I have posted here before and as I said I know without a doubt, I have asperger's. For years, I had zero confidence, was teased or shunned by most of my classmates but I have changed. I am 30 years old and 1000 times more confident. Although I am still somewhat socially awkward, it is nowhere near as bad. When I meet new people now, I leave a better impression than I would have years ago. Unfortunately, people who have known me all my life, especially my family, remember the old me. I am having hard time convincing them I have changed especially my sister. She loves me to death but to her, I will always be that socially awkward dork that is afraid of his own shadow. She just refuses to see me any other way. I know people with asperger's are supposed to be highly intelligent and talented but this disorder has caused me so much grief in my life and now that I have finally gotten to a point in my life where I feel confident and overcome a lot of the symptoms of it, I dont feel like I can ever escape the image of my old self. One of the reasons I dont want children, especially not a son, is because I wouldnt want him to be like me and go through what I have been through and it would be painful for me for two reasons. First, seeing my child go through it and second, being reminded of when it happened to me. I wish I could be a kid again the way I am now. I feel like 30 years have been wasted. Aspergers absolutely is a disorder that needs treatment. It is not simply a matter of being different. If a child has no friends by choice, that is one thing. We "aspies" or most of us, wanted to be normal and fit in but we just couldnt. Our brains just wont allow it. I dont mean to ramble on but I just feel like to move on with my life, I have to get rid of the person I used to be. Any advice? Please dont tell me to just not dwell on it. It really is not that easy.
27 Feb 2011, 10:48 am
