Giving off vibes

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People do stupid things is all I can figure, and they are curious about things that are unknown to them. I don't think we get more stares than most other people do, I just think that we are often more keenly aware of the stares because we very often very conscious that we do not know what to do in response - or that we might have to respond. Other people just ignore or respond, but they do it without having to think about it.

Don't let people get to you. You are a great person, and from everything I have read so far, you give off wonderful vibes.

I do the same thing.

Thank you.

What you have wrote has actually made me feel better. This morning when I was waiting in the bus stop with some other people, somebody walked past and the people all looked at him as he was walking past, and he wasn't looking weird or anything. So maybe it's just a natural thing to do. Maybe I even do it more than I think. People just like to check eachother out - just like dogs check other dogs out and cats check other cats out. Even ants check other ants out in ant's nests.

I always get the feeling that people are staring at me as well, but I think it has more to do with the social anxiety that alot of people with AS share. Are they staring at me because they have a problem? Do they think I'm weird? Do they think I dress funny? Do I smell? I can't help but think these things everytime somebody stares me down, but I think we tend to get more anxious in these situations than other people. It's more than likely that people just see another person and stare out of curiousity. People with autism may just suspect that those stares are a judgement of them.

I hope that's true. My mum says she gets odd looks, but she's NT. And my NT friend said that most people crave to be stared at because they like to know they're noticed, no matter what kind of look they get. That sounds interesting.....

But I must say, my clothes don't give off anything negative. I have a long parka coat (which is the fashion where I come from) and a nice trendy handbag what I keep on my shoulder, and I often wear skinny jeans and boots, which are fashionable. And I just wear nice trendy jackets, T-shirts, hoodies, and jumpers in the warmer weather, which aren't any different to what other people wear, so it's nothing to do with my clothes.

But I do hope the staring is natural and nothing personal.

It's actually usually something fairly simple, such as:

1. Moving in a way others do not move.
2. Failing to move in a way others do move.
3. Oddities of posture, gait, and/or gaze.
4. Reacting to things in your environment others don't react to.
5. Failing to react to things in your environment others react to.

All of these things can be quite subtle and are rarely things an autistic person is conscious of doing. And nonautistic people are usually not conscious of exactly what is different about you. That's why you're probably not aware of them. I'm only aware of these things after spending a really long time working it out.

Also, try videotaping yourself. You may not be able to see what looks different about you, but then you might be surprised how obvious it is.

Personally it took me a long time to figure out how much I stood out because I can't perceive staring easily and I was so used to being picked on I didn't notice that anything was unusual about it. Then when I did figure it out I didn't know why it was happening.

So I videotaped myself. It was a huge surprise. I leaned forward when I walked, I held my arms up by my sides with my wrists dangling down my hands, my arms didnt swing, my facial expression was totally blank, and my eyes looked blank as well. Even I could tell that looked weird.

Visibly disabled people do get more stares than usual. I know I do because nondisabled people tell me I do when we go out. I can't see stares myself.

But I know I must look different because ever since early adolescence I haven't been able to go out alone without people calling the cops to report a "ret*d" person "wandering". Even if I say I'm okay when they ask (if they bother asking). Sometimes they follow me to make sure I don't go anywhere wrong, chattering on their cell phones the whole time. They mean well but they drive me up the wall. Other times people just call me ree-tard or mess with me. So I know I have to look weird to get all that kind of responses so consistently.

People don't go that far with me. And I read somewhere that Aspies look like child molesters or something - which I don't because people are always standing near me with their kids in the bus station. I even had a mum put her toddler in the seat next to me on a crowded bus, and she stood in the aisle.

Also, I don't look ret*d either. I think I just look so unconfident all the time. Today a man was walking in front of me and 3 people were coming along the other way, and they walked in single file when they passed the man in front of me, but when they get to me they didn't walk in single file - they practically walked into me.

And with my posture - I don't know about that. I walk up straight, and I walk with one hand on my shoulder holding the strap of my handbag (which I see almost every woman doing), and the other arm moving, like I see everyone else doing, so there's no difference there. I'm often looking down at the ground when I'm walking along, because I'm afraid I'll trip over something - which will make me look even more stupid.


So I think it's just the unconfident expression on my face I hold - but I really don't see how having that sort of expression on my face causes people to look, because I'm still acting normal.

But I don't get it. When I was a child, I used to be afraid of dogs, and everyone used to say that a dog can sense fear, and so when I got to a teenager I had learnt to stay cool as I walked past a dog. I never cowered away or looked at it, and now they never try to jump at me or anything. So I thought it was the same with people. If I'm walking along minding my own business and wearing nice clothes and giving some impressions that I'm just an ordinary person, I don't see why people have to sense anything.
And yesterday, I saw a really fat person who could hardly walk, and she was looking very miserable, and was wearing clothes what really did not suit her size or look very nice on her, and I bet no-one looked at her. And I'm tall-ish, very slim, attractive, and I still get odd looks. I don't really know how I started this silly obsession, because people looking at me never entered my head, even just 2 years ago. But now that anxiety has suddenly come, it's hard to stop worrying about it, if you know what I mean.

The reason why I've become upset about getting odd looks is because I keep thinking people are watching me all the time, and that I look weird when I'm not even doing anything weird, and how judgemental people really are. And I always take it so personally. Like the other day I was waiting for my bus in the bus station, and there were people standing either side of me, and this old man got off another bus, and as he stepped off I felt somebody looking at me, so I turned round I saw that he was looking at me, no-one else around me, just me, and it wasn't a flirty look or anything, because he was an elderly man. I looked at the girl standing near me, and she looked no different to me. I wish people would leave me alone! Even it is the expression in my face, why would it cause them to look, if I'm not doing anything weird or wrong? I thought people only got odd looks if they are showing themselves up in public. If I was crouched under a bench or something, then yes, people will look. But when I'm just sitting there minding my own business and looking as cool as the next person, I can't see what the problem is. I thought it was normal to have a solemn expression on the face anyway, because I see other people with a face like thunder all the time, but it doesn't cause me to stare at them.

And also, (I don't know if I mentioned this before in this thread), when it was last snowing my foot just kept on slipping, but these two people behind me were watching me and laughing at me each time my foot slipped, and their laugh was that horrible piss-taking snigger, as though they have never seen somebody slip before, and also as though they thought I was a spastic because I was slipping. It's horrible being watched and laughed at while you're trying your hardest to walk on an icy path. That's why I HATE cold winters.
But after that I kept thinking to myself, ''would they laugh at anyone else who were in front of them slipping about, or do people just capture me because I look so stupid all the time?'' If that's the case, then it is very offensive.

I'm sure I give off a weird vibe, because I'm always too busy staring at other people. I observe people all the time, everywhere, old and young, beautiful and ugly. I just find it interesting and fun. I used to be an artist and drew pictures of people all the time.

Don't worry. It's perfectly fine for people to look at you. I bet you look pretty good if you keep catching everyone's eyes. Besides, most "normal" people are social. To them other people are the most interesting thing to watch when they're bored, much more exciting to look than sidewalk, road signs, grass and clouds.

*Oh and try some of those rubber thingy with metal studs on them that you slip under your shoes for icy roads. Sorry I forgot what they're called. I'm super careful on ice, too and probably waddle funny. However since I got some really good boots I never worry about walking on ice any more.

People do the same thing with me. I always feel people staring at me and when I look at them, they are! Especially little kids for some reason. Like if I'm standing in line and there is a 4 year old in front of me, the child will STARE blatantly at me for the longest time. It's always been like this. I must also give off a weird vibe that people find strange. Maybe it's the way I carry myself or the way I set my eyes downward. I've looked in the mirror for years trying to figure out what is so darn ugly about me lol but I'm always convinced, ok I'm no model but I'm not UGLY, at least I don't think I am. So over the years I've learned that it must be something else. Learning I had autism made me realize ok it's probably my body language and the way I carry myself (I'm very rigid and stiff) Perhaps that is what they find so interesting? I'll never know because I lack the social skills to ask them! I learned I also have a strange way of looking at things, also. I tilt my head sort of and look at things in my perephrial vision and I look around in like quick glances and I never stare at something for too long unless I zone out.

I bet you aren't ugly at all. I'm generally attractive but I still seem to get odd looks, so attractiveness doesn't come into it anyway. Just today when I got on the bus and went up the aisle to find a seat, a woman sitting at the front looked right up at me as I passed her - I saw it in the corner of my eye. But I wasn't doing anything to make people look. I was even smiling slightly because I liked the driver (who doesn't seem to notice any vibes about me), but I still got on as normal, except I was smiling, so I didn't do anything to make people look. Then when the bus stopped at the next stop, I looked at the woman (who sat a few seats in front of mine) to see if she looked up at anyone else who passed - and she didn't. And by Christ, the most weirdest-looking person got on. He was a big, fat man, with all bits of food caught in his beard, and he wore a dirty coat which looked unwashed, and he even walked with a funny limp. Then after him got on a pretty girl, with a nice coat on, and looked very cool, and she didn't look up at her either. So it can't be a compliment if she looked up at me because she didn't look up at other nice young girls, so perhaps I'm weirder and stupider than the dirty man who got on.

One day I am going to lash out and yell, ''what is everybody's problem?! Will you just leave me alone?! If you REALLY don't like some invisible difference in me, can you please tell me what it is?!'' I wonder what they will say to that! They will probably say, ''ohh, finally, that stupid, weird-looking girl who is always skulking about on her own has finally stood her ground!''

Tsk! If only NTs realised how stupid they are by looking at somebody who gives off a stupid vibe without intentionally doing anything. I only look at people who are doing something odd - not people who are just standing there minding their own business. My auntie said she was upstairs in a shop with her friend (who didn't know me), and she looked out of a window down onto the street and saw me walking below on the pavement, and my auntie said that her friend said that I looked really ''cool''. That made me feel nice.

I walk up straight, with a trendy handbag over my shoulder, and I move my arms like everyone else does, and I wear skinny jeans with expensive fashionable boots, and I have a nice hairstyle..... I can't see anything wrong with me, and I read in a woman's magazine that dressing up presentable and having nice accessories and an attractive hairstyle helps to hide vibes, especially when you act natural (which I always do, I don't stim or pull funny faces or pace about or anything like that).

I know how you feel. i think people usually are good in sociaty at picking out the weaklings, losers, and rejects. its never going to change, flagstaff is becoming too metropolitian for me, why just today someone yelled out of there windows at me for no reason while i was walking.

its more than a little frustraiting. people act like animlas, with no brain. i mean what is the problem?

I haven't be diagnosed so I don't really tell anyone about it but my boss has mentioned to me more then once that I am very confusing to him and he doesn't understand how sometimes things that should bother me have no effect on me at all but then I sometimes freak out about things that shouldn't bother me at all.

My point of view is the things he does that cause change mostly to my on off time which bothers me because I hate change in comparison to him or other employ's making fun of me because honestly I have dealt with it my whole life and unless I am by myself nit picking, I don't let it get to me.

I'm starting to think I can't give off stupid or weird vibes for the following reasons:-

1. I often get stopped by a car-driver and got asked for directions to somewhere nearby. If I gave off stupid or weird vibes, I don't think they would want to ask somebody who looks weird or stupid when there are plenty of other people about to ask. I wouldn't.

2. People wouldn't want their kids to stand next to me or sit next to me on the bus. The other day the bus was crowded, and a woman put her 2-year-old in the seat next to me, told him to stay there, and went to find a seat somewhere else. If I looked weird, she wouldn't have sat her baby next to me. (Just in case you don't know, parents in the UK have gotten very, very paranoid about their kid's safety and well-being these days).

3. Policemen never look at me weird or funny, and policemen around where I live are on to you like a tone of bricks if you look at all like you're on drugs, drunk, look dodgy or ''iffy'', whatever, in the daytime.

Does it feel like they're burning holes in your back with their eyes? Or that they're plotting something? Thats how I feel all the time which is why I dislike leaving the house...