Tired after Social Activities

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lol.

I wish I could avoid.

Once you hit middle age people tend to stop bothering you about not socializing. You've already "failed" so they leave you alone. That's my experience anyway.

Yeah. And I found that if I kept pushing to keep going (in a social situation) I'd eventually have an intense sleepiness start to overcome me. I used to fight it, but I think it was my was brain telling me something important (slow down or take a break). I've since noticed that that happens in overloading, non-social situations, too, so I think it's a form of total shutdown. I think for at least some there's just a 'hard' limit, and there's not a lot you do about it.

I personally never found anything that lessened it, other than taking a break. I think Attwood wrote/said somewhere that taking a break every 20 minutes or so was his suggestion.

Social activities, even the short ones, even the ones with only a handful of people, wipe me out. Physically I'm fine, but mentally and emotionally I'm drained to the point of distress.
The only thing I've ever found that helps is isolation - every day after school or work I hole-up in my room for a few hours and de-compress the day so I can handle interaction with my family. If I spend a few hours alone before I go out to the events, that tends to keep me calmer and give me the endurance boost I need to make it through longer.

Shattered, exhausted and (sleepy) tired. Head full of conflict and noise.
About the longest I can safely manage at a "busy" social do (around 20 people, say) is 30 minutes.
I need to get home as quickly as possible and sit with low lighting in complete silence.

I had this problem with college and several jobs (all of which involved a lot of socializing). I had a lot of the intense sleepiness, and even fell asleep somewhat frequently. When I worked at a call center in 1995, I kept meaning to (and forgetting to) see a doctor about why all of a sudden I couldn't stay awake once I had a job.

I recently realized these could have easily been shutdowns, since I was having the same problems when the noise level around here kicked up to overloading levels.

Edit: one on one works pretty well, even a three way conversation is okay, if we're talking about one of my interests. One on one I can even come away not feeling exhausted after 30-60 minutes, but the longer it goes on and the more people involved, the more worn out and tired I get, and I hit that point where I can't keep it up. Even with my family I just go quiet or go back to a private place even if in the middle of a conversation.

Last edited by Verdandi on 27 Jan 2011, 6:42 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I also can only do short spans, 30 minutes or so. Eventually something switches and I just stop talking. I try to be polite if I can't escape (eg. around good friends or family), but there is just nothing left in me to give and I just sit there. All I want to do is put my head down on the table- The same as I wanted to do every second of school.

I need a lot of time alone to recharge. If I don't get it every single thing becomes an issue and I'm just living in a constant state of "catch up" and meltdown. I am trying to learn to respect my needs (and get others to) for this more.

Ha ha! It's funny because it's true! I can't remember the last time someone bothered me about not socializing.

As a mostly NT (?) introvert, I get worn out from socializing if it's with people who I don't really want to be socializing with. I'm a bit of a snob, perhaps, because that's most people.

The main thing that really exhaust me about socializing is feeling like I have to explain myself. Having to explain why I'm a stay-at-home-mom instead of "working". Having to explain why my opinions are different than theirs. I can't stand being around most other moms at school, because they make a lot of assumptions that just aren't true for me and my family. It makes me feel uncomfortable.

I take care of that problem by avoiding social situations where the people don't have similar interests to me. I never socialize merely for the sake of being around people, regardless of the topic.

A couple of years ago I had to go to some event for my husband's work. I was enjoying listening to my husband talk to a couple other engineers about engineering. But then someone's wife decided that she and I ought to be socializing. So I got stuck with this woman, who kept trying to have girl talk with me. She was quoting Oprah, and talking about being a soccer mom, as if she expected me to relate to her. I didn't at all, and that made me feel trapped. It also made me feel resentful, because I missed the more interesting interaction with my husband's coworkers.

On the other hand, I've recently joined a meet-up group where we read plays aloud with each other. I've enjoyed that the socializing in that group, because we're mostly talking about the play, and not having to answer judgmental inquiries about each others's lifestyle. I feel invigorated after that, but I think that's because we're all sharing an interest in theater arts.

I have a social obligation coming up. This Sunday my son's scout group is having Scout Sunday and the honor ceremony and luncheon at the church where the scout meetings are held. I am dreading it.

Pretend to only talk by paper? Bring a notepad or something, lol.

Kidding.

"Vaya con Dios"

(I must've learned that expression from movies, since it brings to mind a commando standing in the door of an airplane, about to parachute into dangerous territory )

yep being an introvert, socialization does wear me down. i usually get my social fill at work every day and i have to decompress with the rare occassion that i want to be out and about immediately after work.

You might've seen this, but it's an article about sleep-shutdown. It's formatted like a journal article, but now that I look at it it doesn't say it was published in a journal, which is too bad. It's at least some recognition that the sleepiness thing can be shutdown (maybe useful to explain it to a doctor or something?).

http://www.ingridloosmiller.com/files/SI-SDinAutism.pdf

I also find one-on-one a lot easier. Two people seem eight times harder for some reason. If it's 3 or more I find that sometimes I can have much more intermittent participation, since others will tend to keep the conversation going. But that also can end up with the conversation bouncing between the others so fast that I can't keep up and they drift off together.

I have seen that, and in fact I was trying to get the URL to show to a friend five minutes ago, so this is timely. That is what prompted the idea of what this could have been.

I remember several occasions while socializing in groups where I just zoned out and fell asleep, and I was pretty overstimulated from all the conversation going on around me, despite not participating heavily.

I have deliberately been in moderate sized groups (5-6) when running RPGs, but those are so structured and somewhat ritualized that it's a lot simpler to handle than a typical conversation - and when it became typical conversation I'd lose track as usual.

Oops, put the wrong link in my last message. This is the right one:

http://www.shutdownsandstressinautism.c ... Autism.pdf