The problem with blurting

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When I meet someone and I have to have a sustained conversation, I start blurting. I'm not sure if my past pattern of pained silence wasn't better. Does anyone know how to overcome this? I just experienced this not more than an hour ago. I walked away thinking why? why? why? can't I have a normally flowing conversation? This was not a romantic interest btw but someone who will be spending time with my son as a sort of mentor through a local church program.

Yes, me too. Sometimes I do one and then the other. A middle ground can only be maintained for a short time, and then something fatigues and I either blurt or go quiet. Sometimes I might say something that doesn't make sense, or go through motions in an attempt to socialize but it doesn't work.

I find myself doing a fair bit of blurting. I just let it go, after it happens, and aim to try better, the next time I'm with a group of people.

I disclose too much when I blurt.

This is one of my top problems. It's like: a) my mind moves too fast, and my mouth just goes; b) I have to say what I'm thinking; c) there's no filter for what I think versus what I say. I hate it.

Yeah this has amused people around me before but also has made me look like a real jerk at times. I have said many times to my loved ones that I seem to have some disorder that prevents me from filtering my outbursts. This was before I became more aware of Aspergers.

If what I say is really that bad i usually just apologize and tell the person that I have "poor filtering". Truthfully, most of my outbursts are met with laughter. I can't remember the last time I really offended someone that way.

You mean like answering the other teammates questions during trivial pursuit?

This person I was talking to was very nice. He is a middle school principal in a neighboring county and an ideal choice as a mentor for my son. My son's father is completely uninvolved and I've wanted a positive male role model. As a principal, he knew about Asperger's and as I was telling him about my son's particular struggles with socialization and executive function he suddenly asked me if my son blurted. I'm already seeming odd because of social nervousness and I'm talking too much and too fast and making only sporadic eye contact. So my response to that was yes and then start blurting about my own lifelong struggles that are so similar to my son's and how I think I might be on the spectrum too. I just met the man 10 minutes earlier for heaven sake. Anyway he just looked at me with a serious expression on his face and nodded. I did the same damned thing earlier this week when I ran into one of my son's friend's mother in a waiting room. All of the sudden I babbling about the amygdala.

If I talk too much I start blurting, so I talk very little.

btw-I never had this problem before I started taking anti-depressants. It's like the meds unloosened a hinge somewhere.

I can relate to this. It's why i'm always so controling and guarded and withdrawn.

I don't like how i am when i speak naturally, it wouldn't result in success at work and it would hurt/alienate people socially, so i don't do it. When i do do it, sometimes i can get away with it and people see another side to me and enjoy it, other times i cause myself a problem either becuase of the reaction of the other person, or becuase of how i feel about what i said and how i acted. I feel i give too much away or act in a way which works against the image i wish to portray, or i just feel stupid.

It seems the problem is that for most people it is a valve that they can release and have reasonable control of the flow, where as for me it's a switch, on or off. Or more accurately it's a very weak valve, you can release a very small flow but if you're not careful the flow breaks the gate and the full flood comes out.

This is one of those situations that most non aspies don't understand and say things like "just be yourself", "don't be so hard on yourself", "you don't need to pretend around me" etc without realising that they've never, ever seen me not pretending.

They see -
Successful pretend (what they think is normal)
Bad pretending (what they think is putting on an act, being uptight and stressed)
Failed pretending (what they think is relaxing and being yourself if it goes well or being thoughtless and rude if it doesn't)

They're telling me to go for the last option but make sure it comes across well. It's like telling you to gamble all your money but only if you're going to win.

Hi everybody,

I have a big question here. What are the typical circumstances when you "blurt"?

I ask because I'm aware that I talk as soon as I have a response + there is a pause in the other person's speech. I take it as my opportunity to respond to what they just said. I do wait for my "turn," (I practice this a lot, being patient in conversations) but usually the case is that I genuinely think the person is done expressing their idea because they end their sentence and they pause, even for just a second. Also, I remember a thread from WrongPlanet about having conversations. In that, somebody posted that NTs usually are so eager to say what's on their mind that when someone else is talking all an NT does is wait for his turn to speak, without listening. The point is that they wait. Perhaps this is what happens when NTs don't blurt like we do.

Normally I have my ideas and stories straight when I tell them to people, and when I pause, it's acceptable for someone to add in their comments. But when the other person pauses, and I decide to make a comment, they think I'm interrupting. This is usually because others tend to come up with more words on the spot, thus resulting in the illusion that they weren't finished. That is my take on it, anyway.

This happens online, too. For example, a person will type out several lines in order to express/explain one idea or story, but I will normally type several sentences at a time. They think I interrupt them, but really, I think they're finished as soon as they hit "enter" or "send."

I think it's anxiety based, to the point where I'm so anxious I'm no longer aware of the flow of the conversation. It all depends on the circumstances too, for me. I could talk to the same person and my ability to do so comfortably would depend on any number of factors. I may enjoy a passing chat with someone I know from work, but if I had to drive somewhere with them I'd be frozen and probably start blurting or babbling as an overcompensation. I really wasn't this way before meds. I didn't talk and people commented on it too.

I feel as though this occurs with me a lot as well. I'm a very tacit individual, and if I'm with a group of people I'll feel obligated to talk. The pressure to speak makes me nervous, and I just throw out the most oddball phrases ever. Sometimes I'll speak when it's not my turn, sometimes I won't know how to take initiative and start a topic, and sometimes I'll just say something terrible that I shouldn't have said. It's exasperating.

I'm really fortunate to have very socially astute friends who can dig me out of the situations I put myself in during a conversation, but I always get anxious about how much strain I'm putting on them and our relationship.

Also, I don't have any formal diagnosis or anything. I haven't really ever posted on this site either until now. My main reason for being here is because I've noticed Asperger's-like traits in my sister (echolalia, eidetic memory, etc), my father (hums while playing to the piano in a sort of Glenn Gould-like fashion), and myself. If I do have it, I don't think I'll seek a diagnosis- too much effort for what is likely a non-disease (the anxiety, on the other hand...).