Do you ever feel like you might not have AS?

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I stepped outside today, after forgetting my sunglasses (as I always do) but was not immediately blinded by the daylight (because it was overcast). So I stayed outside for a bit and played with cats while admiring the novelty of it, went back inside, and then my eyes felt like they'd been pummeled.

So for a brief moment I was like "Oh, I'm not feeling the photophobia." But it was just waiting to pounce.

Oh, the moment did make me briefly wonder if I don't really have AS.

I used to question it a little only because I did not seem to have serious trouble understanding people in the way that some aspies do. I wouldn't say I have ever doubted it though. Asperger's is not expressed identically in everyone but I feel like the symptoms are relatively obvious in most cases. Very few adult NTs would make the body motions I do. I'm not talking about finger tapping and body rocking. I'm talking about complex motions that involve the whole body/thrusting of arms/punching myself repeatedly/banging of head enough to cause pain. Not to mention sensory issues and motor problems were fairly severe. I did not wear jeans and there was a whole list of sounds I did not like that others were immune to (dealing with this much better now). I had speech problems for most of my life and speech delay (not necessarily language comprehension delay) and rarely talk to even my family. Oh yeah, and I did not look anyone in the eyes for quite awhile. So no there is little doubt, especially considering I was diagnosed by professionals specializing in child developmental issues.

That being said, I am not aspie in every way. I don't seem to have any significant problem comprehending body language. I am somewhat skilled at looking people in the eyes alone and judging what they are feeling, not necessarily on the first look though. I am not overly literal (maybe more than most) either but I am good at math (not a genius and I don't have encyclopedic knowledge on most things that interest me as I forget a lot of the information I collect or don't bother to remember the insignificant stuff) . If you met me I might come across as being simply very shy. I do not stim in public and I am polite to everyone. I am not overly awkward and never got in any trouble in school for aggression or rudeness. I have had some great friends.

I pretty much did the same thing yesterday. I was headed to go get something to eat and thought "I don't need my sunglasses, it's not that bright (or so I thought) and this whole sensitivity to light thing is probably just my imagination"

well, it was that bright, I did need my glasses, and it turns out I am really sensitive to light... by the time I got to the restaurant it felt like my eyes had been defiled by an angry llama.

Oh, man, I have done this in the past. There has never been a time I didn't regret not bringing my sunglasses along. Despite this, I forget them nearly every time I step outside. What is wrong with me?

Also, the mental image from your last sentence just about killed me with laughter.

Sometimes I think I have AS, and sometimes I think the rest of the world does. I think people generally are pretty anti-social, unless they are just mirroring what I'm dishing out.

I do get different results in tests... Sometimes I feel like I'm going for an AS diagnosis, just to give myself some sort of identity. I feel half the time I could just as easily answer the other way.

For instance, when they say "Would I rather go to a party, or a library?" Is that party one where it's just my close friends for 20 years, or a party where I don't really know anyone or they are mere acquaintances? Completely different answers.

Though, I will say much of my judgment is based on what I remember from my childhood. I walked funny as a child and wore out shoes quickly, leading to many visits to physiotherapists and podiatrists. I always came last in running races as a child and was told I "ran funny". Bumped into things a lot too. My older brother used to tease me constantly for being "unco" and "strange". I was weirdly precocious as a child, particularly with writing, but also in other ways. When I was 7, I wanted to start a counseling service for students, so they could come to me with their problems and I could help (the answers were so logical, couldn't they understand that?!) Though I was stupid in some ways. I remember being told to "pull my socks up" and doing just that (and subsequently getting both barrels). I also remember being unintentionally insensitive with family members, but kids can be cruel, right? I always had a friend too, and was rarely alone, as far as I remember.

It's all so grey, who really knows?

I'm still deciding.

Sometimes, though, I just think this introspection is unhealthy. Everyone is different. A person should just get on with it and do what they do!

And one more thing. That the definitions are so broad and vague, what if this Asperger's stuff is just a trap for people who have suspected they are on the "wrong planet"? It would not be too difficult, I imagine, to formulate a list which covers pretty much everyone who has a gripe with the world.

Mind you, I think it is totally legitimate to have a gripe with the world. But is the answer to say: "Oh well, it's me, I'm just different." Or is it to fight for change?

I think there is something a lot deeper to this Asperger's stuff. It's philosophical more than psychological, perhaps.

Maybe you don't have ASD, I have to say I yes to all those things on the list except to understanding humor (my humor is unusual still). Maybe you don't have ASD, if I said no to have as many things as you just did I probably wouldn't be questioning whether I had ASD and accept that I probably didn't have it.

I just have it mildly and though I see ASD as more of a pattern on a gamut that varies in severity I don't think someone with ASD would answer "no" to all the things you just did. What kind of person with ASD likes social interaction, is not bothered by loud noises, has no problem with eye contact, etc.... quite frankly it doesn't seem like you have ASD, or maybe these things are just crippling to me and don't understand how you can claim to have it (and I have it only mildly). I think you're crazy for suggesting having ASD when you list a bunch of NT traits. Exact opposite of someone with ASD. Either you're a troll or extremely confused.

Where are you people coming from?

There's possibly more variation among autistic people than you're aware of. Some of those things are common, but few are universal, and some of them are outright stereotypes. (Often stereotypes formed by observing autistic people who could not communicate about these things, and then making assumptions about them, and then diagnosing people who can communicate those things by whether they fit those stereotypes.)

So... to you, if you have Asperger's, that means you don't need to change the world? As opposed to seeing it as an explanation for how you have a different viewpoint that lets you see that the world needs changing in ways NTs might not realize? The world sucks whether you have AS or not. Therefore it needs changing, regardless of your configuration.

I know, right? And what if you have already been working on changing the world and determined you have AS? Does that mean the world changing stops? That all the reasons one might want to change the world are irrelevant? The explanation is overly simplistic.

I don't mean it to sound so black and white. Of course what you both say is true. But let me give you an example which will hopefully explain what I am talking about.

I am a big fan of educational reform. I believe that mainstream schooling is inadequate in terms of curriculum and philosophy (for all kids, not just those with special needs). However, there seems to be a trend to label troubled kids - and Asperger's is one of those labels - and remove them from the mainstream curriculum, and in some instances standards of behaviour. But what you are doing is taking them outside the mainstream political discourse of the school and the classroom (although they may be physically present). Teachers are free to teach those kids that do not challenge them, and they can just drop their standards for those that do (as opposed to changing their teaching technique). Further students that challenge them are merely labelled, and to make matters worse, are sometimes ostricised further by their peers because the system says they're different or unusual (hopefully all students are different and unusual in their own way). Further, isolating the student in this way can foreseeably lead to that student thinking: "So the problem is with me, and not with the school" rather than the other way around. Can you see from this how all students will suffer without this dissenting voice?

Real education reform won't happen, because more and more compliant students are valued, challenging students are singled out.

In 2006 when I came here, I wasn't sure if I had AS.

Now that I've had the chance to observe myself both in social situations and when I'm alone, without any pressure from anyone, I've come to the conclusion that I most definitely have it.

I used to be ashamed of many things: talking the Aspie way, taking things literally, looking at the finger instead of what it was pointing at, failing a theory of mind test that little kids pass. I was afraid of looking stupid and so I'd reflexively deny them. But knowing where they come from, I've been able to accept most things.

This is one of the many ways the larger culture resists change and reform, although the problem is not so much that children are being labeled so they can receive assistance (it is a problem when that assistance is not helpful), but the resistance to change itself.

I know that "it doesn't matter" to you guys if you have it. It does to me.

I am in high school and if you tell people you have a "problem" people will say something like "Sorry, I don't hang out with ret*ds" and will never speak to you again. I was diagnosed when I was 5, so I couldn't really do anything about it. I refuse to tell anyone that I don't know is accepting of differences about it. I will tell people about my OCD, but not my AS. I once told a whole crowd of like 300 people about my OCD. I was in the audience of a event and the host says "Does anyone have any anxiety issues or questions". I put my hand up and he called on me. I said "I have an anxiety issue and told him that I had OCD". The people in the audience laughed. He said "You better have that panic attack quick". I don't think he believed me, but I told him after the show and was OK with it.

AS/PDD-N0S/Autism is about the worst thing that you can have in my high school. Some people are OK with it, but others, no.

I was diagnosed at 5 YEARS OLD! I WAS HAD NO IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON! MY PARENTS AREN'T EVEN SURE! I WAS ACTUALLY DIAGNOSED WITH PDD-NOS, NOT HFA, NOT LFA, NOT AS. PDD-NOS.

Anyway, sorry for yelling. I have meltdowns, handwriting issues and special interests. I like social interaction but I do have a social impairment. It's not as severe as most aspies. but, it's there.

I was just told, as I wrote this that I have problems interpenetrating things that people say. Especially online. Social problem there.

Hey, I just thought of something! It's embarrassing, but as I am still self-diagnosing I have to share it.

I remember when I was kid, maybe 6/7 watching Alice in Wonderland and fighting back the tears when Alice was lost in the woods. I think she may have been crying too. I remember feeling her utter hopelessness.

Does this 'empathy' suggest I don't have Asperger's after all?

Last edited by blank_page on 15 Mar 2011, 11:54 pm, edited 1 time in total.