Is this normal when going to a club?

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Shadi2, you pretty much nailed it. It simply baffled me why anyone would want to drive for 30 minutes and spend extra money, for no reason. At the club, the dance floor was in the next room, yet no one except me wanted to go there. (And I thought NTs enjoyed that stuff.)

The "Emperor's New Clothes" analogy from my previous post fits extremely well. I must have been the only one who was willing to admit how pointless it was going to that club if we weren't going do anything different than back at the chicken wing place. After a while, I stopped pretending to enjoy myself, and said "you're right, not at all" when someone in the group asked "you don't look like you're having a good time?". I tried to leave early more than once, but then they threw out the "no, we want you to stay" line. (May I ask what for?)

I still plan to meet the guys from the old job for lunch and maybe watching sports at someone's house, but I will turn down all invites to clubbing with them from now on.

I have this problem all the time, nightclub or not. Often I can't figure out the meaning of what they said ever.

Does it make sense? Absolutely not. Is it normal? Yes.

It is exactly things like that, and so many others, that made me realise that I don't just feel like an outsider, I actually am one, and will always be, at least in any group who does things like that, and unfortunately it seems many if not most NT groups do things like that. It would make more sense if the restaurant had been very boring, and the club very cool with the arcade and TVs there instead, I mean especially since they didn't want to dance.

The fact that they asked you to stay tho, eventho it was annoying for you because you were bored, was their way to include you (I think) and/or let you know they enjoyed your presence, so it was nice of them. But it would have been nicer if one or two of them had been willing to dance a little after you mentioned it.

Either way I think its more enjoyable, at least for me, when there is some kind of activity other then just talking, especially if people keep talking about people I don't know and events in their life that I can't care about since I dont know them lol (like "hey did you know John bought a new house!" ... not to be mean but I don't know John, and don't care about his new house lol).

And back to you ... the lunch and watching sports sounds good to me, not that watching sports is my favorite activity (which doesn't matter because this is about you not me lol), but it is a way to socialise without having to talk constantly, which is nice. But yeah the clubbing part sounds boring as heck, I probably wouldn't go either, unless you are looking for a date, and a nice new female co-worker is invited too lol who knows what it could lead to.

Last edited by Shadi2 on 20 Dec 2010, 9:36 am, edited 1 time in total.

You should've asked them to dance that's not abnormal. I don't know, if you don't enjoy it I guess you probably just shouldn't do it.

I tried to ask them multiple times. They told me "it's nice to just sit and chill", and pretty much brushed off my idea. I gave up after that; trying to explain that spending money on valet and admission to only sit and talk, would be as futile as explaining to Lindsay Lohan that DUI is not a good idea. And going to dance by myself was out of the question, because I didn't want to look creepy. One guy in the group suggested I do just that, but I knew better.

Them asking me to stay because they supposedly enjoyed my presence seems pretty questionable. After all, they knew I was having a bad time, so why exactly would they want me to stay? Either their conscience was telling them not to kick someone out or they needed a bored person on the scene to feel superior. While they rambled on and on about people I never even heard of, I chain-smoked cigarettes, compulsively looked at my watch, and counted ceiling tiles.

I suppose they were being polite by asking you to stay. It's not weird tho. there are lots of NT types i know that would prefer to chill in a quiet pub than pay to go in a nightclub. each to their own

I think they do it for the ambiance-- the music, the people, the 'energy' in the room. I've gone to clubs several times, but I've never done anything aside from, well, sit around and drink. An old friend of mine used to use me as a wingman, and used to teach me how to pick up girls at a club. Granted, I never really tried.

While I did quickly tire of the loud music, I did enjoy people-watching... Though that's all I would do.

On one occasion I was approached by newlywed and her cast of bachelorette friends and asked for my phone number... I gave them a fake one and sent them on their way. I said to my friend "Haha, I gave them a fake one" and he almost lost it. Why am I going to give them my number? I get enough text messages from Facebook, thanks.

Yeah that's possible too, I just don't know, I just know I would have been bored to death too.

Thinking they were being nice is just typical of me, always thinking the best of people until they prove me wrong.

Well if I didn't know someone very well I probably wouldn't tell them I didn't enjoy their presence so I guess they were trying to be nice.

@Aspie1

I'm only 16 so I'm not used to go dancing, but I want to know: why is it creepy to go dancing alone?

I used to go to clubs alot when I was in my late teens/early 20s. But I was always drunk or on drugs back then, so it didn't bother me. Now, I can't stand going to clubs. The crowdedness and lights are too much. I don't mind going to restaraunts or bars so long as they aren't too crowded and I'm with a close-knit group of people who make decent conversation. When it veers into butt kissing and professional networking and stuff like that, I tune out completely.

Being a long while since you last hung out with them, maybe they weren't used to including you in conversation. And maybe there were levels of communication going on that you were not aware of, and that is part of why you were excluded.

Though you expected conversation, Did you also expect to dance? Maybe next time if you get bored, go and dance anyway. Who knows, your friends may join you or you may even attract the attention of a lovely woman! And if nothing happens, You've done something you enjoy instead of sitting around bored.

Do your friends understand you can get bored with conversation? Did you communicate with them that you desired more than 2 hours of sitting around talking, and what you wanted to do? Maybe if your friends understood this they would include you more in conversation. Or not mind if you left them for the dance floor.