where do i start.....

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right now i have the worst mind set imaginbale.I am severely depressed and I just think everything is pointless.i have no future,i am a failure and i am realy beginning to hate this stupid planet.I was never diagnosed with aspergers until last year during my time in a adolescent unit.It took them 16 years to finaly diagnose me with something which is quite recognisable.Before that i had left school at 15 and stayed locked up in my house for a whole year.The only times i left were for appointments with my doctors and psychiatrists(which were completely and utterly pointless and useless) ,who after two years have done nothing to help me.I was sent to the unit by them and promised thing would get better.After 3 months of attending the unit/hospital daily,i was set a leaving date and told there was nothing more they could do for me.I realy enjoyed going there and for the first time in my life made some friends and actualy fitted in!I was regaining ym confidence and finding my old self.However it has been 6 months since i left and still they are insisting I can never return.All they did for me was diagnose me and quite literaly chuck me out straight after.It is like i have been abandoned by them! I have flashbacks about the place non stop and realy miss it.I obsess about it and constantly ask to go back ,but my stupid doctors play mind games with me and wont even give me a flaming reason why i cant go back.So many people i know have got back there and there problems are hardly as bad as mine!Its not fair at all.For the first time in my life i found somewhere where i fitted in and they go and throw me out !Right now i am a very angry 17 year old boy.I am lonely,feel deaad and in much pain.I have tried medication but they made me horrificaly suicidal(as if i was not bad enough already).I got bullied bad at school and began hating people,until i went to the unit and met some others.I see it as my only hope but they wont listen.Even my mum is following their stupid tactics and trying to dismiss going back there whenever she can.I have no motivation,desire,drive or ambition.I am nothing but a lonely soul in this hideously corrupt planet.Since leaving the unit i ahve went out 6 times (which were all for appointments which i have since given up on) .I do not see anything out there for me.I am so uneleiveably confused.....

It will get better!! !!

I'm not trying to be patronizing but when you're depressed it's hard to see that things will ever get better bcs you're stuck in a cycle of negative thinking and probably bcs of low levels of serotonin (or receptors for serotonin in certain parts of the brain)...but I've been there (as have many ppl on WP) and it will get better. Depression (severe depression) is self limiting and an average episode is 3-5 months. The average amount of lifetime episodes is 4. That is less than two years out of probably more than 50 that you have left in which you will ever feel this bad.....the rest of the time you will feel better whether you believe it or not at the moment!

Sometimes the SSRI's can make you more suicidal bcs they lift your mood enough to have any energy at all (i.e energy to go through with the suicide). You should try cognitive behavioral therapy along with the meds or by itself ...it has been shown to have more efficacy than just taking drugs alone and no adverse side effects.

*awkward aspie hug………..

I felt the same way when I was a teenager. I was more "cry for help" suicidal though. I don't think I would have ever gone through with it. My depression was pretty bad for a few years. I still rarely even leave the house, but I haven't been truly depressed (that I remember) for almost 10 years now. I think part of it was moving away from the area where I was constantly ridiculed and picked on to a smaller town with less people. I hope you can eventually find a way through the depression yourself. Maybe there is a way that you can keep in contact with your friends without having to go back to the adolescent unit. I also find that venting on WP cheers me up sometimes.

Hello ssjgoku,

I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time.

What was it about the other people in the unit that made them easier to get along with?

I stayed in a unit for 7 days. The difference I noticed was that the other patients were less fake to me than what I was used to among the normals. They knew they had issues, so they weren’t projecting some type of image to show off to other people. I think that’s why I’ve always felt more comfortable around people with some form of difference (learning disabilities or AS in my experience).

I’m happy to say that I find the same type of honestly in many of the members here. I hope you do too. I encourage you to just hang out here a bit.

j0sh