Soft bullying

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When a kid in school teases you with something like "you are ugly", or "you are gay", or "you are a loser". The usual advice is "just ignore it". However an Aspie may not be able to follow this advice.
Because of the inability of the Aspie to have an appropriate response to the initial teasing, the kids in school pick up on the fact that the Aspie is being bothered by this teasing, and the teasing becomes a sort of soft bullying, like repeating the "you are ugly" or other phrase every day.
What is the best way to deal with this type of problem. Is going to the teacher and/or principal the only option?

I guess I don't see anything soft in the phrase "you're ugly". If it is happening regularly, with intent to cause distress, it is bullying, plain and simple. The important factor is how much distress is it actually causing. If it is affecting grades and other important things then something needs to change. Other wise sometimes ignoring really is the best option. Resilience is important to learn.

If it is pervasive, going to the administration may or may not work. Sometimes it just pushes it into a more sinister bullying that is harder to catch.

I learned to say 'i know' then try walkk away, therefore no argueing, wether it works for you, dot know.

its just one way bulys cause missery, theres different types of bullys, different methods of getting to people, all with the same goal. Physical is just one, think theres 6 other methods.

Soft, i know what you mean, computers - hardware, then theres software, and we all know the damage that it can cause.

Distress is not the only measure of badness. In high school and beyond I was bullied in ways I wasn't even aware of all the time. In one really memorable case a few people pretended to be my friends and convinced me I had a number of psychiatric conditions and to display traits of them. My shrink (the one who diagnosed me) caught on and tried to prohibit contact but I was so convinced they were friends it took me years to catch on. I now think what they did to me was horrific. But back then I had no clue. At one point I even thought they were teaching me new ways to socialize. Then later when I realized none of it was real I blamed myself 100% until people later pointed out how they manipulated me into it (they also showed me ways the same people manipulated others). Being passive and naive, with a tendency to blame myself for everything, as well as longing for the happiness my brother seemed to have with his friends I was an exceedingly easy target. I only fully got the picture after some real friends made friends with me and I saw the difference. Scarily some of these same people now have careers in psychiatry. But I think that was some of the worst bullying of my life, and I had little distress as it was happening. Obliviousness if anything makes it worse.

I responded to 'soft' bullying by caustic wit. This resulted in getting beat up. I found out I was passive by condition. My body would not respond to my want to defend myself. I could not create (ideation) any motions to fight back. Once my bullies figured this out, life really began to suck for me. The only thing that saved me was learning to shut up and topping 6'4" by 16.

I would vacate the premises. I would move on when people started bullying me. I have moved on hundreds of times in my life because of it. Of course, I had no idea I was autistic, or Asperger's Syndrome, and neither did they. They just see me as an easy mark, generous to a fault and far too easy to convince that the problem starts and ends with me and my behaviour.

Now, in my present employment, I realize some people think I am 'being sneaky' by 'trying to pass' as non autistic in a world of people that are prepared to 'make exceptions' for 'special' people, but are hostile if they are not 'clued in' that you are different so they can adjust their behaviour as to not embarrass themselves by teasing or taking advantage of you.

I have now been told that I should 'reveal' that I am 'different' in a protected way so they won't make a professional mistake of 'discrimination.' I suggested that was backward thinking. That one should not be teasing or taunting to anyone, not just those who are incapable of catching on to the social dynamic. That is when they finally confessed that they just can't wrap their heads around the idea that I am not doing it all on purpose, that they can't conceive that someone can live in the world and not just 'know' how to be with other people.

That was three months ago. Not one of those people have talked to me since. They don't make eye contact when we walk past each other in the halls, nor do they 'recognize' me in the elevator. For me it is easy to ignore them, and frankly, it is a relief. Perhaps it is as good as it is ever going to get?

Merle

I remember when I was 16 my friend was learning to drive we were in a car with his dad while my buddy was at the wheel. A group of kids who were playing hockey in the street kept calling us F@ggots as we drove by. The little savages had their bikes as the goals sitting in the middle of the road. On one of our passes the goalie did not move his bike to be a prick so my buddy ran it over and kept on driving. We never laughed so hard when those kids chased after us.

I never found it helpful to go to authority figures. It usually made things worse.

For me, what helped was to understand the dynamics of what you call "soft bullying", or which I called "bad teasing". In my case, it was rarely started by someone who was really popular or funny. It almost always was started by someone who was a bit of a social misfit himself. Generally, I found that my worst tormentors had lots of flaws themselves. So I found something funny to say about them. It's amazing what can happen if you say the right thing at the right time.

I hope this helps.

"Just ignore them" is terrible advice for everyone. They don't go away, and if they think they can get away with it with no consequences (frequently true for the people who bullied me) they'll keep it up for as long as they can.