "hello, nice to meet you, yes sure etc..."


What's the point of meeting someone if the whole purpose of your meeting them is to NOT ever get to know more than their name?

My sister was in the kitchen with her, my mum went into my room and got me to come meet her. If I didn't say anything it would've been an awkward silence and I guess the same result would have occurred.

Wouldn't they all be more autistic than me if they think meeting someone is saying hello and walking off after an awkward silence?



Janissy
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 5 May 2009
Age: 58
Gender: Female
Posts: 6,450
Location: x

17 Dec 2010, 8:04 am

Chronos wrote:
No. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother and sister just have some preconceived notion of you.

.


I agree with this.

Your question was a very typical question that people use to get small talk going. The friend was just about to answer it and the small talk would then be underway. Your mom and your sister think you are incapable of small talk (this is my guess) and so they jumped in to end the conversation because they thought it would become a botched small talk fiasco. They should have backed off and let the small talk conversation progress naturally on its' own. It would have been fine. Your opening question is just the sort of thing anyone would say. But your mom and your sister have probably become used to "saving" you in this unhelpful way and it's just a habit.



Maje
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 20 Oct 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Female
Posts: 2,802

17 Dec 2010, 8:27 am

Janissy wrote:
Chronos wrote:
No. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother and sister just have some preconceived notion of you.

.


I agree with this.

Your question was a very typical question that people use to get small talk going. The friend was just about to answer it and the small talk would then be underway. Your mom and your sister think you are incapable of small talk (this is my guess) and so they jumped in to end the conversation because they thought it would become a botched small talk fiasco. They should have backed off and let the small talk conversation progress naturally on its' own. It would have been fine. Your opening question is just the sort of thing anyone would say. But your mom and your sister have probably become used to "saving" you in this unhelpful way and it's just a habit.


I have to say that I agree with this too if I think about it, sorry for my first assumption. This one is really more likely!



random16
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 16 Dec 2010
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 25

17 Dec 2010, 8:48 am

Janissy wrote:
Chronos wrote:
No. You did not do anything wrong. Your mother and sister just have some preconceived notion of you.

.


I agree with this.

Your question was a very typical question that people use to get small talk going. The friend was just about to answer it and the small talk would then be underway. Your mom and your sister think you are incapable of small talk (this is my guess) and so they jumped in to end the conversation because they thought it would become a botched small talk fiasco. They should have backed off and let the small talk conversation progress naturally on its' own. It would have been fine. Your opening question is just the sort of thing anyone would say. But your mom and your sister have probably become used to "saving" you in this unhelpful way and it's just a habit.


I'd say in part you're correct but also I think they in a way already thought i'd stuffed up since my sister laughed and both acted as if they were embarrassed for me.

My sister hates me, we haven't had a real conversation in about 6 years though we live in the same house. If we ever got into an argument the end result would be, "at least I don't have aspergers syndrome". I feel sorry for her honestly since my mum made her this way.

My mum on the other hand could be trying to "save" me as she honestly believes she's a good parent even though everything she does achieves the exact opposite of what would actually help me.



kfisherx
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 3 Nov 2010
Age: 61
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,192

17 Dec 2010, 9:47 am

me thinks we are only hearing ONE side to this story. Obviously something (perhaps in the translation even) is missing...



Followthereaper90
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 29 Apr 2008
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,780
Location: finland

17 Dec 2010, 11:04 am

i dont get it ..why he would look like awkward ..it went perfectly right


_________________
followthereaper until its time to make a turn,
followthereaper until point of no return-children of bodom-follow the reaper


ooOoOoOAnaOoOoOoo
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 18 Jun 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 12,265

17 Dec 2010, 11:14 am

I can't believe they would all laugh at you for asking that question! I don't see anything awkward or unusual about that inquiry.



Lene
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Nov 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,452
Location: East China Sea

17 Dec 2010, 12:56 pm

It's a question usually reserved for awkward fathers sounding out their daughter's boyfriend for the first time, or for a girl fishing for info on her friend's new crush.

It's basically an enquiry usually asked in a specific context (re: dating) and probably sounded a little odd coming from a young man to his mum's platonic female friend.

But it honestly isn't a big deal at all & not half as hilarious as they seem to think :? (unless you had your hand on her hips & said it in a gruff paternal voice... then yeah, it would be :D )