Aspie Guys and Decisions

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It doesn't make sense to me, but your description made me think of this thread:

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postx151907-0-0.html

oh wow. that thread actually described me. maybe that's what he was talking about. he can remember facts, generally gets movie quotes right, can answer everything on Jeopardy BUT if you ask him his plans for the future or even the week, it's uncertainty. He's very step by step and can look at the big picture. He can have simple in the moment thoughts.

Also, he can remember everything about other people but not about himself. He's very self aware of this. In general, he's very self aware of his problems and he kind of admits it and calls himself odd but he's never open to people as to say what's causing all of it.

Sounds like me. That's creepy.

I agree with this statement and I am a guy. I think I severely lack Executive Function and for me decision cause me distress. especially if they are urgent ones.

even if it's something you just don't care about? Like with the guy's girl. I just worry about him and wasting time and his sanity on something that he could just let go if it didn't matter. He could just forget and never do anything about it ever again. I only tend to put thought into things that actually have meaning to me. Otherwise, it just slips my mind altogether.

He may not care about her, but he does care about some need that she satisfies. This is a hard decision for him. It would probably be a hard decision for me.

hmmmm some need. sex?

Maybe, but it could be a lot of things: Intimacy, someone to talk to, someone to rely upon. It could be dreams of a normal life: a wife and kids. Maybe he is afraid of growing old alone. Society is very hard on men who cannot find a partner; maybe your friend feels like he is not a man, if he does not have a girlfriend. Maybe he does care for his ex, even if if he does not care for her enough for a relationship. I have no way of knowing. All I can say is that something probably scares him, or he would not have such a difficult time making the decision.

If I have to make the decision then surely it would be something I care about. What decision is he making that he doesn't care about? If it affects his sanity then someone else should step in and make the decision for him perhaps.

I can't really answer that without knowing that these decisions are, but it maybe it's more significant to them than it is to you?

Sorry I didn't see this post. As an aspie I would say that deciding whether or not I care about someone is tricky. I know I am suppose to care about people but deciding if I do is a long and drawn out process. I gave up many years ago and just take people as they come. I care about them if they show me understanding and are not judgemental.

Ahh, just saw this.

If someone's deciding what to do for their first real job, that's a big decision, and an important one, too. It's good not to rush such decisions.

As for the relationship one: for me, at least, it's never as simple as you like them or you don't. It seems to be a common Aspie trait to not fully understand your emotional state at any one time, so it's a complex thing to think about.

I've noticed aspies seeming to like to take a very long time to weigh things up. I think it's probably motivated by a subtle kind of fear. Perhaps there's a need to feel like every avenue has been considered, so there can be security in feeling that the best choice has been made.

I think I noticed the tendency in myself and quashed it. I've learned to rely on my instincts. Often my first feelings make for the best decision. If I feel there's a danger of procrastinating on a decision, I throw coins or toss dice to make them.

You all brought up some good points. I also talked to the guy a little bit. This may seem like I shouldn't care but he's my oldest friend and I have a habit of worrying. As I mentioned before, the relationship guy is a lot like the guy I dated. He wants a girlfriend and eventually a wife and kids but he's scared of getting stuck or tied down by somebody. This seems to be a trend among the aspie guys too. So, I'm wondering if he does like the intimacy and the fact that the girl does listen and talk to him more than other people do with him. He claims to have had close friends but they were typically acquaintances that didn't require much of his time or other things. Also, he forgets to keep in contact with most people. So, having a relationship with this girl require a some more time and effort and he instantly thought she had control over him. He's quick to think people are trying to control him. I'm wondering if the decision is to take a risk and start over as friends with this girl knowing that she will still require more time and effort even as a friend. ...and that it may lead to something else down the road. He mentioned that he still has a strong sexual attraction to her. So, that's a known factor. He seems to be struggling with the idea that this could lead to something so much bigger than just one of his "friends" that he can push away. The girl is very willing to work with him too and doesn't want to give up on him. So, I can't see him just wanting to end things cold turkey if he's going to put weeks of thought in her?

Wow that reminds me of a non-autistic (but with a lot of psychological problems) woman I know. She once, online, introduced herself to me as "Your best friend from junior high." I was terrified to respond to her because I didn't know who she was, was afraid she was pulling some kind of prank on me, and I knew I never had a "best friend" (or hell even a friend that I can recall) in junior high. It turned out to be someone that when we were actually in junior high, I once heard her referring to us as "hating each other". But then when I left for high school and she was still in junior high, she had started calling me all the time and talking my ear off on the phone all the time. I never really considered it a friendship let alone a "best friend", but apparently she did. Over time much after that I had started viewing her as a friend, but like practically every single "friend" I ever had, she was someone who was, not exactly bullying me, but not very nice to me either. She would sit there and dissect my every action, with great relish, proclaiming exactly why I was doing all the "odd" things I did, always with bogus and highly unflattering explanations. I had forgotten that tendency until she contacted me again, asked me why I had trouble doing some particular thing, I told her, and then she proceeded to, with the same relish, explain to me exactly why I had this problem (and it bore zero resemblance to reality). I've never spoken to her since. On purpose. I may have had little self-respect or awareness of what friendship was back when I knew her, but I'm better on both counts now. But yeah having her refer to herself as my "best friend" when even at the height of our "friendship" I never even considered her all that close of a friend, just seemed bizarre and uncomfortable to me.

ick. that's like my ex roommate. she got an aspie diagnosis but definitely just has some kind of social anxiety. She would have to drink anytime she was meeting people. So, definitely an alcoholic as a result. She pretty much went nuts and I don't talk to her anymore but, before our split, she went on some crying fit that i was supposed to be her best friend. Creepy. She used to dissect all my problem and diagnose them. She called me a depressed sociopath one time because I started laughing during a fight. It was just a stupid fight and I didn't think it was too serious. She had a crappy psych degree from a really bad college and was the pseudo-intellectual type.

My friend just doesn't see close friends as needing time or effort. These people that he thinks he's friends with probably don't even talk to him or remember him. He tends to only communicate with people that are in his proximity at the time. So, a lot of situational "friends".