Actually realised NT's struggle too

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I knew that NT's would struggle in life too but I always thought that it wouldn't be as bad for them because they didn't have autism.
Well there were two people that made me think.
One person was my friend who had a break down over chronic back pain. Her medication was denied to her because she may have developed an addiction to it.
The second person has anxiety. He is a pretty well known singer though and I thought he of all people should know how to talk to people.
These two people pretty much stopped and I kept thinking 'but they haven't got what I got.'
Then suddenly it hit me that just because they haven't got what I got doesn't mean their issues are any less than mine.
There problems to them might be as impairing as my sensory overload or aversion to change.
I don't break down over pain and I can't understand why this person is anxious, but I do know these problems were serious enough to make these people not function well.

I can't believe it took me this long to realise it.

Dont worry about not realizing that now...it is easy when you struggle alot to get inwardly focused on your suffering and not see the world's suffering. But one thing to concider for your newfound realization...a whole religion was founded on the idea that life is suffering...buddhism
Everyone suffers in one way or another. I never met anyone who did not suffer to some degree or another.

If I dont see you again before Christmas, Merry Christmas!!

I try to have as much empathy as I can with others, I've found people always have troubles I didn't know about. You never know what kind of personal battles people are waging, I know people who seem very happy with others socially, but privately are miserable. It's easy to think of them like you would spoiled rich kids, but everyone has to deal with their brain, I find there is really nothing typical at all with those who people call NT's.

Some people never realize it. You're doing great We're all on our own path, everyone struggles at some point, and even the people who seem to most have it together struggle as well.

Congratulations on your new perception. As one of the posters said, some of us never get it. Don't whack yourself for how long it took. I'm 58 and still learning things that surprise me because I should have always known them.

The hard part for me is to realize and remember other people's struggles are just as difficult for them (or at least can be) as mine are for me.

I think everybody has their share of problems, whether they are NT or not. In some cases those problems simply are not as obvious as in others. NTs may think differently from us people on the spectrum, but sometimes they are having a hard time as well. It's just that for many of them their mental defenses work better than for many of us.

That's one of the reasons why I try not to treat NTs differently from people on the spectrum (and vice versa). Everybody deserves to be respected with all the many aspects of his/her personality. (and respect is what I try to give to everyone I meet.)

I think it's a good thing that you had a similar realisation, pensieve. Maybe it will help you to be more relaxed around NTs in the future, knowing that they are not perfect either.

Yeah, I think I might be better around people knowing that they do have problems too. I mean there will still be my awkwardness when not knowing what to say and acting oddly. NT's try to manage their problems and can probably do it better than us and they keep it all hidden. With me it's all out there in the open. I wonder if people envy me for that? I used to hide my feelings and it's worse than just letting it all go and trying not to care what people thought about me. I rarely have as much anxiety as I used to have. It's more anxiety about sensory things or adjusting to change.

My sister deals with so many things day after day, year after year. With all the things that she has on her plate, I'm afraid that she's going to have a mental break down. She's really tough. I wonder how she manages to stay so tough. It's like her and I are complete opposites. She's the tough nut, and I'm the sensitive one.

From what I have read of you on WP, I think you have quite a lot of things to deal with as it is. Hiding your feelings might be more of an effort and yield les of a result than is worth it. As long as you try not to offend people and not to violate the social rules in too outrageous a way, I think that showing your feeling is all right. It might make you more vulnerable to some people who like to figure out the weaknesses of others and to exploit them, but all in all, I think you can use your energy better than to try to behave in a way that does not feel right to you.

I have been told by NTs on more than one occasion that they like my open way of interaction. Sometimes they don't understand me, but by and large openness seems to be something that NTs appreciate. (Openess does not equal socially blunt behaviour, of course.)

Being open about your feelings is certainly a much better option than trying to hide your feelings and failing and thus putting the NTs around you on edge and making them consider you dishonest. I'd say, as long as you feel all right with it and do not intentionally offend anybody with your behaviour it is all right not to make a greater effort to outwardly act like an NT.

I realize that NT's struggle as well. I've met NT's with chronic depression and/or bipolar disorder. It seems they have it worse than me because society doesn't consider depression or bipolar a real neurological difference but rather a personal weakness. I have both aspergers and chronic depression, yet in terms of dealing with problems or needing services, society and people in general are more likely to see the aspergers as a legitimate disability. It seems severely depressed people can't even get even SSI. If they can't hold down a job and have no family willing to support them they have the option turning themselves in to the mental ward for life or committing suicide. In the US it seems society is prejudiced against all kinds of differences and illnesses which are more mental than physical.

I have known even NTs struggle too, there are some out there that have tons of health problems and struggle in life while here is me doing so well in my life. I have a supportive family and not all of them have one who is. Then there are people who have mental conditions like Bipolar or schizophrenia or learning difficulties. I know just because someone doesn't have AS doesn't mean they don't struggle in life nor have anything wrong with them.

This may not quite relate to the actual topic, but I can relate to this. I get confused by neurology every day.
All of my family (except me) are NTs, and so are most of my friends and colleagues. But even they give out traits of AS what I'd never thought an NT would have. Although I'm not the sort to think ''Aspies have this problem but NTs never will'' or, ''you meet one NT you met them all'', I still often go, ''huh? But I thought only Aspies done that!'' each time an NT does something typical of an Aspie.
My uncle, for example, is an NT, but he doesn't seem to have any sense of empathy, and he can't seem to put himself into other people's shoes. When people look unhappy and they tell him why, he doesn't really empathise. He just criticises, or tells them to ''stop whining and get a life,'' which is not always what you say to someone who has a problem what is beyond their control. Also he has 2 dogs, and he brings them round people's and doesn't seem to care if the other person isn't happy with 2 dogs running around their house, getting hair and dirt everywhere (especially if you don't own a dog yourself). He doesn't even ask or anything - he just expects that just because he has a messy home with 2 dogs, it means everyone else doesn't care about how untidy their home is.

I have another uncle too (on my dad's side this time), and because his girlfriend gets a little anxious or emotional at times and needs comfort and understanding, he doesn't seem to like it. Instead he just storms out of the room when she get a little emotional (she does have a lot of problems, one of her problems is one of her relatives is very ill and is dying).

And often I think to myself, ''but I thought only Aspies can't empathise or can't think of how others might feel?''

I don't think I ever looked up to NTs, mostly I feel sorry for them, and for me it's more a question of whether they're just as unhappy as we are, or worse. I've even heard that kids with Downs Syndrome are often more joyful than NTs, and that if you work with them, they'll make you happy too.

Isn't autism revered in some cultures?

Everybody struggles, really. The question is more what kind of struggles do they deal with on a day to day basis. I used to envy those people around me, thinking that they had it easier. "If only I were just a little more..." That kind of mentality never really helped me, though, and I realized over time that it was a classic case of the grass being greener on the other side. I suspect that once you get over to the other side, that grass doesn't look as good as it once did. While there are people who truly seem to do well in life and get by with minimal struggles, I think they are probably in the minority. The deeper you look, the more you'll find out (and be surprised about). Nowadays I have no desire to switch lives with anyone.

I would, however, still like my own instant teleport device and I'd really like my own clone...

Sometimes some members wade through this site thinking that NTs have no problems with anything whatsoever - even I have done before. But that's not true, because everyone has problems. I have a lot of uncles and aunties and cousins, and they're all NTs, but they all have problems. One of my cousins has morbid depression over nothing much. One of my uncles has split up from his wife and is now getting grief from her. And I could go on and on, explaining all of their problems, and my problems are no different to theirs. I'm on job-seekers, so I've got to go there every 2 weeks, which I'm not happy with - but who is happy when they've got to go and sign on? Everybody I know hates going to the job centre, so that's a ''normal'' problem I have.
I only have one problem which is driving everyone crazy, and that is my anxiety of being out in the street. Each time I pass people, I keep thinking they think I look weird and stupid and ugly, and it makes me so upset and anxious. And each time I say this to my mum or some other relatives, they sigh and say, ''they're NOT looking at you! It's your imagination!'' And I don't know if it is or not. My family say that I need serious therapy on this, which I'm going to get. But I bet even the therapists would look at me and say, ''is that all you're worrying about? Just a few people looking at you in the street? Who cares?'' But nobody knows how much is disturbs me. So I guess that is a big problem which is unique to the majority of NTs.
Otherwise, all my other problems are the same as what NTs struggle with too.