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Aspie Guys and Decisions

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Kiseki
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28 Feb 2011, 11:36 am

Not a guy but...

I find I often make completely spur-of-the moment decisions, such as strolling through a shop and seeing something expensive I don't need at all and just buying it. Wound up carrying home a TV one day cuz of this problem.

Either that or I agonize over decisions, weighing all of the pros and cons for ages until I feel I have gathered enough research. I think a lot of Aspies just need to know they've learned everything they possibly can about something before feeling one way or another about it.


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LisaP
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28 Feb 2011, 12:29 pm

Yeah, I'm a girl and I make crazy fast decisions. I barely put any thought into it. Then I get buyer's remorse sometimes. I think my way of making fast decisions is what makes it hard to understand why an aspie guy would take so long to make a decision.



CoalBogey
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28 Feb 2011, 1:38 pm

This thread reminds me of a line from the movie Mary And Max (FYI Max has AS):

(Narrator): "Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled. And after staring out of the window for 18 hours he finally made a decision."

:lol:



LisaP
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28 Feb 2011, 2:06 pm

CoalBogey wrote:
This thread reminds me of a line from the movie Mary And Max (FYI Max has AS):

(Narrator): "Max's fragile existence had once again become unsettled. And after staring out of the window for 18 hours he finally made a decision."

:lol:


hehe 18 hours! he's got nothing on the aspie guys I know ;)



Yensid
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28 Feb 2011, 4:24 pm

Kiseki wrote:
I find I often make completely spur-of-the moment decisions, such as strolling through a shop and seeing something expensive I don't need at all and just buying it. Wound up carrying home a TV one day cuz of this problem.

Either that or I agonize over decisions, weighing all of the pros and cons for ages until I feel I have gathered enough research. I think a lot of Aspies just need to know they've learned everything they possibly can about something before feeling one way or another about it.


I rarely make rational decisions. I sometimes will make a quick, impulsive decision. At other times, I will examine the question for a long time, and then never make a decision, and let something happen by default. Once in a while, I will ponder things for a long time, and then suddenly make a quick, impulsive decision. It is really difficult for me to simply think and come to a conclusion, unless something forces me to.


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LisaP
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28 Feb 2011, 5:18 pm

Well there's the other side of it...being forced to make a decision. From what I know, the girl would like an answer but if she pressures him, he'll get frustrated. So, it's like this confusion between pushing and getting an answer or risking not getting one at all.



Yensid
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28 Feb 2011, 5:45 pm

I feel sorry for her. Honestly, if he is like me, he may never make a decision unless he has to. She needs to force the issue, without making him feel like she is pressuring him. Maybe she could let him know that she is considering other offers, so that he knows that time is limited.


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LisaP
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28 Feb 2011, 6:36 pm

is it just a fear of being responsible for determining your future or more about hurting or effecting somebody else?



Yensid
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28 Feb 2011, 7:36 pm

It is a fear of making the wrong decision. It is the fear of saying something that cannot be taken back. It is the fear of forever closing a possibility.


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LisaP
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01 Mar 2011, 3:02 pm

Yensid wrote:
It is a fear of making the wrong decision. It is the fear of saying something that cannot be taken back. It is the fear of forever closing a possibility.


Wow. I've been trying to understand my aspie guys for a long time and I know I'm probably not even close to understanding the burden that they carry. I see so many things that block them from reaching their potential. They are all brilliant and sweet but have this layer of fear that controls their lives. I wish I knew how to help. I try but I'm probably way of in understanding what they need.